Don't Look Up
最終更新：
dear_dakanda 2022年02月05日(土) 13:59:53履歴
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God damn it.
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<i>Inside the room,
Dr. Doom, prepare for the boom, bam!</i>
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<i>I slam</i>
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<i>Scream like Tarzan</i>
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<i>I be tossin' and flossin',
my style is awesome</i>
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<i>I'm causing more family feuds
than Richard Dawson</i>
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<i>And the survey said, you're dead</i>
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<i>Fatal Flying Guillotine
chops off your fucking head</i>
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<i>Mister, who is that?
Ayo, the Wu is back</i>
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<i>Making... go Bo! Bo!
Like I'm Super Cat</i>
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<i>Oh, no, here come
the Wu-Tang shogun</i>
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<i>Killer to my eardrum,
put the needle to the groove</i>
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<i>I gets rude and I'm forced
to fuck it up, my style...</i>
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<i>More Afro than Rollo
coming to a fork in the road</i>
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<i>Which way to go, just follow...</i>
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This is nuts! This is so crazy!
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I've got a hard cider
and a bag of Crossbone Crunch.
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It's a party.
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I'm... I'm just so,
so thrilled for you, Kate.
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To Comet Dibiasky, right?
Cheers!
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It's gotta be, look...
It's gotta be an Oort cloud comet
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just based on where you saw it.
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Probably the last time
it was this close to the Sun
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was long before human civilization.
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Look at the arc on that thing.
God, it's amazing.
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How would we find out the comet's
velocity in orbit, Professor Mindy?
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That is a good question.
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This will be fun. I haven't done
orbital dynamics since grad school.
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Question is, what...
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What would Carl Sagan do?
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He would take it back to first principles.
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The topocentric vector is rho.
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Kate, what are the initial coordinates?
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Twenty-one.
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Twenty-four.
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Thirteen.
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This is fun, huh, guys?
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How many terms do you have to calibrate...
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Approximation of coordinates
in Marsden, '85.
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Now that we have the comet's orbit,
we will check the ephemeris
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and that will give us the distance
between the comet and planet Earth.
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Why does the ephemeris
keep getting lower and lower?
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Professor Mindy?
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Professor Mindy?
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You know what, guys? Let's...
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Let's call it a night, huh?
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But what about
the relative position?
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I can't figure this one out.
Not tonight, guys. Sorry.
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Hey, Kate.
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You stay.
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Yeah, Dr. Calder,
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a Michigan State professor
and his grad students...
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This is Dr. Calder.
You pulled me out of a meeting
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where I had to tell my team
we lost eight billion in funding.
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I am so sorry, Dr. Calder,
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but we are seeing some
awfully strange orbital numbers
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on this comet we just found.
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They should be in your inbox, right?
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Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let me get
Dr. Oglethorpe on the line.
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Please hold.
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I'm on hold.
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She's calling a Dr. Oglethorpe.
Who is that?
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Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna put them on speaker.
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Dr. Oglethorpe,
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head of the Planetary
Defense Coordination Office.
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This is Dr. Oglethorpe.
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Yes, this is Jocelyn Calder
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from Kennedy Space Center.
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Hey, Jocelyn.
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Listen, we got a sighting
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of an NEO from Subaru telescope.
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Okay...
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Why you just didn't report it
to the Minor Planet Center?
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It's a professor
and a bunch of Michigan State students
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who identified something big.
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Really? How large?
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How big we talking?
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We clocked it in around
five to ten kilometers wide.
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About five to ten kilometers wide.
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That's a big boy.
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And was this professor the one
who first made the observations?
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Hi, yes. Dr. Mindy.
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And... And no,
PhD candidate Kate Dibiasky found it.
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I did the orbital calculations.
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I... I study trace gasses
in dead galaxies.
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I haven't published in a while
so you probably haven't heard of me.
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But anyway, that doesn't matter.
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Sorry. What was your question?
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What are the most updated estimates
on its trajectory?
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Kate?
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I've been running it all day.
I keep getting the same result.
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A direct hit of Earth
in six months and 14 days.
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Me too.
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00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:35,333
Matthew,
what are your calculations?
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Scout program
is saying six months, 14 days.
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We got six months and 14 days.
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And it's roughly five
to ten kilometers wide.
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Which... Which...
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Isn't that...
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an extinction-level event?
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Well, let's not be dramatic here.
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Okay...
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First move is to get
the school field trip out here to DC.
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Let's all calm down.
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I need the person who first had eyes
on the comet
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and the person in charge.
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What?
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Share this data immediately
with Cambridge, Caltech and IAU.
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Wait a minute.
This is classified information.
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What's happening?
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I serve
at the discretion of the president.
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Is this really happening?
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And the dead galaxy professor
to Hickam Air Force base.
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DC, right?
Hey! Hey, Kate.
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This isn't happening, right?
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Kate, this isn't real, right?
This is...
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This is just some sort
of alternate reality, right?
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Say something.
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I gotta go get high.
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Word is that I need you both in DC fast.
Only plane I got going there is that one.
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Anyway, I am Dr. Mindy. This is...
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129
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Is there
any customary seating for...
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What the fuck? Is this real?
Is this a goddamn joke?
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Holy shit.
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This can't be happening. No.
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00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,125
135
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You know, he didn't keep his head down.
It's all politics, Teddy. You know that.
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00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:17,083
You must be Randall and Kate.
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00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,250
Yes. Yes, hi.
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I'm Dr. Oglethorpe,
but you can call me Teddy.
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00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,166
I'm sorry. Did you say your name...
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141
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Yeah, we call him Teddy
because he ain't no teddy bear.
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General Themes.
I'm the Pentagon's eyes on...
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you know,
whatever this turns out to be.
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00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:37,875
The president is famously late,
and you've had a long flight, so...
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Michigan State Spartans.
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00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:52,583
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It's a lot smaller
than in the photographs.
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00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:57,625
The president
should be here shortly.
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She's already been briefed.
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Correct, Scott?
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That is correct.
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00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,750
Are we really about to tell
the president of the United States
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00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,583
that we have just over six months
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until humankind, basically every species,
is completely extinct?
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Yeah. That's exactly
what we're about to do. Yeah.
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Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.
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Yes, I said law enforcement.
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But I didn't want... I mean,
you told me that he was clean.
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Hello.
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Madam President, I'm Dr. Oglethorpe.
I believe Jocelyn briefed you to...
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Come on, man. What the hell?
This is real world.
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Yeah. I know. We need five minutes.
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We have a problem with our Supreme Court
nominee. Five minutes. Thank you.
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<i>Happy birthday to you</i>
167
00:12:57,625 --> 00:13:01,958
<i>Happy birthday to you</i>
168
00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:06,541
<i>Happy birthday, dear Patty...</i>
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00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,750
Just take a message,
and then, stuff like this happens,
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and I don't know what's going on.
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I don't understand
how many more times I need to tell you...
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Well, there's a bunch of stuff about
their nominee not being qualified,
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00:13:22,791 --> 00:13:25,875
but I don't see
any articles about our thing.
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00:13:25,958 --> 00:13:28,291
Social media is just going on and on
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00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:32,250
about that singer Riley Bina
and DJ Chello breaking up.
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00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,166
That's just too bad.
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00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,291
They seem like sweet kids.
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00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,541
I don't... I don't know them.
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Which is...
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181
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:46,625
182
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But I don't really give a shit right now.
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00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:53,208
They charge
an arm and a leg for this stuff.
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00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,041
Ten apiece ought to do it.
185
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,625
186
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I've got Kate as well.
187
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188
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Here's a 20.
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190
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:11,208
191
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:14,625
It's a Xanax.
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I only take a quarter.
Otherwise I get...
193
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,958
194
00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,083
You know, you should be
careful with that much.
195
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,708
<i>This eagle's place is in the sky</i>
196
00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:46,958
I'm very sorry. I have to be
in Okinawa by two o'clock tomorrow.
197
00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:49,375
198
00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:52,166
199
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,875
Tell your daughter I said hello.
200
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:58,333
Isn't it important that he was
in the room with us? I mean, what...
201
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,833
Where do I pay for these?
202
00:15:06,916 --> 00:15:07,958
It's free.
203
00:15:10,666 --> 00:15:11,791
Really?
204
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,375
Yes, it's the White House.
205
00:15:19,708 --> 00:15:21,916
The snacks are free.
206
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:23,583
What?
207
00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:25,291
The general.
208
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,166
He charged us
for the snacks, but they're free.
209
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,416
Oh, gosh.
210
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,541
Why on earth would he do that?
211
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:35,291
Hey, peeps, it's not looking
like it's gonna happen tonight,
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00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:37,291
and I feel horrible.
213
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,291
We're gonna put you up
in a hotel somewhere.
214
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:41,541
Excuse me, does the president
know why we're here?
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00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:43,916
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
216
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,166
They must not know
why we're here, right?
217
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,875
They know, but you heard 'em.
218
00:15:47,958 --> 00:15:50,291
219
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:51,708
How long it took for us to get...
220
00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:57,708
And then they made us wait
for over seven hours,
221
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,916
but they never called us in.
I couldn't believe it.
222
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,500
Of course they didn't call you in.
Kate, have you watched any news today?
223
00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:06,958
No, I've been pretty wrapped up
in our... project.
224
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,500
Turn on your TV right now.
225
00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:11,250
President Orlean is in
the middle of an all-time shit storm.
226
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:15,166
Sheriff Wade Conlon
was already a controversial nominee,
227
00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:19,958
with no law degree and a record
of shoot first and ask questions later.
228
00:16:20,041 --> 00:16:21,125
You watching?
229
00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,250
With his background as a nude life model...
230
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,750
Yeah, I'm watching it right now.
231
00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:28,250
The White House is in full crisis mode.
232
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,500
And, get this.
233
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:32,750
I found five former students
234
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:37,666
who are willing to go on record
that Conlon got noticeably aroused
235
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,375
when he posed for their drawing class.
236
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:40,916
I have no shame in what I did.
237
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,916
Now, should I say noticeably aroused?
238
00:16:44,666 --> 00:16:47,916
Or engorged? Because
I don't want this to read like clickbait.
239
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,708
You know, this is a real article.
240
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,291
I just... Kate, can I get
something from you, please?
241
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:56,250
Sorry.
242
00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:00,083
243
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:02,083
I feel like we're skirting around this.
244
00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:05,000
Do you have an issue with my mom?
Is that what this is all about?
245
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:07,791
You can't tell me what's going on?
246
00:17:07,875 --> 00:17:10,458
It's just the protocol.
Please, don't worry.
247
00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:15,208
Oh, Marshall got a 172
on his LSATs and we're celebrating.
248
00:17:15,291 --> 00:17:18,666
Way to go, Marshall.
I'm proud of you, buddy.
249
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:21,083
Thank you, Dad. Miss you.
250
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:24,708
Hey, how's Evan feeling?
Are the new meds working out?
251
00:17:24,791 --> 00:17:26,666
I'm a solid four.
252
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,083
He's a solid four.
253
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,750
Well, that's better
than last month, right?
254
00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:34,083
You know, just remember to speak up
in the meeting tomorrow. Okay?
255
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:35,750
256
00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:38,416
When it's time to take credit,
you kind of...
257
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:43,000
She asked you if you were a lesbian.
She did not say that you were a lesbian.
258
00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,916
259
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,208
Can I sit down with your mom
to have lunch in, like, seven months?
260
00:17:48,291 --> 00:17:52,583
Seven... That's weirdly
specific and distant.
261
00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:54,625
What is... This is my mom.
262
00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:02,541
So...
263
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:06,041
I heard there's an asteroid
or a comet or something
264
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,958
that you don't like the looks of.
265
00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:12,416
Tell me about it and then
tell me why you're telling me about it.
266
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,208
You got 20 minutes.
267
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,208
268
00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:18,375
Go. Now. Go.
269
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,125
Madam President.
270
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:27,125
Approximately 36 hours ago,
271
00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:31,791
PhD candidate
Kate Dibiasky here discovered
272
00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:34,000
a very large comet.
273
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,791
274
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,541
A comet between
five to ten kilometers across,
275
00:18:39,625 --> 00:18:41,875
that we estimate came from the...
276
00:18:41,958 --> 00:18:44,250
from the... from the Oort cloud.
277
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,791
Which is the outermost part
of the solar system.
278
00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:49,458
And...
279
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:53,416
And using Gauss's method
of orbital determination
280
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:58,625
and the average astrometric uncertainty
of 0.04 arcseconds, we then asked...
281
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:03,000
282
00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:05,291
283
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:08,416
What Dr. Mindy is trying to say is
there's a comet headed towards Earth,
284
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,708
and according to NASA's computers,
285
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:12,916
that object is gonna hit the Pacific Ocean
286
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,166
at 62 miles due west
off the coast of Chile.
287
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,166
Then what happens? Like, a tidal wave?
288
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:20,666
No. It will be far more catastrophic.
289
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:25,250
There'll be mile-high tsunamis
fanning out all across the globe.
290
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:32,333
If this comet makes impact, it will have
the power of a billion Hiroshima bombs.
291
00:19:32,958 --> 00:19:36,375
There'll be
magnitude 10 or 11 earthquakes...
292
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:39,375
You're breathing weird.
It's making me uncomfortable.
293
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:42,000
I'm sorry, I'm just trying
to articulate the science.
294
00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:45,125
I know. But it's so stressful.
I'm trying to, like, listen...
295
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:47,916
I don't think you understand
the gravity of the situation.
296
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,875
I'm trying to articulate it
the best I can...
297
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:54,791
Madam President, this comet
is what we call a planet-killer.
298
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:56,333
That is correct.
299
00:20:00,791 --> 00:20:02,333
So how certain is this?
300
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:05,541
There's 100% certainty of impact.
301
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:07,666
Please, don't say 100%.
302
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:10,333
Can we just call it
a potentially significant event?
303
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:11,458
304
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,250
But it isn't potentially going to happen.
305
00:20:14,791 --> 00:20:16,500
It is going to happen.
306
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:20,083
Exactly. 99.78% to be exact.
307
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:22,291
Oh, great. Okay, so it's not 100%.
308
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:25,250
Well, scientists never like to say 100%.
309
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:27,791
Call it 70% and let's just move on.
310
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:29,541
But it's not even close to 70%.
311
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:31,958
You cannot go around saying to people
312
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:34,791
that there's 100% chance
that they're gonna die.
313
00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:37,791
You know? It's just nuts.
314
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:40,458
We should get some of
our scientists on this, you know.
315
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:44,250
No offense, but you're just two people
that walked in here with...
316
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:45,541
Dr. Oglethorpe.
317
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:47,166
Dr. Ov... Ogilvy. Yeah.
318
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:50,791
I've been head of planetary defense
at NASA for 15 years.
319
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:55,333
And Dr. Mindy is a tenured professor
of astronomy at Michigan State,
320
00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:58,375
where Miss Dibiasky
is a doctoral candidate.
321
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:01,083
322
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:03,750
Exactly. They have
an excellent astronomy department.
323
00:21:03,833 --> 00:21:05,250
324
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:07,625
You kidding?
You wanna see my fucking SAT scores?
325
00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,708
Okay, let's bottom line this.
326
00:21:09,791 --> 00:21:11,666
What is this gonna cost me?
327
00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:13,875
You know, what's the ask here?
328
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:17,041
There are government plans in place.
329
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:19,541
Actions we can take through NASA.
330
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:22,583
Drones that can be outfitted with nukes
331
00:21:22,666 --> 00:21:27,083
to deflect and hopefully
change the orbit of this comet.
332
00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:28,916
We must act now.
333
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,583
Oh, hey.
All right, all right, all right.
334
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:34,000
335
00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:36,791
So, if this breaks before then,
we lose Congress.
336
00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:38,833
Then there's nothing we can do about it.
337
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:39,833
It'll be gridlocked.
338
00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:43,916
The timing is just... It's atrocious.
339
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:51,125
Okay, at this very moment,
I say we sit tight and assess.
340
00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:52,458
Sit tight and assess.
341
00:21:52,541 --> 00:21:55,625
Let's get some other people
on this. Some Ivy Leaguers.
342
00:21:55,708 --> 00:21:58,458
And you and I will review the NASA plans.
343
00:21:58,541 --> 00:22:00,291
344
00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:03,583
Am I to understand correctly that,
345
00:22:03,666 --> 00:22:07,333
after all of the information
you've received today,
346
00:22:08,041 --> 00:22:12,291
the decision you're making
is to sit tight and assess?
347
00:22:12,375 --> 00:22:15,625
348
00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:18,416
I'm the fucking Chief of Staff,
Boy with the Dragon Tattoo.
349
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,791
So I'm doing fine.
350
00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:22,541
We gotta get out of here.
This place is a freak show.
351
00:22:22,625 --> 00:22:25,208
I think what Miss Dibiasky
is trying to say
352
00:22:25,291 --> 00:22:30,375
is that the idea of sitting tight
is an extremely, extremely dangerous...
353
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,750
Thank you.
One good thing happened today.
354
00:22:36,833 --> 00:22:38,916
Okay, funny story.
355
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,666
When I was running for president,
356
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,958
I had to sneak cigarettes for
the whole first month of the campaign
357
00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:46,291
because, you know,
photographs of me smoking
358
00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:48,333
went for, what, a hundred grand a pop?
359
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:52,541
So, I'm always hiding, but,
you know, I just got sick of it.
360
00:22:53,166 --> 00:22:56,208
And I just said, you know what,
I'm gonna smoke whenever I want to.
361
00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:01,791
Guess what happened?
362
00:23:02,666 --> 00:23:06,500
363
00:23:06,583 --> 00:23:08,458
They love watching a smokeshow smoke.
364
00:23:08,541 --> 00:23:11,583
I can't think of another president
that I'd ever wanna see in Playboy.
365
00:23:11,666 --> 00:23:15,000
Do you know how many
the world is ending meetings
366
00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:16,708
that we've had over the years?
367
00:23:16,791 --> 00:23:20,833
Economic collapse, loose nukes,
car exhaust killing the atmosphere.
368
00:23:20,916 --> 00:23:23,666
369
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:24,958
Everything.
370
00:23:25,041 --> 00:23:28,833
Alien invasion,
population growth, hole in the ozone...
371
00:23:28,916 --> 00:23:29,916
Jason, hey.
372
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,166
373
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:35,000
Point is, I have a job to do.
374
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:37,833
You do understand
that this is an apocalyptic event.
375
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:43,250
This is a large celestial body
heading towards our planet at speeds...
376
00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:45,333
Dr. Mindy, I hear you.
377
00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:47,625
I hear you.
378
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:51,208
379
00:23:51,291 --> 00:23:54,666
I'm taking it very seriously.
I'm taking it straight in the heart.
380
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:57,875
I'm so glad to hear that.
You have no idea.
381
00:23:57,958 --> 00:24:03,000
Hey, gang, obviously everything we talked
about in here, super classified, right?
382
00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:04,500
383
00:24:04,583 --> 00:24:05,750
Thanks for dressing up.
384
00:24:14,375 --> 00:24:17,041
You're saying
we're just gonna leak it to the press?
385
00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:19,625
386
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:22,333
In case you didn't notice,
the White House just blew us off.
387
00:24:22,416 --> 00:24:24,375
My boyfriend, Phillip,
says he knows a reporter
388
00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:26,458
from the New York Herald
who will talk to us.
389
00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:29,250
390
00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:32,541
And I'll reach out to more of
the scientific community on the down-low.
391
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:38,416
392
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:39,750
Keep it simple.
393
00:24:40,458 --> 00:24:41,583
No math.
394
00:24:42,791 --> 00:24:44,166
But it's all math.
395
00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:59,333
It all started
with a connection.
396
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:03,041
A simple gesture that created so much.
397
00:25:03,875 --> 00:25:05,000
So many choices.
398
00:25:06,208 --> 00:25:08,541
Sometimes, it can even feel like too much.
399
00:25:09,375 --> 00:25:10,875
Until now.
400
00:25:10,958 --> 00:25:13,291
Introducing BASH LiiF.
401
00:25:14,083 --> 00:25:16,791
Life, without the stress of living.
402
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:21,416
Before we introduce
the founder and CEO of BASH,
403
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:23,791
please remember
to avoid direct eye contact,
404
00:25:23,875 --> 00:25:27,458
sudden movements,
coughing or negative facial expressions.
405
00:25:27,541 --> 00:25:30,916
And now, please welcome
Sir Peter Isherwell.
406
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,791
We love you, Peter!
407
00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,125
We love you, Peter!
408
00:25:48,208 --> 00:25:49,375
Hello, everyone.
409
00:25:49,458 --> 00:25:51,833
All of my life's work,
410
00:25:52,458 --> 00:25:57,416
really, I see has been driven
by an inexpressible need for a friend
411
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,416
who would understand and soothe me.
412
00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:05,791
And you know, now all those years of work
have come to fruition with BASH LiiF,
413
00:26:05,875 --> 00:26:10,375
our new BASH 14.3 phone
414
00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:14,750
is fully integrated
into your every feeling and desire
415
00:26:14,833 --> 00:26:17,333
without you needing
to say one single word.
416
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,291
If I feel...
417
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,291
418
00:26:20,375 --> 00:26:21,458
Or alone.
419
00:26:21,541 --> 00:26:25,750
The BASH 14.3 phone,
when set to the life setting,
420
00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:28,958
instantly senses my mood
through blood pressure...
421
00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:31,541
heartbeats and...
422
00:26:31,625 --> 00:26:34,000
Your vitals
show that you are sad.
423
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:35,833
This will cheer you up, Peter.
424
00:26:35,916 --> 00:26:40,583
<i>You are my best friend</i>
425
00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:43,541
<i>You make me happy...</i>
426
00:26:43,625 --> 00:26:46,416
Oh, that's wonderful.
427
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,666
That video...
428
00:26:48,750 --> 00:26:52,083
It also, seriously, schedules
429
00:26:52,166 --> 00:26:55,375
a therapy session
with a nearby professional,
430
00:26:55,458 --> 00:27:00,208
so we can make sure that
these sad feelings never ever ever return.
431
00:27:00,291 --> 00:27:02,958
432
00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:07,541
And to support BASH LiiF,
I wanna officially announce...
433
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:10,041
Oh, give me the phones.
They're not yours.
434
00:27:12,916 --> 00:27:15,125
435
00:27:15,208 --> 00:27:16,458
Bye, Peter.
436
00:27:16,541 --> 00:27:18,458
I love you, Peter.
437
00:27:18,541 --> 00:27:21,333
Are you sure the video
of the puppy on the rooster
438
00:27:21,416 --> 00:27:25,416
is optimizing our prepubescent
sense memory consumer sector?
439
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:27,166
I find the bird quite threatening.
440
00:27:27,250 --> 00:27:30,291
We will cross-check
the data on that, for sure.
441
00:27:30,375 --> 00:27:32,958
Mr. Isherwell, Paul Debent
wanted me to give this to you.
442
00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:35,791
He got it from
an astronomer friend of his in Mexico.
443
00:27:38,166 --> 00:27:39,000
Oh, my.
444
00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:43,000
What other confirmation
do we have on this, Adul?
445
00:27:43,083 --> 00:27:46,416
I've spoken to Dr. Oglethorpe in DC
and he confirmed it and all the math.
446
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:48,500
Then I showed it
to Dr. Franks at Columbia,
447
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:50,833
and he almost fell out of his chair.
448
00:27:50,916 --> 00:27:54,875
So, look, I have to admit.
I was very skeptical at first,
449
00:27:54,958 --> 00:27:56,583
but this is all quite credible.
450
00:27:56,666 --> 00:27:58,916
The calculations are credible.
451
00:27:59,416 --> 00:28:00,250
Jesus.
452
00:28:00,750 --> 00:28:02,750
And the president
really said to sit tight?
453
00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:05,583
454
00:28:05,666 --> 00:28:07,708
She's probably worried about the midterms.
455
00:28:07,791 --> 00:28:09,375
We need to move fast.
456
00:28:09,458 --> 00:28:11,333
The feds will claim breach of security,
457
00:28:11,416 --> 00:28:13,375
so make sure these two
get a pro bono attorney.
458
00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:16,458
459
00:28:16,541 --> 00:28:17,833
We're gonna hire a lawyer?
460
00:28:17,916 --> 00:28:20,166
461
00:28:20,250 --> 00:28:21,791
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.
462
00:28:21,875 --> 00:28:23,166
That was not called for.
463
00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:25,083
I just have a question here.
464
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:27,625
How is it criminal if we just tell people,
465
00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:31,000
like the public, you know,
what we saw, and tell them the truth?
466
00:28:31,083 --> 00:28:34,166
Make sure this one gets media training
before he hits the shows.
467
00:28:34,250 --> 00:28:35,875
He seems a step slow.
468
00:28:35,958 --> 00:28:38,083
What does that mean,
I need media training?
469
00:28:39,041 --> 00:28:41,791
They want us on a show
called The Daily Rip
470
00:28:41,875 --> 00:28:44,500
first thing in the morning
before the article comes out.
471
00:28:44,583 --> 00:28:46,416
You guys know what The Daily Rip is?
472
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:49,000
It's like the best show.
Everyone wants to be on it.
473
00:28:49,083 --> 00:28:50,916
Brie and Jack have legendary chemistry.
474
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,250
They asked me to go on once.
475
00:28:52,333 --> 00:28:54,500
I was so excited
I couldn't sleep for two nights,
476
00:28:54,583 --> 00:28:55,916
but then they cut me for time.
477
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,750
Still hurts me to think about that.
478
00:28:57,833 --> 00:29:01,583
I know what show you're talking about.
My wife loves that show.
479
00:29:01,666 --> 00:29:04,458
Okay, can you just tell me
what this is all about? Okay?
480
00:29:04,541 --> 00:29:07,916
'Cause you haven't read my article
on Conlon getting hard in the art class.
481
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,791
Now Adul Grelio has come down
from his mountaintop for your thing.
482
00:29:10,875 --> 00:29:13,625
You won't even give me
a lousy pronoun? Come on.
483
00:29:13,708 --> 00:29:16,708
A comet, bigger than the asteroid
that destroyed the dinosaurs,
484
00:29:16,791 --> 00:29:18,166
is headed directly at Earth.
485
00:29:18,250 --> 00:29:20,541
If it isn't deflected,
the entire planet dies.
486
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:22,625
Wait, what did you just say?
487
00:29:22,708 --> 00:29:24,000
It's for a video game.
488
00:29:27,458 --> 00:29:28,791
Are you being serious?
489
00:29:29,541 --> 00:29:30,541
Yes.
490
00:29:32,791 --> 00:29:34,083
Oh, my God.
491
00:29:44,333 --> 00:29:47,041
Oh, my God! What the fuck, man?
492
00:29:47,125 --> 00:29:49,916
I love you too. All right. Yeah.
493
00:29:50,541 --> 00:29:52,958
Hey, guys,
we gotta keep walking, all right?
494
00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:54,208
Come on.
495
00:30:30,791 --> 00:30:33,458
496
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:35,833
Jack and Brie are so excited
to have you on the show.
497
00:30:35,916 --> 00:30:37,750
Really? They know who we are?
498
00:30:37,833 --> 00:30:40,166
White House is denying
they even met with them.
499
00:30:40,250 --> 00:30:43,791
Well, assholes will always be assholes.
500
00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:54,625
Hi, I'm Thalia.
501
00:30:54,708 --> 00:30:57,000
The Herald sent me
to help with your wardrobe.
502
00:30:58,416 --> 00:30:59,833
Oh, I'm not wearing that.
503
00:31:01,583 --> 00:31:05,416
Yeah, you actually have
really great facial structure.
504
00:31:05,500 --> 00:31:08,333
How 'bout if we trim
this beard down a little bit and...
505
00:31:08,416 --> 00:31:09,833
I love your hair.
506
00:31:10,625 --> 00:31:11,541
Thank you.
507
00:31:12,375 --> 00:31:15,958
How are we gonna do this?
I talk about the discovery and you...
508
00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:19,083
talk about how urgent it is
that we take action.
509
00:31:19,166 --> 00:31:21,416
How do we say it? I mean...
510
00:31:22,708 --> 00:31:26,125
511
00:31:26,208 --> 00:31:28,458
Yeah, water.
Yeah, water would be nice.
512
00:31:29,625 --> 00:31:32,416
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.
513
00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:37,375
Eleven benevolent elephants.
Eleven benevolent elephants.
514
00:31:38,125 --> 00:31:40,041
Just gonna take some Xanax.
515
00:31:41,125 --> 00:31:42,833
I take it sometimes when I...
516
00:31:44,458 --> 00:31:46,625
Kate, not this time. Not this time.
517
00:31:51,416 --> 00:31:56,291
He just needs to breathe
and speak up. You know?
518
00:31:56,375 --> 00:31:57,875
He's got this. I know he does.
519
00:32:03,208 --> 00:32:04,458
Oh, God. Come on.
520
00:32:09,041 --> 00:32:12,208
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.
521
00:32:12,291 --> 00:32:13,333
You're here now.
522
00:32:17,541 --> 00:32:18,458
Oh, God!
523
00:32:18,541 --> 00:32:20,375
You gotta
stop drinking the cheap shit.
524
00:32:21,750 --> 00:32:23,750
525
00:32:23,833 --> 00:32:25,541
526
00:32:25,625 --> 00:32:27,541
Let's make sure that our eye lines,
527
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:30,250
that we're not looking
at Jack and Brie, please, all right?
528
00:32:30,333 --> 00:32:31,708
And cue the package.
529
00:32:31,791 --> 00:32:33,333
Two glasses. Here we go again.
530
00:32:52,041 --> 00:32:54,708
531
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:58,083
Brie, I've got something for you today.
Listen to this.
532
00:32:58,166 --> 00:33:01,041
President Orlean's Supreme Court nominee,
Sheriff Conlon,
533
00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:06,208
has now been identified
as appearing in a softcore porn cable show
534
00:33:06,291 --> 00:33:07,791
535
00:33:07,875 --> 00:33:10,833
Called Satin Sheet Nights.
536
00:33:10,916 --> 00:33:13,750
537
00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:15,125
Is that Riley Bina?
538
00:33:15,208 --> 00:33:17,166
539
00:33:19,375 --> 00:33:22,208
She looks a lot smaller
in person, doesn't she?
540
00:33:22,791 --> 00:33:24,750
Ride 'em, cowboy.
541
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,333
Good.
542
00:33:27,416 --> 00:33:30,083
Hey, everyone. I'm Sean from the show.
543
00:33:30,166 --> 00:33:33,875
We're gonna do... Jack and Brie
are gonna do ten on the SCOTUS nominee.
544
00:33:33,958 --> 00:33:37,250
545
00:33:37,333 --> 00:33:40,291
A portion of the profits
goes to the manatee sanctuaries.
546
00:33:40,375 --> 00:33:42,375
Yes, but the breakup first.
547
00:33:42,458 --> 00:33:45,083
And then Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky,
548
00:33:45,166 --> 00:33:47,583
you'll come on and talk about
that planet you discovered.
549
00:33:47,666 --> 00:33:49,458
Comet. We found a comet.
550
00:33:49,541 --> 00:33:51,666
They know what we're here
to talk about, right?
551
00:33:51,750 --> 00:33:54,458
Of course. Jack and Brie
love doing science segments.
552
00:33:54,541 --> 00:33:56,375
Just remember, keep it light, fun.
553
00:33:56,458 --> 00:33:58,875
Jack and Brie love having a good time.
554
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,500
That's not promising.
555
00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:03,708
You guys discovered a comet?
That's so dope.
556
00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:05,916
I have a tattoo
of a shooting star on my back.
557
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,833
That's terrific.
558
00:34:13,375 --> 00:34:17,750
We heard about your breakup too,
so we just wanna say...
559
00:34:18,708 --> 00:34:20,333
We're very sorry, right?
560
00:34:20,416 --> 00:34:23,291
We're real sorry.
You seem like a... great person.
561
00:34:24,083 --> 00:34:26,583
Why don't you mind
your own business, you old fuck?
562
00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:30,500
Okay.
563
00:34:33,125 --> 00:34:35,291
Not gonna lie, but my friends
564
00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:38,750
and my Vroom Vroom Army
have been so amazing.
565
00:34:38,833 --> 00:34:42,500
So, I'm really grateful for that.
But, yeah, I can't lie. It's been hard.
566
00:34:42,583 --> 00:34:45,291
567
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:47,250
You're really owning that pain.
568
00:34:47,333 --> 00:34:51,041
You know, Jack, I feel like
there's some kind of conversation
569
00:34:51,125 --> 00:34:54,500
that we need to be having here.
Is there any message
570
00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:58,750
that you would like
to send to your ex, DJ Chello?
571
00:34:59,791 --> 00:35:01,083
You know...
572
00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:02,625
If there's something...
573
00:35:02,708 --> 00:35:04,291
574
00:35:04,375 --> 00:35:07,666
Tell him. As if that was him.
You tell him exactly what you're thinking.
575
00:35:07,750 --> 00:35:09,208
Okay...
576
00:35:11,583 --> 00:35:12,666
Chell.
577
00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:19,250
I still love you,
and after many sleepless nights,
578
00:35:20,750 --> 00:35:21,833
three,
579
00:35:22,541 --> 00:35:23,875
I wanna take you back.
580
00:35:23,958 --> 00:35:25,708
I'm sorry...
581
00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:26,875
582
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:29,875
583
00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:31,666
Yeah. I do.
584
00:35:31,750 --> 00:35:34,000
585
00:35:34,083 --> 00:35:36,250
BASH News just sent me
eight push notifications.
586
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,166
587
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,708
My phone just purchased
DJ Chello's latest single.
588
00:35:40,791 --> 00:35:42,875
What the...
It just did that without asking.
589
00:35:42,958 --> 00:35:45,791
I'm being told that
we have DJ Chello live on a Mugg link.
590
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:48,791
591
00:35:48,875 --> 00:35:50,125
Hey, baby doll. Hey.
592
00:35:50,208 --> 00:35:52,083
593
00:35:52,166 --> 00:35:54,083
594
00:35:54,166 --> 00:35:56,666
Lady Baroque wasn't wearing
any panties in the club that night.
595
00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:58,416
596
00:35:58,500 --> 00:36:00,416
I wasn't thinking straight.
I made a mistake.
597
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,375
But, look, it's always been you.
598
00:36:02,458 --> 00:36:04,791
I get it. It's okay.
599
00:36:04,875 --> 00:36:07,583
I hooked up with her too,
last year at the Music Globes
600
00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:10,000
right before I ran off
with that power forward from the Nuggets,
601
00:36:10,083 --> 00:36:12,250
and none of that matters.
602
00:36:12,333 --> 00:36:15,916
What about forget breakup sex.
Try breakup relationship?
603
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,166
604
00:36:17,250 --> 00:36:20,166
Ten famous second chances
for two-timers, guys.
605
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,166
It's on a plate.
606
00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:25,125
I've been scared, but, honestly,
I'm not scared anymore.
607
00:36:25,208 --> 00:36:26,041
Okay.
608
00:36:26,125 --> 00:36:28,958
My little bumblebee, will you marry me?
609
00:36:29,041 --> 00:36:31,625
Oh, my God. Of course.
610
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:33,208
611
00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:35,416
612
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:36,333
Yes!
613
00:36:36,416 --> 00:36:38,791
All right, DJ Chello.
614
00:36:38,875 --> 00:36:40,875
What is happening?
615
00:36:40,958 --> 00:36:41,916
Just bought another.
616
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,916
617
00:36:46,583 --> 00:36:49,625
Well, the fireworks
have certainly gone off today.
618
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:50,875
619
00:36:50,958 --> 00:36:52,458
Yes, they have.
620
00:36:52,541 --> 00:36:55,250
From a wedding proposal
to a little science experiment.
621
00:36:55,333 --> 00:36:57,250
I'll need a temple rub
and a martini later on.
622
00:36:57,333 --> 00:37:02,041
Our last guests today have made
a pretty big discovery in space.
623
00:37:02,125 --> 00:37:04,041
Astronomer Dr. Randall Mindy
624
00:37:04,125 --> 00:37:07,208
and PhD candidate
Miss Kate Dibiasky are here.
625
00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:08,333
Welcome to the show.
626
00:37:08,416 --> 00:37:11,583
Can I ask you one thing before we go
any further? I have to know this.
627
00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:14,208
Is there life out there?
628
00:37:14,291 --> 00:37:17,708
629
00:37:17,791 --> 00:37:19,958
But sure, in the vastness
of space, why not?
630
00:37:20,041 --> 00:37:21,541
Yes, aliens are real.
631
00:37:21,625 --> 00:37:24,166
I knew I'd like this guy.
Didn't I tell? You owe me 50 bucks.
632
00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:27,000
I'm not saying there's
little green men in flying saucers...
633
00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:30,208
634
00:37:30,291 --> 00:37:31,708
We'll never get out of here.
635
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,541
Now, Jack was having some fun here.
636
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,166
637
00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:37,583
638
00:37:37,666 --> 00:37:39,583
With the aliens...
639
00:37:39,666 --> 00:37:41,458
Really... He really does.
640
00:37:41,541 --> 00:37:43,625
641
00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:47,125
You'll regret it. Now, look,
Jack's just having some fun here
642
00:37:47,208 --> 00:37:48,875
with the aliens or whatever,
643
00:37:48,958 --> 00:37:53,250
but there's a New York Herald story
that's just come out that talks about...
644
00:37:53,333 --> 00:37:55,375
Keep it right there. You're doing good.
645
00:37:55,458 --> 00:37:57,833
646
00:37:57,916 --> 00:38:00,958
Kate was observing supernovas...
647
00:38:01,041 --> 00:38:02,583
Yo, that's your girl?
648
00:38:02,666 --> 00:38:05,083
649
00:38:05,166 --> 00:38:09,625
An absolutely shocking
and once-in-a-lifetime discovery.
650
00:38:09,708 --> 00:38:13,000
I had no idea that Subaru made telescopes.
651
00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:16,166
This has to be exciting.
Tell us what you found, Miss Diabasky.
652
00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:20,250
I was monitoring exploding stars
653
00:38:20,333 --> 00:38:26,750
to help measure
the expansion of the universe and...
654
00:38:26,833 --> 00:38:28,875
655
00:38:28,958 --> 00:38:33,125
I saw something I didn't recognize.
656
00:38:34,541 --> 00:38:36,041
It was a comet.
657
00:38:37,041 --> 00:38:38,166
A big one.
658
00:38:40,708 --> 00:38:44,583
It's headed directly at Earth,
and it really likely will hit.
659
00:38:45,916 --> 00:38:47,791
This sounds very, very exciting.
660
00:38:47,875 --> 00:38:50,458
Exploding stars, like,
stars actually explode.
661
00:38:50,541 --> 00:38:51,708
How big is this thing?
662
00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:54,083
Can it destroy someone's house?
Is that possible?
663
00:38:54,166 --> 00:38:57,333
Well, Comet Dibiasky, which is
what it will officially be named...
664
00:38:57,416 --> 00:38:58,833
665
00:38:58,916 --> 00:39:01,583
666
00:39:01,666 --> 00:39:04,166
It's somewhere between
six and nine kilometers across.
667
00:39:04,250 --> 00:39:05,583
668
00:39:05,666 --> 00:39:08,875
It would damage the entire planet.
669
00:39:08,958 --> 00:39:10,583
Not just a house, you know?
670
00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:11,708
The entire planet.
671
00:39:11,791 --> 00:39:14,708
Okay, as it's damaging,
will it hit this one house in particular
672
00:39:14,791 --> 00:39:17,875
that's right on the coast of New Jersey?
It's my ex-wife's house.
673
00:39:17,958 --> 00:39:19,208
Can we make that happen?
674
00:39:19,291 --> 00:39:21,708
You and Shelly have
a great relationship. Stop.
675
00:39:21,791 --> 00:39:23,125
You need to stop.
676
00:39:23,208 --> 00:39:26,125
I will, but in all fairness,
I actually paid for the house.
677
00:39:26,208 --> 00:39:27,500
I'm so sorry.
678
00:39:27,583 --> 00:39:30,583
I'm sorry, are we not being clear?
679
00:39:31,916 --> 00:39:33,791
We're trying to tell you
680
00:39:33,875 --> 00:39:37,291
that the entire planet
is about to be destroyed.
681
00:39:37,958 --> 00:39:40,291
682
00:39:40,375 --> 00:39:43,625
It's something we do around here.
We just keep the bad news light.
683
00:39:43,708 --> 00:39:45,625
Right.
It helps the medicine go down.
684
00:39:45,708 --> 00:39:47,666
Speaking of medicine, tomorrow we've got...
685
00:39:47,750 --> 00:39:51,541
Well, maybe the destruction
of the entire planet
686
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:53,833
isn't supposed to be fun.
687
00:39:54,625 --> 00:39:58,250
Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying.
688
00:39:58,333 --> 00:39:59,333
And unsettling.
689
00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:01,125
No, please don't do that.
690
00:40:01,208 --> 00:40:03,333
691
00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:05,250
Every night crying,
692
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:09,750
when we're all 100%
for sure gonna fucking die!
693
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:12,416
Hey, Kate.
694
00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:13,500
I'm sorry.
695
00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:15,708
Hey, man.
696
00:40:16,375 --> 00:40:19,708
My brother has bipolar disorder.
So if you ever need anyone to talk...
697
00:40:20,708 --> 00:40:22,583
Okay.
698
00:40:22,666 --> 00:40:25,583
Is she always like that?
699
00:40:26,291 --> 00:40:28,083
700
00:40:28,166 --> 00:40:30,083
Right?
701
00:40:30,166 --> 00:40:33,625
Maybe I should have given her
that extra Xanax that I had.
702
00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:38,208
Listen, if you don't have enough,
we all have enough around here for her.
703
00:40:38,291 --> 00:40:41,166
A spoonful of Xanax
makes the medicine go down, right?
704
00:40:41,250 --> 00:40:42,916
That's right. That's good.
705
00:40:43,916 --> 00:40:47,166
706
00:40:47,250 --> 00:40:49,333
707
00:40:49,416 --> 00:40:50,333
Okay.
708
00:40:50,416 --> 00:40:52,791
Well, the handsome astronomer
709
00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:56,375
can come back anytime,
but the yelling lady, not so much.
710
00:40:56,458 --> 00:40:59,416
Not so much. Join us tomorrow
when our guest will be the man
711
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:03,083
that many say will challenge
President Orlean in two years.
712
00:41:03,166 --> 00:41:05,166
Senator Jeff Lerner will be here.
713
00:41:05,250 --> 00:41:08,000
And wrongly-convicted murderer,
Michelle Weems,
714
00:41:08,083 --> 00:41:12,375
talks to us about her controversial
third-place finish on Celebrity Dance Off.
715
00:41:12,458 --> 00:41:15,833
716
00:41:15,916 --> 00:41:18,083
717
00:41:18,666 --> 00:41:20,583
718
00:41:20,666 --> 00:41:21,958
719
00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:24,500
720
00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:28,500
You were great, but I think mullet girl,
she probably needs some media training.
721
00:41:29,625 --> 00:41:31,291
722
00:41:31,375 --> 00:41:33,916
Thanks. Thanks, Billy.
723
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:39,500
We usually get drinks at Aundrine's
after our five o'clock staff meeting.
724
00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:42,041
You know, it's fun. You should come.
725
00:41:42,125 --> 00:41:45,041
Oh, I'll have to see.
Thank you for the invitation. Thank you.
726
00:41:47,916 --> 00:41:49,291
Kate? Kate?
727
00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:52,250
728
00:41:52,333 --> 00:41:54,291
Can I get a photo of you for my portfolio?
729
00:41:54,375 --> 00:41:55,666
730
00:41:55,750 --> 00:41:57,083
Thank you.
731
00:41:57,666 --> 00:41:59,166
You can see this spike here
732
00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:01,375
is when Riley Bina
asked to take DJ Chello back
733
00:42:01,458 --> 00:42:02,750
on the segment before you.
734
00:42:02,833 --> 00:42:06,041
We saw engagement across
all social media platforms.
735
00:42:06,125 --> 00:42:08,916
And what about our story?
736
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,958
Randall and Kate,
737
00:42:12,041 --> 00:42:15,750
your TV appearance got some nice traffic
when Miss Dibiasky cursed.
738
00:42:15,833 --> 00:42:19,041
But, unfortunately,
there was an immediate backlash
739
00:42:19,125 --> 00:42:20,833
that quickly became a meme.
740
00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:22,208
Oh, Jesus.
741
00:42:22,875 --> 00:42:26,250
742
00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:29,333
I mean, look at that.
That's so unnecessary.
743
00:42:30,708 --> 00:42:33,125
744
00:42:33,208 --> 00:42:35,916
That is just so...
Is that even allowed on the internet or...
745
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,625
I think that's Photoshop, Kate.
746
00:42:37,708 --> 00:42:40,083
The trick is
to not take it personal...
747
00:42:40,166 --> 00:42:44,458
Dr. Mindy, on the other hand,
had some very high favorables.
748
00:42:44,541 --> 00:42:49,125
Vegan*Babe wrote...
Meow! Me likey hunky Star Man.
749
00:42:49,208 --> 00:42:52,208
Some accounts called him
The Bedroom Eyes Doomsday Prophet
750
00:42:52,291 --> 00:42:55,083
or A-I-L-F, which means
astronomer I'd like to fuck.
751
00:42:56,125 --> 00:42:58,666
I don't see what that has
to do with anything, do you?
752
00:42:59,375 --> 00:43:02,500
And that's everything.
753
00:43:02,583 --> 00:43:05,666
We did not feature or push on any sites,
754
00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:09,083
and clicks overall were below
basic weather and traffic stories.
755
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:12,500
So that... that... that's it?
756
00:43:12,583 --> 00:43:14,333
757
00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:17,833
758
00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:20,750
I don't... I don't understand.
759
00:43:20,833 --> 00:43:22,666
I don't understand. There's no response.
760
00:43:22,750 --> 00:43:27,375
There's absolutely no...
Why aren't people terrified?
761
00:43:27,458 --> 00:43:29,458
What do we have to say?
What do we have to do?
762
00:43:29,541 --> 00:43:32,916
There are scientists in Mexico and Spain
who are currently going through the data,
763
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,708
and South Korea has expressed...
764
00:43:34,791 --> 00:43:36,500
765
00:43:36,583 --> 00:43:39,041
Let us not bullshit each other.
766
00:43:39,125 --> 00:43:42,791
The bottom line is,
you guys told us the science was 100%.
767
00:43:42,875 --> 00:43:44,625
It's not. Now we look like idiots.
768
00:43:44,708 --> 00:43:47,291
769
00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:50,250
I wanna talk to this person.
You tell me who said the science...
770
00:43:50,333 --> 00:43:53,333
Dr. Jocelyn Calder, the head of NASA,
771
00:43:53,416 --> 00:43:56,625
just came out calling it
more near-miss hysteria.
772
00:43:56,708 --> 00:43:58,625
She's the one
who told us not to say anything.
773
00:43:58,708 --> 00:44:00,083
More near-miss hysteria.
774
00:44:00,166 --> 00:44:01,291
Is she even an astronomer?
775
00:44:01,375 --> 00:44:04,458
She's the head of NASA, but maybe
she doesn't know what she's talking about.
776
00:44:04,541 --> 00:44:05,958
She's the head of NASA, but look,
777
00:44:06,041 --> 00:44:09,875
she's a former anesthesiologist
and a President Orlean super donor.
778
00:44:09,958 --> 00:44:11,583
Let's not be dramatic here.
779
00:44:11,666 --> 00:44:12,666
It's all corrupt.
780
00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:16,416
Yes, but the point is that Adul's right.
There's still serious debate.
781
00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:18,708
And now the Herald has egg on its face.
782
00:44:18,791 --> 00:44:20,916
We've taken that story as far as it goes.
783
00:44:21,666 --> 00:44:25,625
Ladies, gentlemen,
I wish you a very pleasant end of times.
784
00:44:25,708 --> 00:44:27,708
It's not a goddamn story, okay?
785
00:44:30,208 --> 00:44:32,916
We have precisely six months, ten days,
786
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,250
two hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds,
787
00:44:36,333 --> 00:44:39,000
until a comet twice the size of Chicxulub
788
00:44:39,083 --> 00:44:41,833
tears through our atmosphere
and extincts all life on Earth.
789
00:44:41,916 --> 00:44:44,833
When did you
do those calculations?
790
00:44:45,666 --> 00:44:48,250
I put the moment of impact on a diet app.
791
00:44:48,333 --> 00:44:51,958
So, impact is when my diet ends.
792
00:44:52,041 --> 00:44:56,125
Only I'm not on a diet.
I'm just crying five times a day.
793
00:44:56,208 --> 00:44:58,125
794
00:44:58,833 --> 00:45:01,416
Everyone should be
panicking right now, okay?
795
00:45:01,500 --> 00:45:03,416
796
00:45:06,833 --> 00:45:08,291
That prick!
797
00:45:16,500 --> 00:45:17,666
What happened?
798
00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:20,083
Guess my boyfriend just broke up with me.
799
00:45:20,166 --> 00:45:24,500
God, what a day. What a day...
800
00:45:32,666 --> 00:45:35,958
You're gonna die!
You're gonna die! You're...
801
00:45:46,291 --> 00:45:49,708
It started with
a photo many thought was an armpit
802
00:45:49,791 --> 00:45:52,458
or the chin of a man with a strange beard.
803
00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:54,833
But what's emerging now is a scandal...
804
00:45:54,916 --> 00:45:57,833
President Orlean sent
her Supreme Court nominee
805
00:45:57,916 --> 00:46:00,583
a cell phone picture of her private parts.
806
00:46:00,666 --> 00:46:02,708
807
00:46:02,791 --> 00:46:05,250
Is this what you want
in your country as a leader?
808
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:07,708
Isn't she the same person
who told poor people
809
00:46:07,791 --> 00:46:11,833
that if they don't wanna be poor,
they should pick better lottery numbers?
810
00:46:11,916 --> 00:46:12,958
She actually said that.
811
00:46:13,041 --> 00:46:14,541
A source also confirmed to me that
812
00:46:14,625 --> 00:46:16,750
the two have been
having an affair for years.
813
00:46:16,833 --> 00:46:18,416
And as recently as yesterday...
814
00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,583
Members of my party
are currently drawing up a formal censure
815
00:46:22,666 --> 00:46:23,625
of the president,
816
00:46:24,583 --> 00:46:25,500
Janie Orlean...
817
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:26,916
Oh, my God, honey.
818
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,791
This guy doesn't even know
what a heliocentric orbit is,
819
00:46:29,875 --> 00:46:32,625
and he's calling me a crackpot.
820
00:46:32,708 --> 00:46:33,708
He says that,
821
00:46:34,541 --> 00:46:38,166
Jewish billionaires
invented this comet threat
822
00:46:38,250 --> 00:46:42,125
so the government
can confiscate our liberty and our guns.
823
00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:45,500
#DontBeScared. Unbelievable.
824
00:46:46,208 --> 00:46:47,041
My God.
825
00:46:47,125 --> 00:46:49,041
You've been on that site a lot lately.
826
00:46:49,625 --> 00:46:54,833
Yeah. I mean, I... I have, like,
a quarter million subscribers, honey.
827
00:46:54,916 --> 00:46:57,875
I gotta use my voice
to get the truth out there, right?
828
00:46:58,833 --> 00:47:01,916
I'm going for a walk
if you wanna come.
829
00:47:05,208 --> 00:47:07,750
It is called
the scientific method...
830
00:47:08,750 --> 00:47:11,666
and it is what created the computer
831
00:47:11,750 --> 00:47:16,666
that you are typing
your half-witted conspiracy theories on.
832
00:47:18,125 --> 00:47:19,708
What do you think about that?
833
00:47:20,750 --> 00:47:21,958
Randall?
834
00:47:22,750 --> 00:47:25,250
835
00:47:25,916 --> 00:47:28,083
Who? Oh, boy.
836
00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:32,500
Oh, my gosh.
837
00:47:33,541 --> 00:47:35,458
Oh, God, right. Okay.
838
00:47:36,541 --> 00:47:37,375
Right.
839
00:47:37,875 --> 00:47:39,166
Are you Dr. Randall Mindy?
840
00:47:39,250 --> 00:47:40,416
Yes, sir. I am.
841
00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,833
We're all gonna die.
842
00:47:43,916 --> 00:47:45,708
Fuck off, please.
843
00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:51,958
FBI! Freeze! Get on your knees right now!
Get on your knees!
844
00:47:52,708 --> 00:47:55,500
You're under arrest
for breach of national security secrets.
845
00:47:55,583 --> 00:47:56,458
Jesus Christ!
846
00:47:56,541 --> 00:48:00,125
You could've just called me
or showed up to my apartment.
847
00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:03,208
What are you, dressed up as a blind guy?
848
00:48:05,666 --> 00:48:08,583
849
00:48:09,541 --> 00:48:12,083
I just have
more skin pigmentation than you.
850
00:48:12,166 --> 00:48:15,083
'Cause your ancestors
migrated to Northern Europe
851
00:48:15,166 --> 00:48:17,250
and developed lighter skin
so as to not get...
852
00:48:19,500 --> 00:48:22,958
Unless you assholes
are taking me to the Batcave,
853
00:48:23,041 --> 00:48:24,791
fuck you for putting this hood on me.
854
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,541
Watch out for him.
He'll charge you for free shit.
855
00:48:30,208 --> 00:48:32,583
What's he doing here?
Is he here for us?
856
00:48:33,250 --> 00:48:34,625
Gentlemen, you can come in.
857
00:48:39,208 --> 00:48:41,541
I think
it was Winston Churchill who...
858
00:48:41,625 --> 00:48:47,500
Or maybe it was Bobby Knight
who said, the great labor of leadership
859
00:48:47,583 --> 00:48:51,083
is to lay down one's yoke of pride
860
00:48:51,833 --> 00:48:54,791
and admit that mistakes were made.
861
00:48:54,875 --> 00:48:58,041
You were deceived,
as was I, but the end result was,
862
00:48:58,125 --> 00:49:01,791
we had our scientists who went to
the prestigious schools of Harvard,
863
00:49:01,875 --> 00:49:03,000
Princeton, et cetera.
864
00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:08,416
They confirmed the data.
So we would like to offer you a...
865
00:49:09,916 --> 00:49:12,000
presidential apology.
866
00:49:12,083 --> 00:49:13,000
Really?
867
00:49:13,750 --> 00:49:16,625
And we are fully prepared to mobilize
868
00:49:16,708 --> 00:49:19,583
in historic fashion
in order to save this planet.
869
00:49:21,666 --> 00:49:23,875
The best news
we've heard in a long time.
870
00:49:23,958 --> 00:49:27,541
So, basically, what you're saying is
871
00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:31,458
you're about to lose the midterms
'cause you got caught
872
00:49:31,541 --> 00:49:35,625
sending pictures of your cooch
to your porn-star sheriff boyfriend.
873
00:49:35,708 --> 00:49:39,625
So now it's to your advantage
to act on the comet?
874
00:49:41,541 --> 00:49:42,708
Right.
875
00:49:42,791 --> 00:49:44,041
Okay.
876
00:49:44,666 --> 00:49:46,000
Okay. I'm just...
877
00:49:47,791 --> 00:49:51,041
God, I'm so relieved
that you guys are doing something.
878
00:49:51,125 --> 00:49:54,708
879
00:49:54,791 --> 00:49:56,958
880
00:49:57,041 --> 00:50:00,166
This has been really, really,
really stressful on all of us.
881
00:50:00,250 --> 00:50:01,291
Yes, I will agree.
882
00:50:01,375 --> 00:50:03,583
This will take some
heavy weight off all of us...
883
00:50:03,666 --> 00:50:06,583
Sorry, you just look
so bad when you cry.
884
00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:08,458
Maybe, possibly.
885
00:50:08,541 --> 00:50:10,458
People are gonna ask
why we didn't act earlier.
886
00:50:10,541 --> 00:50:12,958
So you're gonna have
to take the hit on this one.
887
00:50:13,041 --> 00:50:16,083
Yeah, but we'll take care
of you down the road, Jocelyn.
888
00:50:16,750 --> 00:50:18,375
889
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,500
I will resign in disgrace
first thing tomorrow.
890
00:50:21,583 --> 00:50:24,291
891
00:50:24,375 --> 00:50:26,458
She's an anesthesiologist.
892
00:50:26,541 --> 00:50:29,541
I'm going to make a statement,
893
00:50:29,625 --> 00:50:32,166
presidential statement
to the American people.
894
00:50:32,250 --> 00:50:35,041
And we're not gonna tell
the press about it ahead of time
895
00:50:35,125 --> 00:50:37,916
because that way
it will have the appearance
896
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,666
of a breaking emergency sort of...
897
00:50:39,750 --> 00:50:42,166
Good things
come to those who wait.
898
00:50:42,250 --> 00:50:44,166
See?
899
00:50:45,458 --> 00:50:47,125
Oh, my God!
900
00:50:50,125 --> 00:50:53,166
We interrupt this broadcast
of Jackpot Fiancé
901
00:50:53,250 --> 00:50:56,500
for an emergency message
from the president of the United States.
902
00:50:59,916 --> 00:51:02,875
Citizens of the United States
and peoples of the world,
903
00:51:03,458 --> 00:51:04,791
I have just been handed
904
00:51:04,875 --> 00:51:09,000
scientific findings that
confirm a worst-case scenario.
905
00:51:10,625 --> 00:51:14,833
An unprecedented comet,
nine kilometers wide,
906
00:51:14,916 --> 00:51:21,333
is now on a direct collision course
with our cherished home, planet Earth.
907
00:51:21,416 --> 00:51:24,666
Estimated time of arrival
is approximately five months from now.
908
00:51:24,750 --> 00:51:25,666
So we have...
909
00:51:25,750 --> 00:51:27,958
We've drawn up a massive
Congressional spending bill...
910
00:51:28,041 --> 00:51:31,791
I have already put together an emergency
spending package for Congress...
911
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:34,083
That the Senate
and the House have agreed upon.
912
00:51:34,166 --> 00:51:35,000
That's good to hear.
913
00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:39,166
And that will enable NASA
and our great military
914
00:51:39,250 --> 00:51:41,083
to launch a preemptive strike,
915
00:51:42,541 --> 00:51:46,250
using decommissioned
space shuttles and satellites
916
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:49,041
loaded with nuclear explosives.
917
00:51:49,125 --> 00:51:53,333
We will blow Comet Dibiasky
off her course...
918
00:51:53,416 --> 00:51:55,458
But we're gonna need a hero.
919
00:51:55,541 --> 00:51:58,791
We're gonna need a pilot, real guns and...
920
00:51:58,875 --> 00:52:02,250
Shouldn't this mission be accomplished
using remote technology?
921
00:52:02,333 --> 00:52:04,541
Washington's always gotta have a hero.
922
00:52:04,625 --> 00:52:06,000
I have asked
923
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:13,000
Medal of Freedom recipient
and outspoken patriot, Benedict Drask,
924
00:52:13,083 --> 00:52:16,250
to undertake this difficult and...
925
00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:18,958
I'm sorry.
Isn't he the mercenary gentleman
926
00:52:19,041 --> 00:52:22,416
that was screaming at all those children
on the White House lawn?
927
00:52:22,500 --> 00:52:25,916
Yeah.
He was given the honor of leading
928
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:29,333
the presidential initiative
in getting kids to exercise.
929
00:52:29,416 --> 00:52:31,250
Get a little air into it, you lard-ass...
930
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,333
You look like a goddamn bunch of pussies.
931
00:52:34,416 --> 00:52:36,666
932
00:52:36,750 --> 00:52:38,083
You know, I used to date him.
933
00:52:38,166 --> 00:52:41,375
Know what happened to the last pussy
I worked with in combat?
934
00:52:41,458 --> 00:52:43,250
You ever see inside a man's torso?
935
00:52:47,416 --> 00:52:49,541
Benedict Drask reporting for duty.
936
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:53,791
937
00:52:53,875 --> 00:52:55,458
He's got a great voice.
938
00:52:55,541 --> 00:52:58,166
939
00:52:58,250 --> 00:52:59,625
He's got a great body too.
940
00:52:59,708 --> 00:53:01,250
941
00:53:01,333 --> 00:53:02,958
Suicide mission.
942
00:53:03,041 --> 00:53:04,458
Well, all I ask is,
943
00:53:05,541 --> 00:53:06,875
if I get snuffed,
944
00:53:08,041 --> 00:53:11,458
that you all earn
the extra living my sacrifice gives you.
945
00:53:11,541 --> 00:53:14,000
The extra living
my sacrifice gives them.
946
00:53:14,625 --> 00:53:16,500
947
00:53:16,583 --> 00:53:18,708
Isn't that from Saving Private Ryan?
948
00:53:18,791 --> 00:53:21,708
949
00:53:21,791 --> 00:53:25,500
And special thanks should also go
to this team of scientists behind me...
950
00:53:25,583 --> 00:53:28,250
We're gonna need
everybody's help on this.
951
00:53:28,333 --> 00:53:30,208
Everybody.
952
00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:33,916
All have to pitch in
and push out this message.
953
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,458
African-American scientist.
954
00:53:35,541 --> 00:53:37,125
Miss Dibiasky, she...
955
00:53:37,208 --> 00:53:40,583
And we have Kate Dibiasky,
who the comet is named after,
956
00:53:40,666 --> 00:53:42,458
but don't blame her.
957
00:53:42,541 --> 00:53:46,166
Connects with the disaffected youth
and the mentally ill.
958
00:53:46,250 --> 00:53:48,125
959
00:53:48,208 --> 00:53:51,500
960
00:53:51,583 --> 00:53:52,916
We're there for you.
961
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,250
Especially you, Dr. Mindy,
because you poll so much higher
962
00:53:56,333 --> 00:53:58,666
than your colleagues.
It's wild.
963
00:53:58,750 --> 00:54:04,250
He will help us destroy
our common enemy, Dibiasky.
964
00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:07,041
Wonderful. Well, I think we're done.
965
00:54:07,125 --> 00:54:08,666
Yep, okay. Let's go.
966
00:54:08,750 --> 00:54:10,291
Can I say something?
967
00:54:10,375 --> 00:54:12,583
We've been dying to hear
what you gotta say.
968
00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:14,375
I didn't vote for you.
969
00:54:16,541 --> 00:54:22,708
But this is obviously
much bigger than my misgivings.
970
00:54:22,791 --> 00:54:27,125
So I will be 100% behind this effort.
971
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,791
No matter how offensive I may find you.
972
00:54:31,875 --> 00:54:34,375
That's great.
973
00:54:34,458 --> 00:54:36,291
Yeah. That's really nice.
974
00:54:36,375 --> 00:54:39,208
You know, I did have the FBI
put that bag over your head.
975
00:54:39,291 --> 00:54:42,291
They don't do that.
The CIA does, but I made them do it.
976
00:54:42,375 --> 00:54:45,083
You know, I had a feeling. I really did.
977
00:54:45,958 --> 00:54:48,416
It's a good feeling
'cause that is what I did.
978
00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:51,291
979
00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:55,458
May Jesus Christ
bless every single one of you,
980
00:54:56,208 --> 00:54:59,333
especially the honorable members
of my own party.
981
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:01,125
We will prevail.
982
00:55:31,708 --> 00:55:35,208
We're all gonna die!
983
00:55:35,291 --> 00:55:38,083
Guys, this comet
is seriously stressing me out.
984
00:55:38,166 --> 00:55:40,250
Well, it's coming. People gotta dig in.
985
00:55:40,333 --> 00:55:42,708
I already got buyers
for these shovels on e-market.
986
00:55:42,791 --> 00:55:46,833
Clean sweep for President Orlean
in these midterm elections.
987
00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,250
988
00:55:53,375 --> 00:55:56,916
Discharge the duties
on which I am about to enter.
989
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,083
So help you God.
990
00:55:58,166 --> 00:56:00,416
991
00:56:01,708 --> 00:56:05,458
We have talk of
a Nobel Peace Prize in the offing.
992
00:56:05,541 --> 00:56:08,833
He's not hot.
993
00:56:23,750 --> 00:56:25,041
Hello, Sammy.
994
00:56:25,125 --> 00:56:28,416
Are you really a doctor?
995
00:56:28,500 --> 00:56:31,750
Well, sort of. I'm an astronomer.
996
00:56:31,833 --> 00:56:35,833
What is an astronomer?
997
00:56:35,916 --> 00:56:38,708
Dr. Mindy, there is
a lot of fear out there,
998
00:56:38,791 --> 00:56:40,541
in America, around the world.
999
00:56:40,625 --> 00:56:42,708
Parents don't know
what to say to their kids.
1000
00:56:42,791 --> 00:56:45,291
What would you say to them
to help them understand?
1001
00:56:45,375 --> 00:56:48,791
Well, I'm sure many of us
are frightened right now.
1002
00:56:49,458 --> 00:56:55,708
But I can assure you, our best
and our brightest, they're on the job.
1003
00:56:56,250 --> 00:57:00,458
I've seen the science
on this plan and it is sound.
1004
00:57:00,541 --> 00:57:05,208
I know your words are a great comfort
to all our viewers, Dr. Randall,
1005
00:57:05,291 --> 00:57:09,416
and we thank you
for your courage and your service.
1006
00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:11,166
I'd just like to say
1007
00:57:11,791 --> 00:57:16,541
that whenever
I feel afraid or alone in this, I...
1008
00:57:17,833 --> 00:57:21,000
I think of you and I just...
I feel better.
1009
00:57:21,083 --> 00:57:22,375
So thank you.
1010
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,375
That's my job.
1011
00:57:35,458 --> 00:57:37,583
1012
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:42,500
1013
00:57:42,583 --> 00:57:43,708
Oh, boy.
1014
00:57:43,791 --> 00:57:47,375
So, these two Marxists
wave around the word science
1015
00:57:47,458 --> 00:57:49,583
and we're all supposed
to do whatever they say?
1016
00:57:49,666 --> 00:57:52,291
Yeah, how do we know
there even is a comet?
1017
00:57:52,375 --> 00:57:56,125
Mr. Pawketty, Congressman,
this data has been proven
1018
00:57:56,208 --> 00:58:00,458
and has been peer-reviewed
by hundreds of world-renowned scientists.
1019
00:58:00,541 --> 00:58:04,541
And we're supposed to trust you?
The comet's got your name.
1020
00:58:05,958 --> 00:58:07,916
I don't... I don't see the relevancy.
1021
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,791
Why won't you
answer the question?
1022
00:58:09,875 --> 00:58:11,916
1023
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,125
Grow up here, okay?
1024
00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:14,416
This is ridiculous.
1025
00:58:16,416 --> 00:58:20,416
I've just realized, we don't really know
anything about each other. Do we?
1026
00:58:22,125 --> 00:58:23,083
True.
1027
00:58:24,291 --> 00:58:27,666
Well, every time I try
to ask you about your life,
1028
00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:31,416
you seem to just tell me
about your favorite restaurants.
1029
00:58:32,375 --> 00:58:33,541
Well, I... You know...
1030
00:58:34,250 --> 00:58:36,041
I just despise the, you know,
1031
00:58:36,125 --> 00:58:38,291
getting-to-know-you part
of relationships, so...
1032
00:58:38,958 --> 00:58:41,000
Oh, okay. I understand.
1033
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,208
Okay, let's just
get it over and done with.
1034
00:58:47,708 --> 00:58:48,916
Okay...
1035
00:58:49,958 --> 00:58:51,708
Right, so...
1036
00:58:52,375 --> 00:58:56,833
My grandfather invented
the flash-freezing process.
1037
00:58:56,916 --> 00:58:59,166
So I come from grotesque money,
1038
00:58:59,250 --> 00:59:03,500
but I got away from it
by getting three masters degrees.
1039
00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:07,125
I've been divorced twice.
1040
00:59:07,208 --> 00:59:13,708
One was a Secretary of State,
and the other one was a sport fisherman.
1041
00:59:13,791 --> 00:59:19,666
I have slept
with two former presidents.
1042
00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:24,583
I speak four languages,
and I own two Monets.
1043
00:59:27,750 --> 00:59:29,958
Two former presidents.
1044
00:59:31,958 --> 00:59:33,875
1045
00:59:33,958 --> 00:59:40,250
All right. My father was
a middle school geography teacher.
1046
00:59:40,333 --> 00:59:43,583
My mother,
she cut hair out of the kitchen.
1047
00:59:43,666 --> 00:59:47,500
About two years ago,
our family dog, JoJo, died,
1048
00:59:47,583 --> 00:59:49,583
which was really, really emotional.
1049
00:59:49,666 --> 00:59:53,041
I can't remember crying that much ever.
1050
00:59:54,583 --> 00:59:55,541
And...
1051
00:59:57,250 --> 01:00:02,541
I finally got my Star Wars poster
signed by Mark Hamill.
1052
01:00:02,625 --> 01:00:04,708
It's in the garage. It's... So, yeah.
1053
01:00:05,583 --> 01:00:07,666
Okay, good.
1054
01:00:09,958 --> 01:00:10,958
That's done.
1055
01:00:15,666 --> 01:00:17,958
Where are we gonna go for dinner tonight?
1056
01:00:26,333 --> 01:00:28,916
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
1057
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,750
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.
1058
01:00:31,833 --> 01:00:36,083
He leads me beside the quiet waters.
He restores my soul.
1059
01:00:36,166 --> 01:00:39,583
Not since D-Day have we seen
such a mass mobilization
1060
01:00:39,666 --> 01:00:43,416
of unions and resources
for such a noble task.
1061
01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,916
One cannot help but be moved
by the bravery, ingenuity,
1062
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,083
and sacrifice on display here.
1063
01:01:09,541 --> 01:01:12,125
Okay, here we go, everyone.
Let's stay sharp.
1064
01:01:14,041 --> 01:01:17,416
I just want you to know,
this is the most propulsive thing
1065
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:20,041
that's ever happened to me. Thank you.
1066
01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:36,541
What's the holdup, you guys?
What are you waiting on?
1067
01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:40,625
Come on, motherfuckers,
let's light this fucking firecracker, huh?
1068
01:01:41,166 --> 01:01:42,541
Think I got all day?
1069
01:01:42,625 --> 01:01:47,208
Commander Drask,
this is your president speaking.
1070
01:01:48,458 --> 01:01:50,333
Your nation thanks you.
1071
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:52,708
Your planet thanks you.
1072
01:01:53,416 --> 01:01:55,875
And God and I thank you.
1073
01:01:56,583 --> 01:01:59,208
Listen, the only thanks I need
is a shot of Jack Daniels.
1074
01:01:59,291 --> 01:02:03,208
And a couple DUIs to magically go away.
1075
01:02:05,083 --> 01:02:08,916
This is Mission Control.
All indicators are coming up green.
1076
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,416
This is a final warning
to control the launchpad.
1077
01:02:11,500 --> 01:02:17,208
Your discovery led to this mission
and our chance to save Earth.
1078
01:02:18,375 --> 01:02:19,666
I give you...
1079
01:02:22,041 --> 01:02:23,041
the honor.
1080
01:02:28,458 --> 01:02:29,458
Thank you.
1081
01:02:31,666 --> 01:02:34,958
Thank you,
Madam President.
1082
01:02:36,458 --> 01:02:38,833
Citizens of planet Earth,
1083
01:02:39,875 --> 01:02:43,041
everything is theoretically impossible
1084
01:02:43,708 --> 01:02:45,125
until it is done.
1085
01:02:46,250 --> 01:02:47,541
And with that,
1086
01:02:47,625 --> 01:02:49,750
we are go for launch.
1087
01:02:49,833 --> 01:02:50,708
Yes.
1088
01:02:50,791 --> 01:02:52,458
1089
01:02:52,541 --> 01:02:53,541
It was lit.
1090
01:02:55,833 --> 01:02:58,083
Hey, everyone, mind if I join?
1091
01:02:59,125 --> 01:03:01,000
1092
01:03:01,083 --> 01:03:04,708
Hi. Oh, Brie, you look fabulous.
1093
01:03:04,791 --> 01:03:05,791
As always.
1094
01:03:06,958 --> 01:03:08,333
Is he allowed to be in here?
1095
01:03:08,416 --> 01:03:12,291
Yeah, he's a Platinum Eagle level donor
to the campaign. He has full clearance.
1096
01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:14,000
Launch mission array.
1097
01:03:14,083 --> 01:03:17,625
Molly kicking in right now.
Timed that shit perfect.
1098
01:03:17,708 --> 01:03:20,666
Ten, nine, eight...
1099
01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:24,791
seven, six, five, four...
1100
01:03:24,875 --> 01:03:26,125
Three...
1101
01:03:40,541 --> 01:03:41,750
Thank God!
1102
01:04:00,083 --> 01:04:03,541
<i>Oh, Susannah,
don't you cry for me</i>
1103
01:04:03,625 --> 01:04:07,958
<i>I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee, hey!</i>
1104
01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:11,583
We didn't lose
any satellites.
1105
01:04:11,666 --> 01:04:14,916
Margin of error
was for two to malfunction.
1106
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:19,166
Hey, Madam President, may I have a word
with you outside for a moment, please?
1107
01:04:19,791 --> 01:04:20,916
Oh, my God.
1108
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:23,791
Mission success probability
is already increased to 81%.
1109
01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:25,875
Outstanding.
1110
01:04:26,583 --> 01:04:27,750
Janie, now!
1111
01:04:27,833 --> 01:04:30,583
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
1112
01:04:30,666 --> 01:04:32,250
Peter, I didn't mean...
1113
01:04:36,500 --> 01:04:41,708
And a big hello to that beautiful
blue ball down there we all call home.
1114
01:04:42,208 --> 01:04:45,625
All those proud white folks working hard.
1115
01:04:46,125 --> 01:04:47,083
God bless you.
1116
01:04:47,875 --> 01:04:50,125
Just a different generation. Yeah.
1117
01:04:50,791 --> 01:04:53,666
I also wanna say hello
to all the Indians out there.
1118
01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:54,833
Both kinds.
1119
01:04:54,916 --> 01:04:59,041
You know, the ones with the elephants
and the ones with the bow and arrows.
1120
01:04:59,708 --> 01:05:01,500
Hey, why haven't you guys ever teamed up?
1121
01:05:01,583 --> 01:05:03,458
How cool would that be, huh?
1122
01:05:03,541 --> 01:05:05,458
I wanna say hello
to all the gays out there.
1123
01:05:05,541 --> 01:05:07,875
Commander, booster ejection is imminent.
1124
01:05:07,958 --> 01:05:10,208
1125
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:22,666
Separation confirmed.
1126
01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,500
Separation confirmed.
1127
01:05:29,083 --> 01:05:30,166
Was that French?
1128
01:05:31,458 --> 01:05:37,000
Yes, it is. It means, the angels soar
to the heavens. It's...
1129
01:05:38,333 --> 01:05:42,458
It's from a 14th-century poem
I studied in Dartmouth.
1130
01:05:42,541 --> 01:05:45,875
And just watching this,
it just made me think of it,
1131
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:48,416
and think of you.
1132
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:50,500
God, I can't...
1133
01:05:51,375 --> 01:05:52,333
can't...
1134
01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:04,125
Go! Go! Go!
1135
01:06:05,791 --> 01:06:08,666
I think I probably should go
to the hospital and see what they...
1136
01:06:08,750 --> 01:06:10,708
Launch challenge!
1137
01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:13,666
Go! Go! Go!
1138
01:06:17,458 --> 01:06:19,583
Everyone, I have just received
1139
01:06:19,666 --> 01:06:23,416
some critical information
concerning our mission.
1140
01:06:32,625 --> 01:06:34,291
Looks like it's turning around.
1141
01:06:37,125 --> 01:06:40,250
No, it's not. It's a course correction.
1142
01:06:40,333 --> 01:06:41,875
It's pretty standard.
1143
01:06:41,958 --> 01:06:43,416
I was in the Navy.
1144
01:06:45,083 --> 01:06:47,375
Nope. It's turning around.
1145
01:06:47,458 --> 01:06:51,166
Seems to be
some confusion here amongst the crowd,
1146
01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:52,875
but I'm not gonna lie to you.
1147
01:06:52,958 --> 01:06:55,916
This reporter
is at a loss for words right now.
1148
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:59,208
It's definitely turning around.
1149
01:06:59,291 --> 01:07:01,416
I'm looking straight at it.
1150
01:07:01,500 --> 01:07:05,500
Drask's ship is definitely turning around.
1151
01:07:07,916 --> 01:07:10,291
Does anyone know
what the fuck just happened?
1152
01:07:16,208 --> 01:07:17,583
It's still locked.
1153
01:07:17,666 --> 01:07:20,375
I just don't... I don't understand
what could've happened.
1154
01:07:20,458 --> 01:07:23,250
I mean, the mission was working, right?
Everything was on track.
1155
01:07:23,333 --> 01:07:26,166
Yeah. I mean,
it could've been anything...
1156
01:07:26,250 --> 01:07:31,958
Guidance system could've malfunctioned,
nuke destabilized, myriad of things.
1157
01:07:32,583 --> 01:07:35,625
Who was that guy that walked into
the Situation Room? He looked familiar.
1158
01:07:35,708 --> 01:07:42,083
That was Peter Isherwell, CEO of BASH,
and the third richest human ever.
1159
01:07:42,166 --> 01:07:46,125
He's the guy that bought
the Gutenberg Bible and lost it.
1160
01:07:47,416 --> 01:07:48,916
Sorry to keep you waiting.
1161
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,833
Things are extremely fluid.
1162
01:07:53,291 --> 01:07:56,916
Dr. Randall, you are now the Chief
Science Advisor to the White House.
1163
01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:57,833
What?
1164
01:07:57,916 --> 01:08:00,666
As such, you need to attend
an emergency Cabinet meeting
1165
01:08:00,750 --> 01:08:02,000
where you will be debriefed.
1166
01:08:02,083 --> 01:08:03,083
What about us?
1167
01:08:03,666 --> 01:08:06,166
You do not have clearance
for this, sweetheart. Don't trip.
1168
01:08:06,250 --> 01:08:09,000
Got you some crackers, some waters.
1169
01:08:09,083 --> 01:08:10,750
You don't need to throw it on the floor.
1170
01:08:10,833 --> 01:08:12,375
Gonna be three, four hours, tops.
1171
01:08:12,458 --> 01:08:15,583
Here, Kate. I don't know
why he threw 'em down. Here.
1172
01:08:15,666 --> 01:08:17,750
What if we have to go to the bathroom?
1173
01:08:17,833 --> 01:08:21,250
We'll lay out some newspaper for you.
Grab you a can of Febreze.
1174
01:08:21,333 --> 01:08:23,208
Short, sweet
and simple science.
1175
01:08:23,291 --> 01:08:24,958
I'll be back. All right. Come on.
1176
01:08:25,041 --> 01:08:27,083
Science tells the truth, Randall.
1177
01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:30,500
Fuck. Do you wanna come?
1178
01:08:30,583 --> 01:08:31,500
Yeah.
1179
01:08:33,625 --> 01:08:35,625
Ladies and gentlemen,
what we thought,
1180
01:08:35,708 --> 01:08:40,708
what the world thought
was an impending and terrifying danger,
1181
01:08:41,916 --> 01:08:44,625
turns out to be
an astonishing opportunity.
1182
01:08:44,708 --> 01:08:47,166
Our allies are very confused
and demanding answers...
1183
01:08:47,250 --> 01:08:48,541
Well, tell 'em to wait.
1184
01:08:49,583 --> 01:08:54,666
According to the most recent
spectrometer readings of Comet Dibiasky,
1185
01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:57,833
made by the astrogeologists
at BASH Cellular,
1186
01:08:59,583 --> 01:09:01,291
we've discovered something.
1187
01:09:02,250 --> 01:09:05,000
Something truly miraculous.
1188
01:09:06,458 --> 01:09:08,125
Peter. Peter?
1189
01:09:08,208 --> 01:09:10,000
Oh, thank you, Janie.
1190
01:09:12,208 --> 01:09:14,708
As... As some of you may know,
1191
01:09:14,791 --> 01:09:17,541
the most valuable minerals in the world
1192
01:09:17,625 --> 01:09:19,750
are fast becoming those that are deployed
1193
01:09:19,833 --> 01:09:24,000
in the manufacture
of cell phones and computers.
1194
01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:27,583
Yttrium, terbium, osmium, dysprosium,
on and on and on.
1195
01:09:27,666 --> 01:09:29,000
We're running short.
1196
01:09:29,083 --> 01:09:31,916
And the problem
is exacerbated, of course,
1197
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:37,916
because China has her big panda paw
firmly on almost all the mines
1198
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,500
that produce
these valuable rare Earth assets.
1199
01:09:41,583 --> 01:09:43,625
So you can imagine.
1200
01:09:44,750 --> 01:09:48,541
Just how happy we were at BASH
1201
01:09:48,625 --> 01:09:52,250
when our astrogeologists discovered
1202
01:09:52,333 --> 01:09:57,000
and then determined that this comet,
hurtling towards us from deep space,
1203
01:09:57,083 --> 01:10:02,833
actually contains at least $32 trillion
of these critical materials.
1204
01:10:02,916 --> 01:10:04,666
Critical to technology.
1205
01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:05,958
If we're to proceed...
1206
01:10:06,041 --> 01:10:08,541
I'm sorry. Is that why
you aborted this entire mission,
1207
01:10:08,625 --> 01:10:11,541
is because you're trying to mine
the comet for rare minerals?
1208
01:10:11,625 --> 01:10:13,708
I think
we should hold all questions
1209
01:10:13,791 --> 01:10:16,458
until the end of the presentation,
1210
01:10:16,541 --> 01:10:20,125
and you might find
that your questions are answered.
1211
01:10:20,666 --> 01:10:21,750
Yes, Madam President.
1212
01:10:21,833 --> 01:10:24,875
When you...
When the other metals are factored in,
1213
01:10:24,958 --> 01:10:27,333
the comet actually contains
1214
01:10:27,416 --> 01:10:31,541
almost $140 trillion worth of assets.
1215
01:10:31,625 --> 01:10:32,916
Buck-forty trilli.
1216
01:10:33,416 --> 01:10:35,291
Yeah...
1217
01:10:35,375 --> 01:10:40,000
What do these trillions of dollars
even matter if we're all gonna die...
1218
01:10:40,083 --> 01:10:42,458
I was about to ask
the same question, Janie.
1219
01:10:42,541 --> 01:10:43,666
Why weren't we consulted?
1220
01:10:43,750 --> 01:10:45,250
All due respect, Madam President...
1221
01:10:45,333 --> 01:10:47,833
Oh, no!
What if we're rich and we're safe?
1222
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:53,125
I've gone over it
again and again and again in my head
1223
01:10:54,875 --> 01:10:56,791
and I still can't make sense of it.
1224
01:10:58,750 --> 01:11:03,791
He's a three-star general.
He works at the Pentagon.
1225
01:11:05,916 --> 01:11:09,000
Why would he charge us for free snacks?
1226
01:11:09,083 --> 01:11:12,750
One time, I met Sting,
1227
01:11:13,708 --> 01:11:18,291
and I swear to God,
he farted right in front of me.
1228
01:11:19,333 --> 01:11:24,458
Didn't break eye contact
and didn't even say excuse me.
1229
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:31,083
And the thing is,
he actually pulled it off.
1230
01:11:32,375 --> 01:11:34,875
'Cause I still found him
to be quite charming.
1231
01:11:35,916 --> 01:11:40,333
Guys, we have to talk.
Come on, let's go. Come on, now.
1232
01:11:41,416 --> 01:11:44,625
It's insane. Like, completely insane.
1233
01:11:44,708 --> 01:11:46,041
It will never work.
1234
01:11:46,125 --> 01:11:48,291
I had the exact same reaction.
1235
01:11:48,375 --> 01:11:51,500
This is a nine-kilometer-wide
planet-killer we're talking about,
1236
01:11:51,583 --> 01:11:53,041
not roaming charges.
1237
01:11:53,125 --> 01:11:59,041
Look, I... I was confused and outraged
that they turned this mission around too,
1238
01:11:59,125 --> 01:12:01,708
but they've got
Gary Talcamont from Stanford
1239
01:12:01,791 --> 01:12:03,958
and Lisa Inez from Princeton
on their team.
1240
01:12:04,041 --> 01:12:07,750
I mean, this is next-generation
cutting-edge technology.
1241
01:12:07,833 --> 01:12:14,625
Obviously, one giant comet is a major
and existential threat to our planet,
1242
01:12:14,708 --> 01:12:20,000
but 30 smaller meteoroids, we can handle.
1243
01:12:20,916 --> 01:12:26,625
Our BEADS, that stands for
BASH Explore and Acquire Drones,
1244
01:12:26,708 --> 01:12:28,083
that you see here,
1245
01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,833
attach themselves to the comet
1246
01:12:30,916 --> 01:12:33,375
and scan it with nanotechnology
1247
01:12:33,458 --> 01:12:36,583
developed by
Nobel Prize-winning scientist,
1248
01:12:36,666 --> 01:12:37,666
Dr. Gary Talcamont.
1249
01:12:37,750 --> 01:12:40,500
And then we immediately deploy, don't we?
1250
01:12:40,583 --> 01:12:42,833
Nobel and Polonsky prize-winning scientist
1251
01:12:42,916 --> 01:12:48,250
Dr. Inez's micro-targeted,
quantum fission explosives.
1252
01:12:48,333 --> 01:12:51,625
You see, deep into the object...
1253
01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:54,458
Dr. Inez, would you like
to explain what's happening?
1254
01:12:54,541 --> 01:12:55,416
Thank you, Peter.
1255
01:12:55,500 --> 01:12:58,250
We've been developing
phase-fission reactions
1256
01:12:58,333 --> 01:13:00,375
in the CERN particle accelerator
1257
01:13:00,458 --> 01:13:03,125
that can splinter the comet
into smaller pieces
1258
01:13:03,208 --> 01:13:05,333
with breathtaking accuracy.
1259
01:13:05,416 --> 01:13:08,791
These segments are then steered
and decelerated by each BEAD
1260
01:13:08,875 --> 01:13:13,625
into the Pacific Ocean for reclamation
by waiting US Navy ships.
1261
01:13:13,708 --> 01:13:15,666
And when these... Thank you.
1262
01:13:15,750 --> 01:13:19,875
And when these treasures
from heaven are claimed,
1263
01:13:19,958 --> 01:13:23,916
poverty as we know it,
social injustice, loss of biodiversity,
1264
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:26,708
all these multitudes of problems
1265
01:13:26,791 --> 01:13:30,125
are just gonna become relics of the past
1266
01:13:30,208 --> 01:13:35,625
and humanity is gonna stride through
the Pillars of Boaz and Jachin naked
1267
01:13:35,708 --> 01:13:38,250
into the the glory of a golden age...
1268
01:13:38,333 --> 01:13:41,500
And is this nanotech work peer-reviewed?
1269
01:13:41,583 --> 01:13:45,166
Well, I haven't reviewed the data,
but it's been modeled.
1270
01:13:45,250 --> 01:13:47,125
Has any of this been peer-reviewed?
1271
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:48,833
Nope.
1272
01:13:48,916 --> 01:13:51,250
Interplanetary, interstellar,
1273
01:13:51,333 --> 01:13:56,125
intergalactic existence
for the human race.
1274
01:13:59,125 --> 01:14:00,916
Your mouth to God's ear.
1275
01:14:01,458 --> 01:14:05,041
I understand the wealth
that they can extract from this comet,
1276
01:14:05,125 --> 01:14:06,291
it can end world hunger.
1277
01:14:06,375 --> 01:14:08,166
Oh, I see.
1278
01:14:08,250 --> 01:14:10,833
1279
01:14:10,916 --> 01:14:15,333
So that's the pretty little bow they're
putting around this line of bullshit.
1280
01:14:15,416 --> 01:14:17,250
I bet they'll say freedom and puppies too.
1281
01:14:17,333 --> 01:14:18,166
1282
01:14:18,250 --> 01:14:21,916
You want me to quit the mission?
I'll quit the mission. That's fine.
1283
01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:25,708
But you have to understand,
this is now beyond our control.
1284
01:14:25,791 --> 01:14:27,208
They have all the power.
1285
01:14:27,291 --> 01:14:29,958
So who do you want
in the actual room to make sure
1286
01:14:30,041 --> 01:14:33,000
this whole thing doesn't turn out to be
a complete goddamn disaster?
1287
01:14:33,083 --> 01:14:35,708
Jason Orlean?
You want Jason Orlean in that room?
1288
01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:40,125
I have news for you.
It's already a complete disaster.
1289
01:14:40,208 --> 01:14:43,750
They're talking about letting
a comet the size of a mountain
1290
01:14:43,833 --> 01:14:46,625
hit the planet to jack up
a cell phone company's stock!
1291
01:14:46,708 --> 01:14:49,916
You better take that down
about four or five notches now.
1292
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:53,625
Were you yelling about that mission?
Why were you talking about cell phones?
1293
01:14:53,708 --> 01:14:56,750
My friend was just theorizing
as to what's going on.
1294
01:14:56,833 --> 01:14:58,291
We're confused too.
1295
01:14:58,375 --> 01:15:01,458
That's an awfully official-looking
White House badge you got there.
1296
01:15:01,541 --> 01:15:03,291
I don't know why I have this on.
1297
01:15:03,375 --> 01:15:05,125
Listen, just tell us what's going on.
1298
01:15:05,208 --> 01:15:07,625
I got three scared kids at home.
Just tell us something.
1299
01:15:07,708 --> 01:15:10,333
I understand.
I wish I could share information, but...
1300
01:15:10,416 --> 01:15:12,958
We're people just like you.
We deserve to know!
1301
01:15:13,041 --> 01:15:13,916
They're right.
1302
01:15:14,958 --> 01:15:16,083
They deserve to know.
1303
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:18,833
Do you really wanna know what's going on?
1304
01:15:18,916 --> 01:15:20,041
1305
01:15:20,125 --> 01:15:22,583
1306
01:15:23,541 --> 01:15:28,958
They found a bunch of gold and diamonds
and rare shit on the comet.
1307
01:15:29,958 --> 01:15:32,166
So they're gonna let it hit the planet
1308
01:15:32,250 --> 01:15:36,416
to make a bunch of rich people
even more disgustingly rich!
1309
01:15:42,916 --> 01:15:44,000
Fuck you!
1310
01:15:54,708 --> 01:15:56,500
No camera!
1311
01:15:56,583 --> 01:15:58,541
Everything I could, they won't listen.
1312
01:15:58,625 --> 01:15:59,958
Surprise, surprise.
1313
01:16:00,041 --> 01:16:02,916
Now, I'm starting to think
you just like riling people up.
1314
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:04,958
I'm so sorry, Kate. Really, I am.
1315
01:16:05,041 --> 01:16:07,041
Oh, Randall. God.
1316
01:16:07,875 --> 01:16:09,875
Where's Brie Evantee?
1317
01:16:09,958 --> 01:16:12,375
Shouldn't you two
be playing footsie in a restaurant
1318
01:16:12,458 --> 01:16:14,583
that only serves cubes and foam?
1319
01:16:14,666 --> 01:16:18,083
Well, she ain't wrong.
You did lose the thread in a big way.
1320
01:16:18,166 --> 01:16:21,375
And what do you suggest we do?
An online petition, huh?
1321
01:16:21,458 --> 01:16:24,416
You want to hold...
Get a mob and hold up picket signs?
1322
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:26,958
You wanna overthrow the government?
I mean, look at this.
1323
01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:28,875
I can't! My head is in a bag!
1324
01:16:28,958 --> 01:16:31,583
Sorry, Dr. Mindy.
White House wants her off the grid.
1325
01:16:31,666 --> 01:16:33,166
1326
01:16:33,250 --> 01:16:35,958
Wait. What does that mean?
What the hell does that mean?
1327
01:16:36,041 --> 01:16:38,416
1328
01:16:39,291 --> 01:16:42,416
Oh, gosh. Kate! Are you okay?
1329
01:16:45,541 --> 01:16:48,833
Teddy, come on!
What choice do I have here?
1330
01:16:51,166 --> 01:16:53,541
A man's always got choices, Randall!
1331
01:16:53,625 --> 01:16:56,458
Sometimes you just gotta
choose the good one!
1332
01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:04,708
Miss Katelyn Dibiasky,
1333
01:17:04,791 --> 01:17:08,208
the charges against you are
violation of national security secrets,
1334
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:11,083
inciting a riot,
and destruction of private property
1335
01:17:11,166 --> 01:17:13,666
owned by Bojo Mambo's Shrimp LLC.
1336
01:17:13,750 --> 01:17:14,583
What? I didn't...
1337
01:17:14,666 --> 01:17:17,583
However, the Attorney General
is willing to not pursue prosecution
1338
01:17:17,666 --> 01:17:19,208
if you will agree to the following.
1339
01:17:19,291 --> 01:17:21,958
The suspension
of all public media appearances
1340
01:17:22,041 --> 01:17:26,708
and incendiary language relating to
Comet Dibiasky and BASH Cellular.
1341
01:17:28,916 --> 01:17:32,333
Fine. Give it to me.
I don't give a shit anymore.
1342
01:17:47,875 --> 01:17:49,416
Mom. Dad.
1343
01:17:49,916 --> 01:17:52,166
I'm so glad to be home.
1344
01:17:54,875 --> 01:17:55,875
Unlock the door.
1345
01:17:55,958 --> 01:17:57,750
No politics. None.
1346
01:17:58,208 --> 01:17:59,583
What are you talking about?
1347
01:18:00,083 --> 01:18:02,791
Your dad and I are for the jobs
the comet will provide.
1348
01:18:05,708 --> 01:18:07,916
The divisions in this country
are bad enough.
1349
01:18:08,625 --> 01:18:10,458
We don't want more of that in our house.
1350
01:18:14,291 --> 01:18:16,125
1351
01:18:17,291 --> 01:18:19,333
I worry about my kids and their future.
1352
01:18:19,875 --> 01:18:22,500
Sure, the jobs
the comet's gonna create sound great.
1353
01:18:23,041 --> 01:18:24,291
What if it's not safe?
1354
01:18:24,875 --> 01:18:29,250
Right now, millions of you are having
these same doubts and questions
1355
01:18:29,333 --> 01:18:31,208
about the approaching comet.
1356
01:18:31,291 --> 01:18:32,708
That is why BASH Cellular
1357
01:18:32,791 --> 01:18:35,166
in conjunction with
the United States Government
1358
01:18:35,250 --> 01:18:40,041
is creating a new hotline, free of charge,
to answer all of your questions.
1359
01:18:40,750 --> 01:18:46,125
And who knows? Maybe,
just maybe, one of our scientists...
1360
01:18:46,208 --> 01:18:49,541
Thank you, Sharon.
Makes me feel so much better.
1361
01:18:49,625 --> 01:18:53,833
Can be that friend we all need
to lean on during uncertain times.
1362
01:18:55,208 --> 01:18:58,750
Call 1-800-532-4500 for peace of mind.
1363
01:18:58,833 --> 01:19:00,458
Offer only available to BASH customers.
1364
01:19:00,541 --> 01:19:02,916
Details of your call may be shared
with other subsidiaries
1365
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,916
to enhance your customer experience.
Data and roaming charges apply.
1366
01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:09,416
So, I thought he was the ambassador.
I was just flattering him.
1367
01:19:09,500 --> 01:19:13,541
Well, he was a waiter.
Now he's got an ego the size of Texas.
1368
01:19:16,916 --> 01:19:18,125
Oh, my God.
1369
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:22,875
June, what...
What are you doing here, sweetie?
1370
01:19:24,708 --> 01:19:27,458
Had a feeling
something was going on and just...
1371
01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:31,958
Well, you know,
we're discussing important business.
1372
01:19:32,041 --> 01:19:35,458
1373
01:19:35,541 --> 01:19:37,750
Oh, can we just
skip past this part, please?
1374
01:19:37,833 --> 01:19:39,500
Where you get to feel self-righteous
1375
01:19:39,583 --> 01:19:43,041
and we put our tails between our legs.
It is just so boring.
1376
01:19:43,125 --> 01:19:44,791
Oh, it's so boring?
1377
01:19:44,875 --> 01:19:49,291
You wanna skip the part where
you feel bad for screwing my husband?
1378
01:19:49,875 --> 01:19:52,583
No, I don't feel bad.
1379
01:19:52,666 --> 01:19:56,416
Randall and I are having a wonderful time.
So, I think the question is,
1380
01:19:56,500 --> 01:20:01,791
do we keep having a wonderful time
or does he go back with you to Wisconsin?
1381
01:20:01,875 --> 01:20:02,750
Or Montana.
1382
01:20:02,833 --> 01:20:04,875
1383
01:20:08,125 --> 01:20:12,500
You know... she is actually right.
1384
01:20:13,291 --> 01:20:16,333
That's the only question. So...
1385
01:20:18,958 --> 01:20:20,750
Well, June, sweetie...
1386
01:20:20,833 --> 01:20:23,875
Sometimes in life things are, you know,
1387
01:20:23,958 --> 01:20:26,458
they're complicated and they just...
1388
01:20:26,541 --> 01:20:27,666
Oh, okay.
1389
01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:31,666
Oh, that was fast...
1390
01:20:35,250 --> 01:20:38,375
Well, before I go...
1391
01:20:38,458 --> 01:20:41,375
let me just give you some instructions
1392
01:20:42,333 --> 01:20:45,458
on how to take care of Randall.
1393
01:20:47,125 --> 01:20:50,541
Yeah, here's the Xanax
he takes for his panic attacks.
1394
01:20:50,625 --> 01:20:51,458
Oh, gosh.
1395
01:20:51,541 --> 01:20:54,458
Here's the Zoloft he takes
for the crashing depressions.
1396
01:20:54,541 --> 01:20:58,250
1397
01:20:58,333 --> 01:21:02,000
This is for his blood pressure.
1398
01:21:02,083 --> 01:21:04,708
1399
01:21:06,708 --> 01:21:10,875
Appetite suppressant to counteract
the weight gain from his other meds.
1400
01:21:10,958 --> 01:21:15,875
And for America's sexiest scientist,
a bottle of goddamn Cialis!
1401
01:21:15,958 --> 01:21:17,375
Gosh.
1402
01:21:26,583 --> 01:21:28,041
Goodbye. Goodbye, Randall.
1403
01:21:28,125 --> 01:21:29,916
I guess I'll just tell your sons
1404
01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:32,375
that Dad's fucking
the lady on our television.
1405
01:21:33,416 --> 01:21:34,791
June, I...
1406
01:21:36,250 --> 01:21:38,458
I really thought for a second
that was gonna work out.
1407
01:21:40,333 --> 01:21:43,666
People, they wanna
manage the comet to create jobs.
1408
01:21:43,750 --> 01:21:45,791
Thirty-seven percent
don't want the comet to hit.
1409
01:21:45,875 --> 01:21:47,583
That's actually down by three points.
1410
01:21:47,666 --> 01:21:50,791
And 23%, they don't think
there's a comet at all,
1411
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:52,666
and that number is way up.
1412
01:21:53,500 --> 01:21:56,791
Not Bitcoin, RatCoin. RatCoin.
1413
01:21:59,583 --> 01:22:01,833
I'd like to buy these sunglasses.
1414
01:22:10,166 --> 01:22:12,458
You that girl from live TV
who said we're all gonna die?
1415
01:22:13,041 --> 01:22:14,958
No. What's your purchase?
1416
01:22:19,291 --> 01:22:20,250
What the fuck?
1417
01:22:20,333 --> 01:22:23,041
1418
01:22:23,125 --> 01:22:26,833
Holy shit. You're a stone-cold legend.
Word is bond.
1419
01:22:28,125 --> 01:22:29,583
I got a picture of you on my board.
1420
01:22:29,666 --> 01:22:31,041
Picture on his fucking board.
1421
01:22:31,125 --> 01:22:33,125
That's great. What's your purchase?
1422
01:22:33,208 --> 01:22:36,416
If you don't have one, get out of line
and make room for other customers.
1423
01:22:36,500 --> 01:22:38,791
Can I touch your hair in a non-sexual way?
1424
01:22:38,875 --> 01:22:41,541
1425
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:45,041
Call Diogo, he'll freak out.
Will you say hi to my friend?
1426
01:22:45,125 --> 01:22:47,750
Dude, he's obsessed with you.
We love you. We don't like...
1427
01:22:47,833 --> 01:22:49,250
Can't stand Orlean either.
1428
01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:54,583
What's up? Yo, check out...
1429
01:22:54,666 --> 01:22:57,083
Yo, shut the fuck up.
Check out who we're with.
1430
01:22:57,166 --> 01:22:59,833
1431
01:23:01,250 --> 01:23:03,958
I mean, we have a purchase,
but we don't have payment,
1432
01:23:04,041 --> 01:23:05,583
which is a metaphor on...
1433
01:23:07,208 --> 01:23:09,291
1434
01:23:09,375 --> 01:23:10,666
1435
01:23:10,750 --> 01:23:13,458
about your past relationship
with Kate Dibiasky.
1436
01:23:13,541 --> 01:23:15,958
Funny you should say that,
I'm working on that now.
1437
01:23:16,041 --> 01:23:18,583
It's gonna be called
A Brush With The Devil, and it's...
1438
01:23:18,666 --> 01:23:20,791
You calling security
or something, with your eyes?
1439
01:23:20,875 --> 01:23:22,125
No. You're free to go.
1440
01:23:22,208 --> 01:23:24,333
1441
01:23:25,625 --> 01:23:27,125
You don't give a shit, do you?
1442
01:23:28,958 --> 01:23:29,958
Sure, I do.
1443
01:23:30,041 --> 01:23:33,041
I care about DrinkMo's guarantee
of quality service.
1444
01:23:33,666 --> 01:23:35,500
Well, we don't give a shit either.
1445
01:23:35,583 --> 01:23:37,208
Not one single shit.
1446
01:23:37,291 --> 01:23:40,291
We hang and board behind the abandoned
Burger Crown from 7:00 to whenever.
1447
01:23:40,375 --> 01:23:41,208
Yeah, we do.
1448
01:23:41,291 --> 01:23:43,750
You should come hang.
If you're not a fucking pussy.
1449
01:23:46,666 --> 01:23:48,333
Oh, you know, it's me...
1450
01:23:48,416 --> 01:23:50,958
1451
01:23:51,958 --> 01:23:54,500
It's a joke. But also...
1452
01:24:06,541 --> 01:24:09,083
Okay, let me introduce you
1453
01:24:09,958 --> 01:24:16,333
to mankind's savior,
BASH Explore and Acquire Drone.
1454
01:24:16,416 --> 01:24:17,500
It's incredible.
1455
01:24:17,583 --> 01:24:19,125
It's incredible, isn't it?
1456
01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:22,833
I call this one Primo,
the first.
1457
01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:24,416
It's like my first child.
1458
01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:31,291
Primo, my boy.
It's your father, Cronos.
1459
01:24:31,375 --> 01:24:35,041
Don't be shy. Come on.
You're gonna be a god in the sky.
1460
01:24:41,416 --> 01:24:46,583
Are you at all concerned about
the sync on the BEAD explosions?
1461
01:24:46,666 --> 01:24:50,583
Oh, Doctor.
There are always questions and fears, and...
1462
01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:54,500
I have a report here from a Dr. Inez.
1463
01:24:54,583 --> 01:24:57,041
1464
01:24:57,125 --> 01:24:59,333
Listen, a lot of my colleagues,
1465
01:24:59,416 --> 01:25:01,875
they've either been removed
or resigned from this project,
1466
01:25:01,958 --> 01:25:06,083
apparently for asking too many questions
about this mission here.
1467
01:25:06,166 --> 01:25:08,750
So I just wanna make sure that you're...
1468
01:25:09,333 --> 01:25:11,875
That you're open
to the scientific peer-review process
1469
01:25:11,958 --> 01:25:14,583
and you're not approaching
this mission like a businessman.
1470
01:25:14,666 --> 01:25:16,416
1471
01:25:16,916 --> 01:25:20,208
1472
01:25:20,875 --> 01:25:23,916
1473
01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:27,791
Do you think you know me, Doctor?
1474
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:30,291
Business?
1475
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:35,125
This is evolution.
This is evolution of the human species.
1476
01:25:36,125 --> 01:25:38,125
1477
01:25:38,208 --> 01:25:41,375
You know that BASH has
over 40 million data points on you,
1478
01:25:41,458 --> 01:25:45,458
on every decision you have made
since 1994, Doctor?
1479
01:25:45,541 --> 01:25:50,041
I... I know when you have colon polyps
1480
01:25:50,125 --> 01:25:51,833
months before your doctor does.
1481
01:25:51,916 --> 01:25:53,750
You got four or five
at the moment actually.
1482
01:25:53,833 --> 01:25:57,375
You know, they're not of concern,
but I'd have a checkup as soon as you can.
1483
01:25:57,458 --> 01:26:01,916
But much more importantly than that,
I know what you are. I know who you are.
1484
01:26:02,000 --> 01:26:07,000
My algorithms have determined
eight fundamental consumer profile types.
1485
01:26:07,083 --> 01:26:10,791
You are a lifestyle idealist.
1486
01:26:10,875 --> 01:26:15,125
You think you're motivated
by beliefs, high ethical beliefs.
1487
01:26:15,208 --> 01:26:20,125
But you just run towards pleasure
and away from pain.
1488
01:26:22,375 --> 01:26:25,000
Like a... Like a field mouse.
1489
01:26:27,125 --> 01:26:28,500
I'm just trying to...
1490
01:26:29,916 --> 01:26:32,875
I just wanna make sure
that the science is sound on this project.
1491
01:26:32,958 --> 01:26:34,041
I hope you understand...
1492
01:26:34,125 --> 01:26:38,250
Our algorithms
can even predict how you'll die.
1493
01:26:39,125 --> 01:26:44,375
To 96... 96.5% accuracy.
1494
01:26:44,458 --> 01:26:46,333
I looked you up after we met.
1495
01:26:47,541 --> 01:26:52,000
Your death was so unremarkable and boring.
1496
01:26:52,666 --> 01:26:56,750
I can't remember the details,
apart from one thing.
1497
01:26:59,000 --> 01:27:00,750
You're gonna die alone.
1498
01:27:03,750 --> 01:27:04,791
Alone.
1499
01:27:05,291 --> 01:27:09,958
If you'll excuse me, Madam President.
I've got some work to do.
1500
01:27:10,041 --> 01:27:11,708
What the hell are you doing?
1501
01:27:11,791 --> 01:27:14,333
1502
01:27:14,416 --> 01:27:17,708
You are just so lucky
that Peter adores you.
1503
01:27:25,083 --> 01:27:27,375
You're with the grown-ups now, Randall.
1504
01:27:27,458 --> 01:27:29,083
I can't even follow this shit anymore!
1505
01:27:35,166 --> 01:27:40,375
BASH got Orlean to pay
the Chilean government, if I'm correct,
1506
01:27:40,458 --> 01:27:44,583
$90 billion to let the tsunami
hit off the coast of the country.
1507
01:27:44,666 --> 01:27:45,666
That sound right to you?
1508
01:27:45,750 --> 01:27:47,666
Isherwell built
an underground bunker
1509
01:27:47,750 --> 01:27:49,333
for him and all his executives.
1510
01:27:49,416 --> 01:27:51,791
No, I heard that
they built an escape ship.
1511
01:27:51,875 --> 01:27:55,250
You guys,
the truth is way more depressing.
1512
01:27:56,291 --> 01:28:00,208
They're not even smart enough to be
as evil as you're giving them credit for.
1513
01:28:06,916 --> 01:28:08,541
1514
01:28:12,916 --> 01:28:16,125
Fuck! You're driving me fucking
crazy, Kate.
1515
01:28:16,208 --> 01:28:17,833
Fuck it. We're all gonna die.
1516
01:28:35,333 --> 01:28:36,750
Movie will be released
1517
01:28:36,833 --> 01:28:40,166
the day that some believe
Comet Dibiasky will impact the planet.
1518
01:28:40,250 --> 01:28:42,750
And the early word is
it's already a classic, Brie.
1519
01:28:42,833 --> 01:28:45,500
Oh, yes.
Well, and what a stellar cast.
1520
01:28:45,583 --> 01:28:48,041
1521
01:28:48,125 --> 01:28:49,625
He's great. Everything he does.
1522
01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:52,708
1523
01:28:52,791 --> 01:28:56,208
It cost $300 million to make.
1524
01:28:56,291 --> 01:28:59,333
1525
01:28:59,416 --> 01:29:01,791
Tell me about it.
And my friend Farley, he saw it.
1526
01:29:01,875 --> 01:29:04,625
1527
01:29:04,708 --> 01:29:07,250
All right, well, what Farley says goes.
1528
01:29:07,333 --> 01:29:08,583
But first,
1529
01:29:09,416 --> 01:29:12,458
and yes, you can tell from my smile...
1530
01:29:12,541 --> 01:29:13,833
Stop it.
1531
01:29:13,916 --> 01:29:18,916
That America's sexiest scientist is here.
Dr. Randall. Welcome.
1532
01:29:19,666 --> 01:29:21,375
Dr. Randall, how are you, sir?
1533
01:29:21,458 --> 01:29:24,208
I'm... I'm good.
I'm gooder than good.
1534
01:29:25,666 --> 01:29:30,833
All right. So, Randall, we're hearing
that there is no comet,
1535
01:29:30,916 --> 01:29:34,375
or that there is a comet but it's
a good thing or maybe it's a bad thing.
1536
01:29:34,458 --> 01:29:36,750
We are so confused.
1537
01:29:36,833 --> 01:29:41,166
So, could you please help us out here,
you know, oh, wise scientist?
1538
01:29:42,541 --> 01:29:45,416
Well, first and foremost, Brie...
1539
01:29:45,500 --> 01:29:47,833
there most certainly
is a comet.
1540
01:29:47,916 --> 01:29:48,791
All right.
1541
01:29:48,875 --> 01:29:52,125
And we know that there is a comet
because we have the data.
1542
01:29:54,500 --> 01:29:58,666
There has been growing concern within
the scientific community as of late.
1543
01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,875
You see, the peer-review process
is absolutely essential...
1544
01:30:02,958 --> 01:30:05,583
1545
01:30:05,666 --> 01:30:07,333
If BASH's stock is any indicator,
1546
01:30:07,416 --> 01:30:09,333
we don't have to worry
about the peer review.
1547
01:30:09,416 --> 01:30:10,583
It is going gangbusters.
1548
01:30:10,666 --> 01:30:13,125
And full disclosure.
I bought as many shares as I could.
1549
01:30:13,208 --> 01:30:14,500
I advise you to do the same.
1550
01:30:14,583 --> 01:30:16,333
You are such a shameless capitalist.
1551
01:30:16,416 --> 01:30:19,458
Said the woman who will be
in the brand-new hot tub on my back deck
1552
01:30:19,541 --> 01:30:22,083
1553
01:30:22,166 --> 01:30:23,208
That's right.
1554
01:30:23,291 --> 01:30:25,875
Dr. Randall, you sure you're okay?
You want a glass of water...
1555
01:30:25,958 --> 01:30:27,166
I don't feel so good.
1556
01:30:27,250 --> 01:30:29,625
So I think we'll go
to commercial break...
1557
01:30:29,708 --> 01:30:33,291
No, Please, Brie. Don't cut away.
Let me say something.
1558
01:30:33,375 --> 01:30:34,916
1559
01:30:35,000 --> 01:30:36,375
We like to say things.
1560
01:30:36,458 --> 01:30:40,416
Would you please
just stop being so pleasant?
1561
01:30:41,833 --> 01:30:44,791
I'm sorry, but not everything
needs to sound so goddamn clever
1562
01:30:44,875 --> 01:30:47,083
or charming or likeable all the time.
1563
01:30:47,166 --> 01:30:50,583
Sometimes we need to just be able
to say things to one another.
1564
01:30:50,666 --> 01:30:52,083
We need to hear things.
1565
01:30:53,833 --> 01:30:57,125
Look, let's establish, once again,
1566
01:30:57,791 --> 01:31:01,916
that there is a huge comet
headed towards Earth.
1567
01:31:02,666 --> 01:31:05,291
And the reason we know
that there is a comet
1568
01:31:05,375 --> 01:31:06,833
is because we saw it.
1569
01:31:06,916 --> 01:31:10,208
We saw it with our own eyes
using a telescope.
1570
01:31:10,291 --> 01:31:13,500
I mean, for God's sake,
we took a fucking picture of it!
1571
01:31:13,583 --> 01:31:15,291
What other proof do we need?
1572
01:31:15,791 --> 01:31:18,375
And if we can't all agree
at the bare minimum
1573
01:31:18,458 --> 01:31:22,875
that a giant comet
the size of Mount Everest
1574
01:31:22,958 --> 01:31:29,041
hurtling its way towards planet Earth
is not a fucking good thing,
1575
01:31:29,833 --> 01:31:32,125
then what the hell happened to us?
1576
01:31:33,000 --> 01:31:37,333
I mean, my God, how do...
How do we even talk to each other?
1577
01:31:37,416 --> 01:31:41,208
What've we... What've we done to ourselves?
How do we fix it?
1578
01:31:41,291 --> 01:31:44,791
We should have deflected this comet
when we had the fucking chance,
1579
01:31:44,875 --> 01:31:48,083
but we didn't do it.
I don't know why we didn't do it.
1580
01:31:48,166 --> 01:31:51,958
And now they're
actually firing scientists like me
1581
01:31:52,041 --> 01:31:54,666
for speaking out, for opposing them.
1582
01:31:55,416 --> 01:31:57,875
And I'm sure many of the people out there
1583
01:31:57,958 --> 01:31:59,958
aren't even
gonna listen to what I just said
1584
01:32:00,041 --> 01:32:02,833
'cause they have
their own political ideology,
1585
01:32:03,500 --> 01:32:05,916
but I... assure you,
1586
01:32:06,583 --> 01:32:08,583
I am not on one side or the other.
1587
01:32:08,666 --> 01:32:10,916
I'm just telling you the fucking truth.
1588
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:12,625
This would be a good time to establish
1589
01:32:12,708 --> 01:32:15,250
that Isherwell and the president
have both said
1590
01:32:15,333 --> 01:32:16,958
that there's benefits to be...
1591
01:32:17,041 --> 01:32:21,750
Right, well, the president
of the United States is fucking lying!
1592
01:32:23,125 --> 01:32:24,708
Look, I'm just like all of you.
1593
01:32:24,791 --> 01:32:29,833
I hope to God, I hope to God that
this president knows what she's doing.
1594
01:32:29,916 --> 01:32:33,750
I hope she's got us all taken care of,
but the truth is,
1595
01:32:33,833 --> 01:32:36,875
I think this whole administration
1596
01:32:36,958 --> 01:32:41,500
has completely lost their fucking mind!
1597
01:32:41,583 --> 01:32:45,125
And I think we're all gonna die!
1598
01:32:49,291 --> 01:32:51,125
Look, I just wanna go home.
1599
01:32:51,791 --> 01:32:54,125
I just wanna go home.
1600
01:32:54,208 --> 01:32:56,125
I just wanna go home more than anything.
1601
01:33:00,875 --> 01:33:02,583
But if there is one thing,
1602
01:33:03,208 --> 01:33:05,291
one thing that I pray...
1603
01:33:05,375 --> 01:33:09,833
that I pray that all of you hear
from what I have just said,
1604
01:33:10,625 --> 01:33:13,583
is that all of us, all of us...
1605
01:33:22,083 --> 01:33:23,625
Why'd you do that?
1606
01:33:24,750 --> 01:33:28,250
I really liked you
and I despise most people.
1607
01:33:29,791 --> 01:33:33,000
You know, I...
I really thought I loved you.
1608
01:33:35,791 --> 01:33:36,958
Really?
1609
01:33:40,375 --> 01:33:41,833
That's wild.
1610
01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:44,625
Yeah.
1611
01:33:44,708 --> 01:33:47,416
Ma'am, you need to go.
We gotta get this man off the grid.
1612
01:33:49,500 --> 01:33:50,708
You still there?
1613
01:33:53,750 --> 01:33:54,791
No.
1614
01:33:57,291 --> 01:34:01,041
Well, maybe he just gets off
on the power, you know,
1615
01:34:01,125 --> 01:34:02,791
like any kind of power.
1616
01:34:02,875 --> 01:34:07,750
It's like he knew eventually that I was
gonna find out that the snacks were free.
1617
01:34:07,833 --> 01:34:09,291
1618
01:34:09,375 --> 01:34:11,833
1619
01:34:12,541 --> 01:34:13,625
Yeah, guys are weird.
1620
01:34:16,250 --> 01:34:20,000
I'm starting to think that all this
end of the world stuff is bullshit.
1621
01:34:21,625 --> 01:34:22,833
It's not.
1622
01:34:22,916 --> 01:34:26,833
It's definitely happening. I've seen it.
1623
01:34:27,416 --> 01:34:31,041
I feel like if God wanted to destroy
the Earth, He would destroy the Earth.
1624
01:34:33,333 --> 01:34:34,583
You believe in God?
1625
01:34:36,541 --> 01:34:39,166
Yeah, I mean,
my parents raised me Evangelical,
1626
01:34:39,250 --> 01:34:41,583
and I hate them,
but I found my own way to it.
1627
01:34:41,666 --> 01:34:42,916
My own relationship.
1628
01:34:46,416 --> 01:34:48,708
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't advertise it though.
1629
01:34:52,041 --> 01:34:55,166
I won't tell anybody.
I think it's kind of sweet.
1630
01:34:58,750 --> 01:35:01,333
1631
01:35:02,458 --> 01:35:05,458
Can you not say why not?
It makes me feel like you don't want it.
1632
01:35:06,458 --> 01:35:07,458
It's shitty.
1633
01:35:09,541 --> 01:35:12,166
1634
01:35:42,708 --> 01:35:44,833
1635
01:35:44,916 --> 01:35:47,166
1636
01:35:48,833 --> 01:35:51,916
1637
01:35:52,000 --> 01:35:54,916
That's Venus. That's the North Star.
1638
01:35:55,500 --> 01:35:57,958
1639
01:36:06,458 --> 01:36:07,708
What the hell?
1640
01:36:10,500 --> 01:36:11,500
What?
1641
01:36:13,750 --> 01:36:14,583
Come on.
1642
01:36:22,208 --> 01:36:23,208
There it is.
1643
01:36:25,958 --> 01:36:27,125
There you are.
1644
01:36:30,166 --> 01:36:31,166
There you are.
1645
01:36:32,083 --> 01:36:34,250
Is anyone else seeing this?
That's it.
1646
01:36:35,041 --> 01:36:38,833
That's it. That's the comet.
Look! It's right there.
1647
01:37:16,333 --> 01:37:19,291
1648
01:37:23,791 --> 01:37:25,625
1649
01:37:25,708 --> 01:37:27,875
Doc, you can see it.
1650
01:37:27,958 --> 01:37:32,166
I... I'm looking at it right now too.
It's unbelievable. It's...
1651
01:37:32,666 --> 01:37:36,250
It's horrific and it's...
and it's beautiful at the same time.
1652
01:37:36,333 --> 01:37:38,041
Oh, my God.
1653
01:37:43,208 --> 01:37:45,125
We've been trying to tell you.
1654
01:37:45,750 --> 01:37:49,041
We tried to tell you this whole time.
It's right there. It's...
1655
01:37:49,875 --> 01:37:51,458
It's right there, Kate.
1656
01:37:54,291 --> 01:37:55,375
Where are you?
1657
01:37:55,458 --> 01:37:56,875
I'm in Lansing, Michigan
1658
01:37:56,958 --> 01:38:00,125
trying to fix things with June,
but she won't talk to me.
1659
01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:02,083
1660
01:38:03,041 --> 01:38:04,166
I...
1661
01:38:04,250 --> 01:38:06,291
I'm gonna come find you, okay?
1662
01:38:07,375 --> 01:38:10,708
Well, I'm in Illinois.
I could be ready by tomorrow.
1663
01:38:12,083 --> 01:38:13,375
1664
01:38:13,458 --> 01:38:16,000
As a sinner I come to You
for Your grace and guidance...
1665
01:38:16,083 --> 01:38:18,125
They're finally seeing it.
1666
01:38:18,708 --> 01:38:20,250
They're finally seeing it.
1667
01:38:26,083 --> 01:38:27,583
There it is!
1668
01:38:41,625 --> 01:38:45,208
Go outside into your yard,
onto a roof, onto your sidewalk,
1669
01:38:45,291 --> 01:38:46,708
and just look up into the sky.
1670
01:38:46,791 --> 01:38:50,125
The star's gonna appear fuzzy.
It's got a long streak coming off of it.
1671
01:38:50,208 --> 01:38:51,708
That's the comet's tail.
1672
01:38:51,791 --> 01:38:53,375
It's real and it's coming.
1673
01:38:53,458 --> 01:38:56,041
If anyone tells you any different,
they're full of shit.
1674
01:38:56,125 --> 01:38:57,625
Just look up into the sky.
1675
01:38:57,708 --> 01:38:59,166
It's a fucking fact.
1676
01:38:59,250 --> 01:39:00,708
1677
01:39:00,791 --> 01:39:04,416
Guys, please just look up, okay?
Screw the manatees and just look up.
1678
01:39:04,500 --> 01:39:05,458
Just look up.
1679
01:39:05,541 --> 01:39:07,625
1680
01:39:07,708 --> 01:39:08,708
Just look up!
1681
01:39:08,791 --> 01:39:13,083
Dr. Mindy, the president's
plan to save Earth
1682
01:39:13,166 --> 01:39:18,125
and make it so we can all have a home
is going to work, right?
1683
01:39:18,208 --> 01:39:22,250
Every single man, woman and child
on this planet is going to die.
1684
01:39:22,333 --> 01:39:25,541
1685
01:39:25,625 --> 01:39:27,625
1686
01:39:27,708 --> 01:39:30,875
You tell your parents
that President Orlean and Isherwell
1687
01:39:30,958 --> 01:39:32,625
are sociopaths and fascists!
1688
01:39:39,791 --> 01:39:42,708
And do you know why
they want you to look up?
1689
01:39:43,666 --> 01:39:45,416
Do you know why?
1690
01:39:45,500 --> 01:39:48,041
'Cause they want you to be afraid.
1691
01:39:49,500 --> 01:39:51,958
They want you to look up
1692
01:39:52,041 --> 01:39:54,708
because they are
looking down their noses at you.
1693
01:39:56,041 --> 01:39:57,916
They think they're better than you.
1694
01:39:58,000 --> 01:40:00,500
Don't look up!
1695
01:40:00,583 --> 01:40:02,833
They wanna rob you of your freedom,
and that's a fact!
1696
01:40:02,916 --> 01:40:05,000
Don't look up!
1697
01:40:05,083 --> 01:40:06,833
The US president, Orlean...
1698
01:40:06,916 --> 01:40:09,250
Just look up!
1699
01:40:09,333 --> 01:40:12,625
Has not included India
or any other nation in the world
1700
01:40:12,708 --> 01:40:14,041
to be a part of this mission.
1701
01:40:14,750 --> 01:40:17,375
This dude is a known pornographer
named Kip...
1702
01:40:17,458 --> 01:40:18,708
Don't listen to that dumbfuck.
1703
01:40:18,791 --> 01:40:24,791
The United Nations have been
considering its own deflective mission.
1704
01:40:24,875 --> 01:40:27,125
Just look up, for fuck's sake!
1705
01:40:27,208 --> 01:40:30,958
Now I know a lot of Hollywood
is supporting the Just Look Up movement,
1706
01:40:31,041 --> 01:40:32,875
but I haven't seen a pin like that.
1707
01:40:32,958 --> 01:40:37,708
Yeah, this pin points both up and down.
1708
01:40:38,291 --> 01:40:42,916
Because I think, as a country,
we need to stop arguing
1709
01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:45,500
and virtue signaling. Just get along.
1710
01:40:46,125 --> 01:40:48,500
That is so refreshing.
1711
01:40:48,583 --> 01:40:51,208
I think
we're all tired of the politics.
1712
01:40:51,291 --> 01:40:53,458
Yeah, yeah. Well...
1713
01:40:54,458 --> 01:40:56,083
That's why we made Total Devastation.
1714
01:40:56,166 --> 01:40:58,291
It's for everyone. You know?
It's a popcorn movie.
1715
01:40:58,375 --> 01:41:02,083
You keep your eye on the road ahead,
you put your head down.
1716
01:41:02,166 --> 01:41:04,583
And you put
one foot in front of the other,
1717
01:41:04,666 --> 01:41:05,708
step by step.
1718
01:41:07,000 --> 01:41:08,083
Day by day.
1719
01:41:08,166 --> 01:41:11,375
1720
01:41:17,458 --> 01:41:20,500
So we wanna say something loud and clear.
1721
01:41:20,583 --> 01:41:24,208
There is no safe way
to bring this comet back to Earth
1722
01:41:24,291 --> 01:41:27,000
and exploit it for profit.
It cannot be done!
1723
01:41:27,583 --> 01:41:31,458
Nations of the world,
defy Orlean and BASH!
1724
01:41:31,541 --> 01:41:36,083
Launch your own nuclear deflection mission
now and save this planet!
1725
01:41:37,541 --> 01:41:43,375
And now, there's Riley Bina
with her special guest.
1726
01:41:43,458 --> 01:41:45,708
I forgot the name. Thank you.
1727
01:42:02,125 --> 01:42:08,416
<i>We knew no bounds
fell at the speed of sound</i>
1728
01:42:08,500 --> 01:42:14,416
<i>Riding against all odds but soon
against ourselves</i>
1729
01:42:16,375 --> 01:42:20,333
<i>You haunted every memory</i>
1730
01:42:20,416 --> 01:42:24,125
<i>With no goodbyes out there for me</i>
1731
01:42:24,208 --> 01:42:30,208
<i>Your pride put out the fire
in our flame</i>
1732
01:42:31,250 --> 01:42:34,750
<i>Then just one look is all it takes</i>
1733
01:42:34,833 --> 01:42:40,458
<i>I feel your eyes,
they're locked on every part of me</i>
1734
01:42:40,541 --> 01:42:45,291
<i>And then my dumb heart says</i>
1735
01:42:45,375 --> 01:42:49,458
<i>Just look up</i>
1736
01:42:49,541 --> 01:42:53,166
<i>There is no place to hide</i>
1737
01:42:53,250 --> 01:42:55,083
<i>True love doesn't die</i>
1738
01:42:55,166 --> 01:42:59,916
<i>It holds on tight
and never lets you go...</i>
1739
01:43:00,000 --> 01:43:03,666
Is that a rock-solid ten smokeshow
of a president or what?
1740
01:43:04,750 --> 01:43:06,583
If she wasn't my mother...
1741
01:43:08,291 --> 01:43:10,041
There's three types of American people.
1742
01:43:11,000 --> 01:43:13,166
There are you, the working class.
1743
01:43:13,250 --> 01:43:17,083
Us, the cool rich, and then them.
1744
01:43:19,583 --> 01:43:21,625
I'm sorry, but we need them.
1745
01:43:22,166 --> 01:43:26,291
We need them because
you build us up to fight them.
1746
01:43:26,375 --> 01:43:28,541
The working class, the lower.
1747
01:43:28,625 --> 01:43:30,750
1748
01:43:30,833 --> 01:43:33,041
Do you understand? I'm talking about...
1749
01:43:33,125 --> 01:43:35,000
I'm talking about nutritionists.
1750
01:43:35,541 --> 01:43:37,666
I'm talking about personal trainers,
1751
01:43:38,500 --> 01:43:40,125
people at the spa,
1752
01:43:40,208 --> 01:43:43,125
but not the ones that check you in
and they're not the masseuses,
1753
01:43:43,208 --> 01:43:45,750
but they walk you down the corridor.
1754
01:43:45,833 --> 01:43:46,750
They're there...
1755
01:43:46,833 --> 01:43:49,333
<i>Know I let you down,
a nigga can't deny it</i>
1756
01:43:50,541 --> 01:43:53,166
<i>And there's so much that we're losin',
yes, that matters</i>
1757
01:43:53,250 --> 01:43:56,541
<i>I've been dealin' with madness,
wasn't the man you needed</i>
1758
01:43:57,250 --> 01:44:00,500
<i>You dealin' with sadness,
truthfully, it's all on me...</i>
1759
01:44:01,291 --> 01:44:04,083
1760
01:44:04,166 --> 01:44:05,833
Divest from BASH when?
1761
01:44:07,791 --> 01:44:08,875
<i>Time is oh so precious...</i>
1762
01:44:08,958 --> 01:44:10,541
We will not be quiet!
1763
01:44:11,583 --> 01:44:14,958
<i>Take my hand, baby,
I'll never leave you, Riley</i>
1764
01:44:15,041 --> 01:44:19,375
<i>Though what he's really trying to say</i>
1765
01:44:19,458 --> 01:44:23,083
<i>Is get your head out of your ass</i>
1766
01:44:23,166 --> 01:44:29,916
<i>Listen to the goddamn
qualified scientists</i>
1767
01:44:30,000 --> 01:44:33,416
<i>We really fucked it up,
fucked it up this time</i>
1768
01:44:33,500 --> 01:44:37,333
<i>It's so close,
I can feel the heat big-time</i>
1769
01:44:37,416 --> 01:44:41,000
<i>And you can act
like everything is all right</i>
1770
01:44:41,083 --> 01:44:44,791
<i>But this is probably
happening in real time</i>
1771
01:44:44,875 --> 01:44:47,791
<i>Celebrate or cry or pray</i>
1772
01:44:47,875 --> 01:44:53,166
<i>Whatever it takes
to get you through the mess that we made</i>
1773
01:44:53,250 --> 01:44:58,208
<i>'Cause tomorrow may never come</i>
1774
01:44:58,291 --> 01:45:02,625
<i>Just look up</i>
1775
01:45:02,708 --> 01:45:06,291
<i>Turn off the shitbox news</i>
1776
01:45:06,375 --> 01:45:09,333
<i>'Cause you're about to die soon,
everybody</i>
1777
01:45:13,291 --> 01:45:15,000
<i>Look up...</i>
1778
01:45:20,541 --> 01:45:23,833
Hey, good afternoon, Adam.
What do I owe the pleasure of this call?
1779
01:45:30,041 --> 01:45:31,041
What time?
1780
01:45:38,791 --> 01:45:41,708
Well... Well, thank you for calling.
1781
01:45:44,125 --> 01:45:45,125
Yeah.
1782
01:46:01,583 --> 01:46:02,541
What?
1783
01:46:05,958 --> 01:46:06,958
What?
1784
01:46:09,916 --> 01:46:14,708
Orlean and BASH
cut Russia, India, and China
1785
01:46:15,958 --> 01:46:17,375
out of the rights for the minerals.
1786
01:46:17,458 --> 01:46:20,916
So they tried their own
joint deflection mission,
1787
01:46:21,000 --> 01:46:25,708
but... approximately 40 minutes ago,
1788
01:46:26,583 --> 01:46:33,000
there was a massive explosion detected
at the Russian's Baikonur launch complex.
1789
01:46:35,458 --> 01:46:37,666
So it looks like the mission failed.
1790
01:46:42,791 --> 01:46:44,000
That's it?
1791
01:46:47,083 --> 01:46:48,666
What do you mean, that's it?
1792
01:46:52,083 --> 01:46:53,125
Teddy?
1793
01:46:56,458 --> 01:46:57,333
Right?
1794
01:47:03,166 --> 01:47:07,000
There is still the BASH mission.
It's all we have now.
1795
01:47:14,083 --> 01:47:15,083
Fuck!
1796
01:47:27,291 --> 01:47:30,083
These Just Look Uppers
1797
01:47:30,166 --> 01:47:35,833
want millions of illegal Chileans
to come across the border.
1798
01:47:36,875 --> 01:47:40,291
Don't look up.
1799
01:47:44,541 --> 01:47:46,291
The hell is that?
1800
01:47:52,416 --> 01:47:54,583
Fucking lied to us.
1801
01:47:56,125 --> 01:47:59,041
The president just texted me.
1802
01:47:59,125 --> 01:48:02,583
Don't trip. It's all good. Don't trip.
1803
01:48:05,000 --> 01:48:06,000
Hey, now.
1804
01:48:06,583 --> 01:48:09,250
You cut my face, you fucking rednecks!
1805
01:48:22,041 --> 01:48:24,375
Man, there hasn't been
a car in, like, an hour.
1806
01:48:25,875 --> 01:48:28,541
Yep.
Everyone's watching the BASH launch.
1807
01:48:31,041 --> 01:48:32,333
What are we doing again?
1808
01:48:35,000 --> 01:48:39,416
I told you. We're...
We're gonna go buy some groceries.
1809
01:48:48,041 --> 01:48:53,250
The Mills Brothers. Great band.
You know, Duke Ellington found this band.
1810
01:48:55,958 --> 01:49:00,000
I think they were originally called
the Four Kings of Harmony.
1811
01:49:01,541 --> 01:49:05,666
<i>We'll call on each memory
till then...</i>
1812
01:49:05,750 --> 01:49:08,208
Till Then, this is the song.
It's about...
1813
01:49:09,208 --> 01:49:11,458
It's about soldiers
going off to World War II
1814
01:49:11,541 --> 01:49:13,375
and thinking about home.
1815
01:49:16,625 --> 01:49:17,708
Listen to this part.
1816
01:49:17,791 --> 01:49:20,958
<i>Although there are oceans...</i>
1817
01:49:21,041 --> 01:49:27,041
Although there are oceans we must cross
and mountains that we must climb...
1818
01:49:28,541 --> 01:49:31,541
<i>I know every gain...</i>
1819
01:49:31,625 --> 01:49:34,708
I know that every gain must have a loss.
1820
01:49:34,791 --> 01:49:36,625
<i>So pray that our loss...</i>
1821
01:49:36,708 --> 01:49:40,708
So pray that our loss
is nothing but time.
1822
01:49:40,791 --> 01:49:46,458
<i>Till then, let's dream
of what there will be</i>
1823
01:49:46,541 --> 01:49:49,083
1824
01:49:51,666 --> 01:49:53,666
Dr. Mindy, can I be vulnerable
in your car?
1825
01:49:53,750 --> 01:49:55,125
Yeah, go ahead.
1826
01:49:57,083 --> 01:49:58,875
I've never met anyone like you
1827
01:49:58,958 --> 01:50:01,166
and I feel a connection to you
on a level that...
1828
01:50:04,333 --> 01:50:06,250
I don't know,
I haven't felt with anyone else,
1829
01:50:06,333 --> 01:50:08,375
and going out on a limb,
1830
01:50:08,458 --> 01:50:10,458
but would you want to spend
more time together?
1831
01:50:10,541 --> 01:50:14,958
Maybe even get engaged or something?
1832
01:50:16,166 --> 01:50:18,000
Are you laughing?
1833
01:50:18,875 --> 01:50:20,125
1834
01:50:21,541 --> 01:50:23,541
1835
01:50:23,625 --> 01:50:26,875
1836
01:50:37,291 --> 01:50:41,791
And you read
the tea leaves for Dr. Mindy.
1837
01:50:41,875 --> 01:50:43,875
1838
01:50:43,958 --> 01:50:46,041
You really shook him
with that information.
1839
01:50:46,125 --> 01:50:48,916
1840
01:50:49,625 --> 01:50:51,916
It got me so excited
to know about my own death.
1841
01:50:54,583 --> 01:50:57,208
I don't think I wanna know.
Yes, I do. I wanna to know.
1842
01:50:57,291 --> 01:51:01,541
You're gonna be eaten by a Bronteroc.
We don't know what it means.
1843
01:51:01,625 --> 01:51:03,583
1844
01:51:05,208 --> 01:51:07,708
Okay, people, we have clear skies.
1845
01:51:09,541 --> 01:51:12,750
And we are a go for the BEAD launch.
1846
01:51:12,833 --> 01:51:13,958
Madam President?
1847
01:51:14,041 --> 01:51:18,583
Citizens of planet Earth. Now...
1848
01:51:19,541 --> 01:51:23,250
Look at this, Kate. They have wild salmon.
1849
01:51:23,333 --> 01:51:26,416
Look at the difference between that
and the farm-raised stuff.
1850
01:51:26,500 --> 01:51:29,708
You see how that looks just...
I don't know. Looks fake, right?
1851
01:51:30,833 --> 01:51:33,375
Hey, why don't you go find some...
1852
01:51:33,458 --> 01:51:35,958
What are the little potatoes called,
the tiny ones?
1853
01:51:36,041 --> 01:51:37,166
1854
01:51:37,250 --> 01:51:39,750
1855
01:51:39,833 --> 01:51:41,333
Do you wanna say something too?
1856
01:51:41,416 --> 01:51:42,708
That was beautiful. Yeah.
1857
01:51:43,666 --> 01:51:47,791
What up, world? Jason Orlean,
Chief of Staff, United States.
1858
01:51:49,875 --> 01:51:53,458
I've been noticing a lot of prayers
recently for people during this time
1859
01:51:54,291 --> 01:51:55,750
and I commend that,
1860
01:51:55,833 --> 01:52:02,125
but I also wanna give a prayer for stuff.
1861
01:52:03,625 --> 01:52:08,916
There's dope stuff, like material stuff,
like sick apartments and watches,
1862
01:52:09,000 --> 01:52:11,750
and cars, and clothes and shit
1863
01:52:11,833 --> 01:52:16,416
that could all go away
and I don't wanna see that stuff go away.
1864
01:52:16,500 --> 01:52:18,833
So I'm gonna say a prayer
for that stuff. Amen.
1865
01:52:21,958 --> 01:52:25,041
Just a quiet trepidation
among this much smaller crowd.
1866
01:52:25,125 --> 01:52:27,000
I can hear the sounds
of some people praying.
1867
01:52:27,083 --> 01:52:29,166
Okay, Anderson, let's go get it.
1868
01:52:29,250 --> 01:52:32,500
Yes, sir. Here we go, people.
1869
01:52:33,291 --> 01:52:34,125
Ten.
1870
01:52:34,208 --> 01:52:41,125
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
1871
01:52:41,833 --> 01:52:43,875
five, four...
1872
01:53:02,666 --> 01:53:03,500
Hey.
1873
01:53:04,958 --> 01:53:05,791
Hi.
1874
01:53:16,583 --> 01:53:19,541
We got some groceries.
1875
01:53:28,916 --> 01:53:30,291
Yo, what was that?
1876
01:53:30,375 --> 01:53:32,291
We lost BEAD number 12.
1877
01:53:35,208 --> 01:53:36,833
BEAD number 22 failed to launch.
1878
01:53:37,708 --> 01:53:40,541
It's fine. It's fine.
1879
01:53:40,625 --> 01:53:44,666
We had anticipated a margin for error.
1880
01:53:44,750 --> 01:53:46,250
Everything is fine.
1881
01:53:46,333 --> 01:53:50,833
I was hoping
we could have a family dinner.
1882
01:53:50,916 --> 01:53:52,291
Hey, Dad.
1883
01:53:52,375 --> 01:53:54,458
1884
01:54:00,833 --> 01:54:01,750
What do you say?
1885
01:54:04,166 --> 01:54:05,000
Yeah.
1886
01:54:05,916 --> 01:54:07,291
1887
01:54:07,791 --> 01:54:10,000
1888
01:54:10,083 --> 01:54:11,916
1889
01:54:12,000 --> 01:54:13,750
1890
01:54:13,833 --> 01:54:16,000
I'm FirePuma142 on Twitch. You game?
1891
01:54:16,625 --> 01:54:18,125
It's really doubtful she knows.
1892
01:54:18,208 --> 01:54:19,833
1893
01:54:21,000 --> 01:54:23,333
I... I got these for you.
1894
01:54:25,208 --> 01:54:27,166
Thank you. That's really sweet, honey.
1895
01:54:33,375 --> 01:54:35,375
I'm so sorry. You have no idea.
1896
01:54:37,208 --> 01:54:39,916
1897
01:54:40,750 --> 01:54:43,875
1898
01:54:50,875 --> 01:54:53,625
When we dated in college,
I fucked Aaron Tran.
1899
01:54:57,333 --> 01:54:58,708
Yeah, so...
1900
01:55:14,541 --> 01:55:16,833
1901
01:55:27,708 --> 01:55:30,000
1902
01:55:30,083 --> 01:55:32,791
1903
01:55:33,875 --> 01:55:37,375
Evan, Marshall, June,
this is Dr. Oglethorpe.
1904
01:55:52,000 --> 01:55:54,875
BEADs have approached
optimal escape velocity
1905
01:55:54,958 --> 01:55:59,625
and now approaching Comet Dibiasky
and are ready for attachment mode.
1906
01:56:15,000 --> 01:56:17,625
Okay. All right.
1907
01:56:17,708 --> 01:56:20,833
Eight and 27 are lost
due to lateral control malfunction.
1908
01:56:21,750 --> 01:56:24,666
Okay, so, now... Now, Peter...
1909
01:56:24,750 --> 01:56:28,958
Peter, we're six drones down.
Is this thing still gonna work?
1910
01:56:29,041 --> 01:56:34,875
Well, the engineer's assured me
that yes, 24 drones is enough.
1911
01:56:35,958 --> 01:56:38,958
Well, how many can we lose?
1912
01:56:41,583 --> 01:56:43,083
How many more?
1913
01:56:46,625 --> 01:56:50,250
We're being told that several
of the BEADS have exploded on launch.
1914
01:56:51,291 --> 01:56:54,125
Got the head seat right there.
1915
01:56:54,208 --> 01:56:56,791
You're way too kind, Randall.
Thank you.
1916
01:56:56,875 --> 01:56:57,875
Big Doctor.
1917
01:56:57,958 --> 01:56:59,166
Do you want more wine?
1918
01:57:00,291 --> 01:57:02,291
1919
01:57:02,375 --> 01:57:03,416
1920
01:57:03,500 --> 01:57:05,250
1921
01:57:05,333 --> 01:57:06,583
Thank you for being here.
1922
01:57:06,666 --> 01:57:08,208
1923
01:57:20,958 --> 01:57:24,166
Commence simultaneous
explosive separation stage now.
1924
01:57:27,541 --> 01:57:29,708
Yo. Yo. Mom.
1925
01:57:39,708 --> 01:57:40,750
Beautiful.
1926
01:57:41,333 --> 01:57:43,250
1927
01:57:43,333 --> 01:57:48,083
Yeah, it really is.
And it's really good to have you home.
1928
01:57:49,750 --> 01:57:51,500
Dr. Mindy got really famous.
1929
01:57:51,583 --> 01:57:54,125
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
1930
01:57:54,208 --> 01:57:55,791
That's right. Okay.
1931
01:57:56,708 --> 01:58:00,625
Yep, I was on magazine covers
and everything. I know.
1932
01:58:01,291 --> 01:58:03,375
1933
01:58:07,833 --> 01:58:09,458
1934
01:58:10,875 --> 01:58:13,500
All right. We need a report.
1935
01:58:13,583 --> 01:58:16,166
Need a full status report
on the explosive devices.
1936
01:58:16,250 --> 01:58:19,416
Get on it.
Still waiting for a full status report.
1937
01:58:21,416 --> 01:58:22,458
All right.
1938
01:58:22,541 --> 01:58:27,625
President Qi of China
says that the comet is still whole.
1939
01:58:27,708 --> 01:58:29,791
We got four misfires and sync was off.
1940
01:58:30,625 --> 01:58:31,625
It's still intact.
1941
01:58:31,708 --> 01:58:32,875
What was that?
1942
01:58:33,541 --> 01:58:35,958
We've got four misfires
and the sync was off.
1943
01:58:36,791 --> 01:58:40,958
Okay. We're all fine. Everyone's fine.
1944
01:58:41,708 --> 01:58:44,791
It's gonna be all right.
If you'll excuse me.
1945
01:58:44,875 --> 01:58:46,125
Nature calls.
1946
01:58:46,208 --> 01:58:49,208
I'm just gonna go to the restroom
for a moment.
1947
01:58:52,666 --> 01:58:55,541
Yes, I think
that I should also step out
1948
01:58:55,625 --> 01:58:57,333
to the restroom for a moment.
1949
01:59:03,583 --> 01:59:05,583
1950
01:59:06,625 --> 01:59:08,125
Sir, the president.
1951
01:59:08,875 --> 01:59:11,000
We need to know
what the mission status is.
1952
01:59:13,166 --> 01:59:14,750
She's coming right back.
1953
01:59:15,416 --> 01:59:18,041
Screw this. I'm going to see my husband.
1954
01:59:21,333 --> 01:59:24,625
I'm sorry. I've got a 20-year-old
daughter. I've got to go see her.
1955
01:59:25,291 --> 01:59:26,625
I'm doin' an 8-ball.
1956
01:59:27,791 --> 01:59:28,833
Oh, shit!
1957
01:59:28,916 --> 01:59:30,625
She's coming. She's coming back.
1958
01:59:37,041 --> 01:59:39,250
Hello, there's a ship.
1959
01:59:39,791 --> 01:59:43,916
In case we were wrong,
and clearly, we were wrong.
1960
01:59:44,000 --> 01:59:46,458
Of course you've got a ship.
1961
01:59:46,541 --> 01:59:48,125
It holds 2,000.
1962
01:59:48,208 --> 01:59:51,458
It's state-of-the-art cryo-chambers,
and it's set to find
1963
01:59:51,541 --> 01:59:54,666
the nearest Earth-like planet
in a Goldilocks Zone so...
1964
01:59:55,708 --> 01:59:57,125
There's room for you and one other.
1965
01:59:58,166 --> 02:00:00,250
Brie, your wife, your call.
1966
02:00:02,708 --> 02:00:09,500
I'm good, but thank you for the offer.
You... You have fun with Jason.
1967
02:00:11,541 --> 02:00:12,500
Jason?
1968
02:00:15,250 --> 02:00:16,375
Oh, shit.
1969
02:00:20,083 --> 02:00:21,083
She's coming back.
1970
02:00:30,125 --> 02:00:33,041
I'm thankful for that night
I fell asleep out in the backyard.
1971
02:00:33,791 --> 02:00:36,166
1972
02:00:36,250 --> 02:00:38,708
1973
02:00:50,166 --> 02:00:51,375
I'm grateful...
1974
02:00:58,750 --> 02:01:00,666
I'm grateful we tried.
1975
02:01:03,541 --> 02:01:06,000
Man, oh, man, did we try.
1976
02:01:08,458 --> 02:01:13,791
Well, we're not the most religious here
in the Mindy household,
1977
02:01:13,875 --> 02:01:17,500
but maybe we should say amen?
Should we do that?
1978
02:01:17,583 --> 02:01:19,041
Don't look at me.
1979
02:01:19,875 --> 02:01:23,833
I don't know how to...
What, you just say, amen? I don't...
1980
02:01:24,541 --> 02:01:25,750
1981
02:01:26,416 --> 02:01:27,250
I got it.
1982
02:01:38,750 --> 02:01:41,000
Dearest Father and Almighty Creator...
1983
02:01:44,875 --> 02:01:48,708
we ask for Your grace tonight,
despite our pride.
1984
02:01:50,416 --> 02:01:54,291
Your forgiveness, despite our doubt.
1985
02:01:57,625 --> 02:01:59,125
Most of all, Lord...
1986
02:02:01,125 --> 02:02:05,791
we ask for Your love
to soothe us through these dark times.
1987
02:02:08,291 --> 02:02:10,500
May we face whatever is to come...
1988
02:02:12,791 --> 02:02:18,583
in Your divine will with courage
and open hearts of acceptance.
1989
02:02:21,833 --> 02:02:24,291
1990
02:02:25,541 --> 02:02:27,708
Youse got some church game.
1991
02:02:29,625 --> 02:02:30,750
That was beautiful.
1992
02:02:34,166 --> 02:02:36,125
The comet remains intact.
1993
02:02:42,875 --> 02:02:44,541
We just never...
1994
02:02:46,750 --> 02:02:50,208
Of course, there's only one story
everyone's talking about tonight.
1995
02:02:50,791 --> 02:02:52,791
Topless urgent care centers.
1996
02:03:03,000 --> 02:03:04,458
Sit.
1997
02:03:06,458 --> 02:03:10,791
Or... we can fuck...
1998
02:03:12,833 --> 02:03:14,666
or pray, or...
1999
02:03:18,791 --> 02:03:22,291
Honestly, I think
I'd just rather drink and...
2000
02:03:24,250 --> 02:03:25,916
talk shit about people.
2001
02:03:32,208 --> 02:03:33,833
You'll never take me alive!
2002
02:03:37,041 --> 02:03:37,958
Look out!
2003
02:04:30,083 --> 02:04:32,916
I'm definitely gonna have
some more of this apple pie. It's so good.
2004
02:04:33,000 --> 02:04:35,791
It's actually store-bought,
but you really can't tell.
2005
02:04:37,666 --> 02:04:42,208
If I'm to be completely honest,
which at this moment, why not?
2006
02:04:43,208 --> 02:04:46,916
I actually like the junky taste
of store-bought better than homemade.
2007
02:04:47,666 --> 02:04:48,666
You gotta be kidding me.
2008
02:04:48,750 --> 02:04:52,166
No, I'm not kidding.
2009
02:04:53,458 --> 02:04:56,666
You know what? I know what he means.
It's like a childhood memory thing.
2010
02:05:31,666 --> 02:05:33,583
Nothing is better than homemade, right?
2011
02:05:33,666 --> 02:05:37,208
This coffee doesn't taste
store-bought. Is it?
2012
02:05:37,291 --> 02:05:39,666
I grind my own beans. Yeah.
2013
02:05:39,750 --> 02:05:41,375
Yeah, Dad's kind of a coffee nut.
2014
02:05:41,458 --> 02:05:43,708
Every time you have coffee,
you have to grind your beans?
2015
02:05:44,708 --> 02:05:48,666
Randall is very particular
about his coffee.
2016
02:05:48,750 --> 02:05:50,375
I can get that way about tea.
2017
02:05:53,208 --> 02:05:55,541
Thing of it is, we really...
2018
02:05:57,625 --> 02:05:59,833
We really did have everything, didn't we?
2019
02:06:02,083 --> 02:06:04,500
I mean, when you think about it.
2020
02:09:36,750 --> 02:09:39,916
Hey, oxygen is
actually higher than on Earth
2021
02:09:40,000 --> 02:09:41,166
by nine percent,
2022
02:09:41,250 --> 02:09:43,833
so you might feel a bit light-headed.
2023
02:09:44,666 --> 02:09:48,208
And cryo-chambers were 58% successful,
2024
02:09:48,291 --> 02:09:50,583
which is much better than anticipated.
2025
02:09:50,666 --> 02:09:53,791
Yeah, we only had 47 dead
in our section, so...
2026
02:09:54,583 --> 02:09:59,000
I think this is gonna work out quite well.
Quite well, indeed.
2027
02:09:59,083 --> 02:09:59,916
Goodness.
2028
02:10:00,000 --> 02:10:05,625
Look at that beautiful animal.
2029
02:10:05,708 --> 02:10:09,708
I wonder, are those feathers
or are they scale...
2030
02:10:12,708 --> 02:10:14,958
2031
02:10:15,666 --> 02:10:18,125
I believe that's called a Bronteroc.
2032
02:10:20,916 --> 02:10:24,125
Whatever you do, don't pet them.
2033
02:17:28,166 --> 02:17:29,166
Fuck.
2034
02:17:43,500 --> 02:17:44,458
Mom?
2035
02:17:47,458 --> 02:17:48,541
Mom!
2036
02:17:54,125 --> 02:17:55,333
What's up, y'all?
2037
02:17:56,000 --> 02:17:57,458
I'm the last man on Earth.
2038
02:17:58,750 --> 02:18:00,125
Shit's all fucked up.
2039
02:18:00,875 --> 02:18:02,666
Don't forget to like and subscribe.
2040
02:18:03,458 --> 02:18:04,375
We out here.
2041
02:18:07,250 --> 02:18:08,208
Mom!
ドント・ルック・アップ 2021
00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,375
God damn it.
2
00:01:11,041 --> 00:01:14,791
<i>Inside the room,
Dr. Doom, prepare for the boom, bam!</i>
3
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,666
<i>I slam</i>
4
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:22,791
<i>Scream like Tarzan</i>
5
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,458
<i>I be tossin' and flossin',
my style is awesome</i>
6
00:01:25,541 --> 00:01:28,333
<i>I'm causing more family feuds
than Richard Dawson</i>
7
00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:30,291
<i>And the survey said, you're dead</i>
8
00:01:30,375 --> 00:01:33,083
<i>Fatal Flying Guillotine
chops off your fucking head</i>
9
00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:35,250
<i>Mister, who is that?
Ayo, the Wu is back</i>
10
00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:37,833
<i>Making... go Bo! Bo!
Like I'm Super Cat</i>
11
00:01:38,875 --> 00:01:41,166
<i>Oh, no, here come
the Wu-Tang shogun</i>
12
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,375
<i>Killer to my eardrum,
put the needle to the groove</i>
13
00:01:43,458 --> 00:01:45,666
<i>I gets rude and I'm forced
to fuck it up, my style...</i>
14
00:02:02,583 --> 00:02:04,791
<i>More Afro than Rollo
coming to a fork in the road</i>
15
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,250
<i>Which way to go, just follow...</i>
16
00:03:05,708 --> 00:03:08,541
This is nuts! This is so crazy!
17
00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:11,791
I've got a hard cider
and a bag of Crossbone Crunch.
18
00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:12,791
It's a party.
19
00:03:12,875 --> 00:03:15,791
I'm... I'm just so,
so thrilled for you, Kate.
20
00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:19,416
To Comet Dibiasky, right?
Cheers!
21
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,916
It's gotta be, look...
It's gotta be an Oort cloud comet
22
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,833
just based on where you saw it.
23
00:03:24,916 --> 00:03:27,083
Probably the last time
it was this close to the Sun
24
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,375
was long before human civilization.
25
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,541
Look at the arc on that thing.
God, it's amazing.
26
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:35,083
How would we find out the comet's
velocity in orbit, Professor Mindy?
27
00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:37,250
That is a good question.
28
00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:40,166
This will be fun. I haven't done
orbital dynamics since grad school.
29
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,000
Question is, what...
30
00:03:42,916 --> 00:03:45,375
What would Carl Sagan do?
31
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:48,875
He would take it back to first principles.
32
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,666
The topocentric vector is rho.
33
00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:56,500
Kate, what are the initial coordinates?
34
00:03:57,083 --> 00:03:58,000
Twenty-one.
35
00:03:59,666 --> 00:04:00,875
Twenty-four.
36
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:02,500
Thirteen.
37
00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:04,250
This is fun, huh, guys?
38
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:07,458
- Sixty-seven.
- Now you got me pumped.
39
00:04:07,541 --> 00:04:08,791
- Dr. Mindy.
- All right...
40
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,583
How many terms do you have to calibrate...
41
00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:13,458
Approximation of coordinates
in Marsden, '85.
42
00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:17,958
Now that we have the comet's orbit,
we will check the ephemeris
43
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:22,458
and that will give us the distance
between the comet and planet Earth.
44
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:28,083
Why does the ephemeris
keep getting lower and lower?
45
00:04:42,708 --> 00:04:43,833
Professor Mindy?
46
00:04:49,416 --> 00:04:50,625
Professor Mindy?
47
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:58,041
You know what, guys? Let's...
48
00:04:58,875 --> 00:05:00,458
Let's call it a night, huh?
49
00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:04,916
But what about
the relative position?
50
00:05:05,416 --> 00:05:08,500
I can't figure this one out.
Not tonight, guys. Sorry.
51
00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:11,875
- Let's hit it, man. I'm beat.
- Me too.
52
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,375
- Kate, this was amazing.
- Congratulations.
53
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:16,958
Hey, Kate.
54
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:19,666
You stay.
55
00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:31,708
Yeah, Dr. Calder,
56
00:05:31,791 --> 00:05:33,916
a Michigan State professor
and his grad students...
57
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,375
This is Dr. Calder.
You pulled me out of a meeting
58
00:05:36,458 --> 00:05:39,291
where I had to tell my team
we lost eight billion in funding.
59
00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:42,208
I am so sorry, Dr. Calder,
60
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:45,125
but we are seeing some
awfully strange orbital numbers
61
00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:47,041
on this comet we just found.
62
00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:48,958
They should be in your inbox, right?
63
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:50,916
- Is this it?
- Yeah. This is it.
64
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,375
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let me get
Dr. Oglethorpe on the line.
65
00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:54,791
Please hold.
66
00:05:54,875 --> 00:05:57,250
I'm on hold.
67
00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:00,500
She's calling a Dr. Oglethorpe.
Who is that?
68
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:04,083
Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna put them on speaker.
69
00:06:06,041 --> 00:06:07,166
Dr. Oglethorpe,
70
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,666
head of the Planetary
Defense Coordination Office.
71
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,625
- Is that a real place?
- I have no idea.
72
00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:22,625
This is Dr. Oglethorpe.
73
00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:24,208
Yes, this is Jocelyn Calder
74
00:06:24,291 --> 00:06:25,375
from Kennedy Space Center.
75
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,000
Hey, Jocelyn.
76
00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:29,125
Listen, we got a sighting
77
00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:31,500
of an NEO from Subaru telescope.
78
00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:32,916
Okay...
79
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,458
Why you just didn't report it
to the Minor Planet Center?
80
00:06:35,541 --> 00:06:38,333
It's a professor
and a bunch of Michigan State students
81
00:06:38,416 --> 00:06:40,333
who identified something big.
82
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:41,833
Really? How large?
83
00:06:41,916 --> 00:06:43,291
How big we talking?
84
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,666
We clocked it in around
five to ten kilometers wide.
85
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,250
About five to ten kilometers wide.
86
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,750
That's a big boy.
87
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:55,291
And was this professor the one
who first made the observations?
88
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,625
Hi, yes. Dr. Mindy.
89
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:01,083
And... And no,
PhD candidate Kate Dibiasky found it.
90
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:02,916
I did the orbital calculations.
91
00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:07,250
I... I study trace gasses
in dead galaxies.
92
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:10,750
I haven't published in a while
so you probably haven't heard of me.
93
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:11,916
But anyway, that doesn't matter.
94
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,333
Sorry. What was your question?
95
00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:17,375
What are the most updated estimates
on its trajectory?
96
00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:18,458
Kate?
97
00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:27,041
I've been running it all day.
I keep getting the same result.
98
00:07:27,791 --> 00:07:30,875
A direct hit of Earth
in six months and 14 days.
99
00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:33,000
Me too.
100
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:35,333
Matthew,
what are your calculations?
101
00:07:35,416 --> 00:07:40,500
Scout program
is saying six months, 14 days.
102
00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:42,791
We got six months and 14 days.
103
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:48,916
And it's roughly five
to ten kilometers wide.
104
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,125
Which... Which...
105
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:53,625
Isn't that...
106
00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,083
an extinction-level event?
107
00:07:57,208 --> 00:07:59,333
Well, let's not be dramatic here.
108
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:02,541
Okay...
109
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:07,291
First move is to get
the school field trip out here to DC.
110
00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:08,833
Let's all calm down.
111
00:08:08,916 --> 00:08:11,166
I need the person who first had eyes
on the comet
112
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:12,750
and the person in charge.
113
00:08:12,833 --> 00:08:13,833
What?
114
00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:21,208
Share this data immediately
with Cambridge, Caltech and IAU.
115
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:23,291
Wait a minute.
This is classified information.
116
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:24,708
What's happening?
117
00:08:24,791 --> 00:08:26,833
I serve
at the discretion of the president.
118
00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:28,166
Is this really happening?
119
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:30,666
And the dead galaxy professor
to Hickam Air Force base.
120
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:33,291
DC, right?
Hey! Hey, Kate.
121
00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:35,291
This isn't happening, right?
122
00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:38,541
Kate, this isn't real, right?
This is...
123
00:08:38,625 --> 00:08:41,125
This is just some sort
of alternate reality, right?
124
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:42,041
Say something.
125
00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:43,750
I gotta go get high.
126
00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:48,041
Word is that I need you both in DC fast.
Only plane I got going there is that one.
127
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:50,375
Anyway, I am Dr. Mindy. This is...
128
00:08:50,458 --> 00:08:52,208
- Hi!
- Go, go, go!
129
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:57,708
- Where do we sit, Kate?
- I have no idea.
130
00:08:57,791 --> 00:08:59,625
Is there
any customary seating for...
131
00:09:06,708 --> 00:09:10,625
What the fuck? Is this real?
Is this a goddamn joke?
132
00:09:10,708 --> 00:09:11,833
Holy shit.
133
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:21,000
This can't be happening. No.
134
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,125
- Brendon. You mean Brendon?
- Yeah, Brendon.
135
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:15,041
You know, he didn't keep his head down.
It's all politics, Teddy. You know that.
136
00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:17,083
You must be Randall and Kate.
137
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,250
Yes. Yes, hi.
138
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,583
I'm Dr. Oglethorpe,
but you can call me Teddy.
139
00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,166
I'm sorry. Did you say your name...
140
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:25,333
- I should call you Teddy? Teddy.
- Teddy. Yeah.
141
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,083
Yeah, we call him Teddy
because he ain't no teddy bear.
142
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,416
General Themes.
I'm the Pentagon's eyes on...
143
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,375
you know,
whatever this turns out to be.
144
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:37,875
The president is famously late,
and you've had a long flight, so...
145
00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:44,250
Michigan State Spartans.
146
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:52,583
- Is that the Oval Office?
- Yeah, that's the Oval Office, yeah.
147
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:55,541
It's a lot smaller
than in the photographs.
148
00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:57,625
The president
should be here shortly.
149
00:10:57,708 --> 00:10:58,875
She's already been briefed.
150
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,458
Correct, Scott?
151
00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:03,166
That is correct.
152
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,750
Are we really about to tell
the president of the United States
153
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,583
that we have just over six months
154
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:12,166
until humankind, basically every species,
is completely extinct?
155
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:16,291
Yeah. That's exactly
what we're about to do. Yeah.
156
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,916
Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.
157
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:15,416
Yes, I said law enforcement.
158
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,708
But I didn't want... I mean,
you told me that he was clean.
159
00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:24,166
- Hello, Madam President. Dr. Oglethorpe.
- Step back, please.
160
00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:25,666
Hello.
161
00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:30,208
Madam President, I'm Dr. Oglethorpe.
I believe Jocelyn briefed you to...
162
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,833
- Hey, Jason.
- Yeah? What up, yo?
163
00:12:32,916 --> 00:12:35,166
Come on, man. What the hell?
This is real world.
164
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:36,875
Yeah. I know. We need five minutes.
165
00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:40,625
We have a problem with our Supreme Court
nominee. Five minutes. Thank you.
166
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:57,541
<i>Happy birthday to you</i>
167
00:12:57,625 --> 00:13:01,958
<i>Happy birthday to you</i>
168
00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:06,541
<i>Happy birthday, dear Patty...</i>
169
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,750
Just take a message,
and then, stuff like this happens,
170
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,500
and I don't know what's going on.
171
00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:17,541
I don't understand
how many more times I need to tell you...
172
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:21,500
Well, there's a bunch of stuff about
their nominee not being qualified,
173
00:13:22,791 --> 00:13:25,875
but I don't see
any articles about our thing.
174
00:13:25,958 --> 00:13:28,291
Social media is just going on and on
175
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:32,250
about that singer Riley Bina
and DJ Chello breaking up.
176
00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,166
That's just too bad.
177
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:37,291
They seem like sweet kids.
178
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,541
I don't... I don't know them.
179
00:13:41,708 --> 00:13:42,583
Which is...
180
00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:44,375
- It's a shame though.
- Yeah.
181
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:46,625
- Do you know them, Kate?
- Yes.
182
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:49,416
But I don't really give a shit right now.
183
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:53,208
They charge
an arm and a leg for this stuff.
184
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,041
Ten apiece ought to do it.
185
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,625
- Grab a water.
- Thank you.
186
00:13:56,708 --> 00:13:57,916
I've got Kate as well.
187
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,250
- Perfect.
- Thank you.
188
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:01,000
Here's a 20.
189
00:14:03,416 --> 00:14:05,333
- You got change?
- No.
190
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:11,208
- I mean, I could ask the Marine.
- Yeah...
191
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:14,625
It's a Xanax.
192
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,750
I only take a quarter.
Otherwise I get...
193
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,958
- Kate.
- Thank you.
194
00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,083
You know, you should be
careful with that much.
195
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,708
<i>This eagle's place is in the sky</i>
196
00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:46,958
I'm very sorry. I have to be
in Okinawa by two o'clock tomorrow.
197
00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:49,375
- What?
- What? Are you serious?
198
00:14:49,458 --> 00:14:52,166
- This is very important.
- I have to go quell the natives.
199
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,875
Tell your daughter I said hello.
200
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:58,333
Isn't it important that he was
in the room with us? I mean, what...
201
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,833
Where do I pay for these?
202
00:15:06,916 --> 00:15:07,958
It's free.
203
00:15:10,666 --> 00:15:11,791
Really?
204
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,375
Yes, it's the White House.
205
00:15:19,708 --> 00:15:21,916
The snacks are free.
206
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:23,583
What?
207
00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:25,291
The general.
208
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,166
He charged us
for the snacks, but they're free.
209
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,416
Oh, gosh.
210
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,541
Why on earth would he do that?
211
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:35,291
Hey, peeps, it's not looking
like it's gonna happen tonight,
212
00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:37,291
and I feel horrible.
213
00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,291
We're gonna put you up
in a hotel somewhere.
214
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:41,541
Excuse me, does the president
know why we're here?
215
00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:43,916
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
216
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,166
They must not know
why we're here, right?
217
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,875
They know, but you heard 'em.
218
00:15:47,958 --> 00:15:50,291
- Do they even realize...
- Be ready for tomorrow.
219
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:51,708
How long it took for us to get...
220
00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:57,708
And then they made us wait
for over seven hours,
221
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,916
but they never called us in.
I couldn't believe it.
222
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,500
Of course they didn't call you in.
Kate, have you watched any news today?
223
00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:06,958
No, I've been pretty wrapped up
in our... project.
224
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,500
Turn on your TV right now.
225
00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:11,250
President Orlean is in
the middle of an all-time shit storm.
226
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:15,166
Sheriff Wade Conlon
was already a controversial nominee,
227
00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:19,958
with no law degree and a record
of shoot first and ask questions later.
228
00:16:20,041 --> 00:16:21,125
You watching?
229
00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,250
With his background as a nude life model...
230
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,750
Yeah, I'm watching it right now.
231
00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:28,250
The White House is in full crisis mode.
232
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,500
And, get this.
233
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:32,750
I found five former students
234
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:37,666
who are willing to go on record
that Conlon got noticeably aroused
235
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,375
when he posed for their drawing class.
236
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:40,916
I have no shame in what I did.
237
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,916
Now, should I say noticeably aroused?
238
00:16:44,666 --> 00:16:47,916
Or engorged? Because
I don't want this to read like clickbait.
239
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,708
You know, this is a real article.
240
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,291
I just... Kate, can I get
something from you, please?
241
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:56,250
Sorry.
242
00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:00,083
- Out of sorts tonight.
- Can we have this conversation?
243
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:02,083
I feel like we're skirting around this.
244
00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:05,000
Do you have an issue with my mom?
Is that what this is all about?
245
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:07,791
You can't tell me what's going on?
246
00:17:07,875 --> 00:17:10,458
It's just the protocol.
Please, don't worry.
247
00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:15,208
Oh, Marshall got a 172
on his LSATs and we're celebrating.
248
00:17:15,291 --> 00:17:18,666
Way to go, Marshall.
I'm proud of you, buddy.
249
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:21,083
Thank you, Dad. Miss you.
250
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:24,708
Hey, how's Evan feeling?
Are the new meds working out?
251
00:17:24,791 --> 00:17:26,666
I'm a solid four.
252
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:28,083
He's a solid four.
253
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,750
Well, that's better
than last month, right?
254
00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:34,083
You know, just remember to speak up
in the meeting tomorrow. Okay?
255
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:35,750
- Yeah. I will.
- You get so quiet.
256
00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:38,416
When it's time to take credit,
you kind of...
257
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:43,000
She asked you if you were a lesbian.
She did not say that you were a lesbian.
258
00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:44,916
- It was a question.
- Hey, look, I'm...
259
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,208
Can I sit down with your mom
to have lunch in, like, seven months?
260
00:17:48,291 --> 00:17:52,583
Seven... That's weirdly
specific and distant.
261
00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:54,625
What is... This is my mom.
262
00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:02,541
So...
263
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:06,041
I heard there's an asteroid
or a comet or something
264
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,958
that you don't like the looks of.
265
00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:12,416
Tell me about it and then
tell me why you're telling me about it.
266
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,208
You got 20 minutes.
267
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,208
- Twenty minutes?
- That's you, Doc.
268
00:18:16,291 --> 00:18:18,375
Go. Now. Go.
269
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,125
Madam President.
270
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:27,125
Approximately 36 hours ago,
271
00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:31,791
PhD candidate
Kate Dibiasky here discovered
272
00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:34,000
a very large comet.
273
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,791
- Yeah.
- Good for you.
274
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,541
A comet between
five to ten kilometers across,
275
00:18:39,625 --> 00:18:41,875
that we estimate came from the...
276
00:18:41,958 --> 00:18:44,250
from the... from the Oort cloud.
277
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,791
Which is the outermost part
of the solar system.
278
00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:49,458
And...
279
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:53,416
And using Gauss's method
of orbital determination
280
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:58,625
and the average astrometric uncertainty
of 0.04 arcseconds, we then asked...
281
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:03,000
- What the hell is... What?
- I'm so bored. Just tell us what it is.
282
00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:05,291
- What? Stop what?
- Seriously, stop.
283
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:08,416
What Dr. Mindy is trying to say is
there's a comet headed towards Earth,
284
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,708
and according to NASA's computers,
285
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:12,916
that object is gonna hit the Pacific Ocean
286
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,166
at 62 miles due west
off the coast of Chile.
287
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,166
Then what happens? Like, a tidal wave?
288
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:20,666
No. It will be far more catastrophic.
289
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:25,250
There'll be mile-high tsunamis
fanning out all across the globe.
290
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:32,333
If this comet makes impact, it will have
the power of a billion Hiroshima bombs.
291
00:19:32,958 --> 00:19:36,375
There'll be
magnitude 10 or 11 earthquakes...
292
00:19:36,458 --> 00:19:39,375
You're breathing weird.
It's making me uncomfortable.
293
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:42,000
I'm sorry, I'm just trying
to articulate the science.
294
00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:45,125
I know. But it's so stressful.
I'm trying to, like, listen...
295
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:47,916
I don't think you understand
the gravity of the situation.
296
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,875
I'm trying to articulate it
the best I can...
297
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:54,791
Madam President, this comet
is what we call a planet-killer.
298
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:56,333
That is correct.
299
00:20:00,791 --> 00:20:02,333
So how certain is this?
300
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:05,541
There's 100% certainty of impact.
301
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:07,666
Please, don't say 100%.
302
00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:10,333
Can we just call it
a potentially significant event?
303
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:11,458
- Yeah.
- Yes.
304
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:14,250
But it isn't potentially going to happen.
305
00:20:14,791 --> 00:20:16,500
It is going to happen.
306
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:20,083
Exactly. 99.78% to be exact.
307
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:22,291
Oh, great. Okay, so it's not 100%.
308
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:25,250
Well, scientists never like to say 100%.
309
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:27,791
Call it 70% and let's just move on.
310
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:29,541
But it's not even close to 70%.
311
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:31,958
You cannot go around saying to people
312
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:34,791
that there's 100% chance
that they're gonna die.
313
00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:37,791
You know? It's just nuts.
314
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:40,458
We should get some of
our scientists on this, you know.
315
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:44,250
No offense, but you're just two people
that walked in here with...
316
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:45,541
Dr. Oglethorpe.
317
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:47,166
Dr. Ov... Ogilvy. Yeah.
318
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:50,791
I've been head of planetary defense
at NASA for 15 years.
319
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:55,333
And Dr. Mindy is a tenured professor
of astronomy at Michigan State,
320
00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:58,375
where Miss Dibiasky
is a doctoral candidate.
321
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:01,083
- Good.
- I'm sorry. Did you say Michigan State?
322
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:03,750
Exactly. They have
an excellent astronomy department.
323
00:21:03,833 --> 00:21:05,250
- Yes.
- Come on, bro.
324
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:07,625
You kidding?
You wanna see my fucking SAT scores?
325
00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,708
Okay, let's bottom line this.
326
00:21:09,791 --> 00:21:11,666
What is this gonna cost me?
327
00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:13,875
You know, what's the ask here?
328
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:17,041
There are government plans in place.
329
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:19,541
Actions we can take through NASA.
330
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:22,583
Drones that can be outfitted with nukes
331
00:21:22,666 --> 00:21:27,083
to deflect and hopefully
change the orbit of this comet.
332
00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:28,916
We must act now.
333
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,583
Oh, hey.
All right, all right, all right.
334
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:34,000
- When are the midterms? Three weeks.
- Three weeks.
335
00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:36,791
So, if this breaks before then,
we lose Congress.
336
00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:38,833
Then there's nothing we can do about it.
337
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:39,833
It'll be gridlocked.
338
00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:43,916
The timing is just... It's atrocious.
339
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:51,125
Okay, at this very moment,
I say we sit tight and assess.
340
00:21:51,208 --> 00:21:52,458
Sit tight and assess.
341
00:21:52,541 --> 00:21:55,625
Let's get some other people
on this. Some Ivy Leaguers.
342
00:21:55,708 --> 00:21:58,458
And you and I will review the NASA plans.
343
00:21:58,541 --> 00:22:00,291
- Okay?
- I'd greatly appreciate that.
344
00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:03,583
Am I to understand correctly that,
345
00:22:03,666 --> 00:22:07,333
after all of the information
you've received today,
346
00:22:08,041 --> 00:22:12,291
the decision you're making
is to sit tight and assess?
347
00:22:12,375 --> 00:22:15,625
- I'm sorry, who is she?
- Who the fuck are you? Aren't you her son?
348
00:22:15,708 --> 00:22:18,416
I'm the fucking Chief of Staff,
Boy with the Dragon Tattoo.
349
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:19,791
So I'm doing fine.
350
00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:22,541
We gotta get out of here.
This place is a freak show.
351
00:22:22,625 --> 00:22:25,208
I think what Miss Dibiasky
is trying to say
352
00:22:25,291 --> 00:22:30,375
is that the idea of sitting tight
is an extremely, extremely dangerous...
353
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,750
Thank you.
One good thing happened today.
354
00:22:36,833 --> 00:22:38,916
Okay, funny story.
355
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,666
When I was running for president,
356
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,958
I had to sneak cigarettes for
the whole first month of the campaign
357
00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:46,291
because, you know,
photographs of me smoking
358
00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:48,333
went for, what, a hundred grand a pop?
359
00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:52,541
So, I'm always hiding, but,
you know, I just got sick of it.
360
00:22:53,166 --> 00:22:56,208
And I just said, you know what,
I'm gonna smoke whenever I want to.
361
00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:01,791
Guess what happened?
362
00:23:02,666 --> 00:23:06,500
- I went up three points in the polls.
- They loved that she kept it real.
363
00:23:06,583 --> 00:23:08,458
They love watching a smokeshow smoke.
364
00:23:08,541 --> 00:23:11,583
I can't think of another president
that I'd ever wanna see in Playboy.
365
00:23:11,666 --> 00:23:15,000
Do you know how many
the world is ending meetings
366
00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:16,708
that we've had over the years?
367
00:23:16,791 --> 00:23:20,833
Economic collapse, loose nukes,
car exhaust killing the atmosphere.
368
00:23:20,916 --> 00:23:23,666
- Rogue AI.
- Drought, famine, plague...
369
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:24,958
Everything.
370
00:23:25,041 --> 00:23:28,833
Alien invasion,
population growth, hole in the ozone...
371
00:23:28,916 --> 00:23:29,916
Jason, hey.
372
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,166
- Read the room for once in your life.
- Sorry, Mom.
373
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:35,000
Point is, I have a job to do.
374
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:37,833
You do understand
that this is an apocalyptic event.
375
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:43,250
This is a large celestial body
heading towards our planet at speeds...
376
00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:45,333
Dr. Mindy, I hear you.
377
00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:47,625
I hear you.
378
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:51,208
- You should be proud.
- Thank you.
379
00:23:51,291 --> 00:23:54,666
I'm taking it very seriously.
I'm taking it straight in the heart.
380
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:57,875
I'm so glad to hear that.
You have no idea.
381
00:23:57,958 --> 00:24:03,000
Hey, gang, obviously everything we talked
about in here, super classified, right?
382
00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:04,500
- Yeah.
- Cool.
383
00:24:04,583 --> 00:24:05,750
Thanks for dressing up.
384
00:24:14,375 --> 00:24:17,041
You're saying
we're just gonna leak it to the press?
385
00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:19,625
- Isn't that illegal?
- Hell yeah, we're going to leak it.
386
00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:22,333
In case you didn't notice,
the White House just blew us off.
387
00:24:22,416 --> 00:24:24,375
My boyfriend, Phillip,
says he knows a reporter
388
00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:26,458
from the New York Herald
who will talk to us.
389
00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:29,250
- Adul Grelio.
- Good. He's a heavy hitter.
390
00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:32,541
And I'll reach out to more of
the scientific community on the down-low.
391
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:38,416
- I just feel like this isn't what I do.
- You're just telling a story.
392
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:39,750
Keep it simple.
393
00:24:40,458 --> 00:24:41,583
No math.
394
00:24:42,791 --> 00:24:44,166
But it's all math.
395
00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:59,333
It all started
with a connection.
396
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:03,041
A simple gesture that created so much.
397
00:25:03,875 --> 00:25:05,000
So many choices.
398
00:25:06,208 --> 00:25:08,541
Sometimes, it can even feel like too much.
399
00:25:09,375 --> 00:25:10,875
Until now.
400
00:25:10,958 --> 00:25:13,291
Introducing BASH LiiF.
401
00:25:14,083 --> 00:25:16,791
Life, without the stress of living.
402
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:21,416
Before we introduce
the founder and CEO of BASH,
403
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:23,791
please remember
to avoid direct eye contact,
404
00:25:23,875 --> 00:25:27,458
sudden movements,
coughing or negative facial expressions.
405
00:25:27,541 --> 00:25:30,916
And now, please welcome
Sir Peter Isherwell.
406
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,791
We love you, Peter!
407
00:25:46,083 --> 00:25:48,125
We love you, Peter!
408
00:25:48,208 --> 00:25:49,375
Hello, everyone.
409
00:25:49,458 --> 00:25:51,833
All of my life's work,
410
00:25:52,458 --> 00:25:57,416
really, I see has been driven
by an inexpressible need for a friend
411
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,416
who would understand and soothe me.
412
00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:05,791
And you know, now all those years of work
have come to fruition with BASH LiiF,
413
00:26:05,875 --> 00:26:10,375
our new BASH 14.3 phone
414
00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:14,750
is fully integrated
into your every feeling and desire
415
00:26:14,833 --> 00:26:17,333
without you needing
to say one single word.
416
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:18,291
If I feel...
417
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,291
- Sad.
- Afraid.
418
00:26:20,375 --> 00:26:21,458
Or alone.
419
00:26:21,541 --> 00:26:25,750
The BASH 14.3 phone,
when set to the life setting,
420
00:26:25,833 --> 00:26:28,958
instantly senses my mood
through blood pressure...
421
00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:31,541
heartbeats and...
422
00:26:31,625 --> 00:26:34,000
Your vitals
show that you are sad.
423
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:35,833
This will cheer you up, Peter.
424
00:26:35,916 --> 00:26:40,583
<i>You are my best friend</i>
425
00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:43,541
<i>You make me happy...</i>
426
00:26:43,625 --> 00:26:46,416
Oh, that's wonderful.
427
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,666
That video...
428
00:26:48,750 --> 00:26:52,083
It also, seriously, schedules
429
00:26:52,166 --> 00:26:55,375
a therapy session
with a nearby professional,
430
00:26:55,458 --> 00:27:00,208
so we can make sure that
these sad feelings never ever ever return.
431
00:27:00,291 --> 00:27:02,958
- May I say something, Mr. Isherwell?
- No.
432
00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:07,541
And to support BASH LiiF,
I wanna officially announce...
433
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:10,041
Oh, give me the phones.
They're not yours.
434
00:27:12,916 --> 00:27:15,125
- Say bye.
- Bye, Mr. Isherwell.
435
00:27:15,208 --> 00:27:16,458
Bye, Peter.
436
00:27:16,541 --> 00:27:18,458
I love you, Peter.
437
00:27:18,541 --> 00:27:21,333
Are you sure the video
of the puppy on the rooster
438
00:27:21,416 --> 00:27:25,416
is optimizing our prepubescent
sense memory consumer sector?
439
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:27,166
I find the bird quite threatening.
440
00:27:27,250 --> 00:27:30,291
We will cross-check
the data on that, for sure.
441
00:27:30,375 --> 00:27:32,958
Mr. Isherwell, Paul Debent
wanted me to give this to you.
442
00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:35,791
He got it from
an astronomer friend of his in Mexico.
443
00:27:38,166 --> 00:27:39,000
Oh, my.
444
00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:43,000
What other confirmation
do we have on this, Adul?
445
00:27:43,083 --> 00:27:46,416
I've spoken to Dr. Oglethorpe in DC
and he confirmed it and all the math.
446
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:48,500
Then I showed it
to Dr. Franks at Columbia,
447
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:50,833
and he almost fell out of his chair.
448
00:27:50,916 --> 00:27:54,875
So, look, I have to admit.
I was very skeptical at first,
449
00:27:54,958 --> 00:27:56,583
but this is all quite credible.
450
00:27:56,666 --> 00:27:58,916
The calculations are credible.
451
00:27:59,416 --> 00:28:00,250
Jesus.
452
00:28:00,750 --> 00:28:02,750
And the president
really said to sit tight?
453
00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:05,583
- Yes. That's correct.
- Sit tight and assess.
454
00:28:05,666 --> 00:28:07,708
She's probably worried about the midterms.
455
00:28:07,791 --> 00:28:09,375
We need to move fast.
456
00:28:09,458 --> 00:28:11,333
The feds will claim breach of security,
457
00:28:11,416 --> 00:28:13,375
so make sure these two
get a pro bono attorney.
458
00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:16,458
- You can use my attorney.
- You can certainly afford it now.
459
00:28:16,541 --> 00:28:17,833
We're gonna hire a lawyer?
460
00:28:17,916 --> 00:28:20,166
- That wasn't necessary.
- It was.
461
00:28:20,250 --> 00:28:21,791
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.
462
00:28:21,875 --> 00:28:23,166
That was not called for.
463
00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:25,083
I just have a question here.
464
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:27,625
How is it criminal if we just tell people,
465
00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:31,000
like the public, you know,
what we saw, and tell them the truth?
466
00:28:31,083 --> 00:28:34,166
Make sure this one gets media training
before he hits the shows.
467
00:28:34,250 --> 00:28:35,875
He seems a step slow.
468
00:28:35,958 --> 00:28:38,083
What does that mean,
I need media training?
469
00:28:39,041 --> 00:28:41,791
They want us on a show
called The Daily Rip
470
00:28:41,875 --> 00:28:44,500
first thing in the morning
before the article comes out.
471
00:28:44,583 --> 00:28:46,416
You guys know what The Daily Rip is?
472
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:49,000
It's like the best show.
Everyone wants to be on it.
473
00:28:49,083 --> 00:28:50,916
Brie and Jack have legendary chemistry.
474
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,250
They asked me to go on once.
475
00:28:52,333 --> 00:28:54,500
I was so excited
I couldn't sleep for two nights,
476
00:28:54,583 --> 00:28:55,916
but then they cut me for time.
477
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,750
Still hurts me to think about that.
478
00:28:57,833 --> 00:29:01,583
I know what show you're talking about.
My wife loves that show.
479
00:29:01,666 --> 00:29:04,458
Okay, can you just tell me
what this is all about? Okay?
480
00:29:04,541 --> 00:29:07,916
'Cause you haven't read my article
on Conlon getting hard in the art class.
481
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,791
Now Adul Grelio has come down
from his mountaintop for your thing.
482
00:29:10,875 --> 00:29:13,625
You won't even give me
a lousy pronoun? Come on.
483
00:29:13,708 --> 00:29:16,708
A comet, bigger than the asteroid
that destroyed the dinosaurs,
484
00:29:16,791 --> 00:29:18,166
is headed directly at Earth.
485
00:29:18,250 --> 00:29:20,541
If it isn't deflected,
the entire planet dies.
486
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:22,625
Wait, what did you just say?
487
00:29:22,708 --> 00:29:24,000
It's for a video game.
488
00:29:27,458 --> 00:29:28,791
Are you being serious?
489
00:29:29,541 --> 00:29:30,541
Yes.
490
00:29:32,791 --> 00:29:34,083
Oh, my God.
491
00:29:44,333 --> 00:29:47,041
Oh, my God! What the fuck, man?
492
00:29:47,125 --> 00:29:49,916
I love you too. All right. Yeah.
493
00:29:50,541 --> 00:29:52,958
Hey, guys,
we gotta keep walking, all right?
494
00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:54,208
Come on.
495
00:30:30,791 --> 00:30:33,458
- You must be Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky?
- Yes.
496
00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:35,833
Jack and Brie are so excited
to have you on the show.
497
00:30:35,916 --> 00:30:37,750
Really? They know who we are?
498
00:30:37,833 --> 00:30:40,166
White House is denying
they even met with them.
499
00:30:40,250 --> 00:30:43,791
Well, assholes will always be assholes.
500
00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:54,625
Hi, I'm Thalia.
501
00:30:54,708 --> 00:30:57,000
The Herald sent me
to help with your wardrobe.
502
00:30:58,416 --> 00:30:59,833
Oh, I'm not wearing that.
503
00:31:01,583 --> 00:31:05,416
Yeah, you actually have
really great facial structure.
504
00:31:05,500 --> 00:31:08,333
How 'bout if we trim
this beard down a little bit and...
505
00:31:08,416 --> 00:31:09,833
I love your hair.
506
00:31:10,625 --> 00:31:11,541
Thank you.
507
00:31:12,375 --> 00:31:15,958
How are we gonna do this?
I talk about the discovery and you...
508
00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:19,083
talk about how urgent it is
that we take action.
509
00:31:19,166 --> 00:31:21,416
How do we say it? I mean...
510
00:31:22,708 --> 00:31:26,125
- Shouldn't we practice it or write it out?
- Can I get you some water?
511
00:31:26,208 --> 00:31:28,458
Yeah, water.
Yeah, water would be nice.
512
00:31:29,625 --> 00:31:32,416
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.
513
00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:37,375
Eleven benevolent elephants.
Eleven benevolent elephants.
514
00:31:38,125 --> 00:31:40,041
Just gonna take some Xanax.
515
00:31:41,125 --> 00:31:42,833
I take it sometimes when I...
516
00:31:44,458 --> 00:31:46,625
Kate, not this time. Not this time.
517
00:31:51,416 --> 00:31:56,291
He just needs to breathe
and speak up. You know?
518
00:31:56,375 --> 00:31:57,875
He's got this. I know he does.
519
00:32:03,208 --> 00:32:04,458
Oh, God. Come on.
520
00:32:09,041 --> 00:32:12,208
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.
521
00:32:12,291 --> 00:32:13,333
You're here now.
522
00:32:17,541 --> 00:32:18,458
Oh, God!
523
00:32:18,541 --> 00:32:20,375
You gotta
stop drinking the cheap shit.
524
00:32:21,750 --> 00:32:23,750
- It's only two glasses.
- Yeah, two and a half.
525
00:32:23,833 --> 00:32:25,541
- We're 20 out.
- Always running late.
526
00:32:25,625 --> 00:32:27,541
Let's make sure that our eye lines,
527
00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:30,250
that we're not looking
at Jack and Brie, please, all right?
528
00:32:30,333 --> 00:32:31,708
And cue the package.
529
00:32:31,791 --> 00:32:33,333
Two glasses. Here we go again.
530
00:32:52,041 --> 00:32:54,708
- Ladies okay?
- Yes. And we're live.
531
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:58,083
Brie, I've got something for you today.
Listen to this.
532
00:32:58,166 --> 00:33:01,041
President Orlean's Supreme Court nominee,
Sheriff Conlon,
533
00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:06,208
has now been identified
as appearing in a softcore porn cable show
534
00:33:06,291 --> 00:33:07,791
- from the early '90s...
- Ridiculous.
535
00:33:07,875 --> 00:33:10,833
Called Satin Sheet Nights.
536
00:33:10,916 --> 00:33:13,750
- This story just keeps going and going...
- Oh, my gosh.
537
00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:15,125
Is that Riley Bina?
538
00:33:15,208 --> 00:33:17,166
- Yes, well, it's a...
- Really?
539
00:33:19,375 --> 00:33:22,208
She looks a lot smaller
in person, doesn't she?
540
00:33:22,791 --> 00:33:24,750
Ride 'em, cowboy.
541
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,333
Good.
542
00:33:27,416 --> 00:33:30,083
Hey, everyone. I'm Sean from the show.
543
00:33:30,166 --> 00:33:33,875
We're gonna do... Jack and Brie
are gonna do ten on the SCOTUS nominee.
544
00:33:33,958 --> 00:33:37,250
- Riley Bina, you'll come on and...
- I get to talk about my single, right?
545
00:33:37,333 --> 00:33:40,291
A portion of the profits
goes to the manatee sanctuaries.
546
00:33:40,375 --> 00:33:42,375
Yes, but the breakup first.
547
00:33:42,458 --> 00:33:45,083
And then Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky,
548
00:33:45,166 --> 00:33:47,583
you'll come on and talk about
that planet you discovered.
549
00:33:47,666 --> 00:33:49,458
Comet. We found a comet.
550
00:33:49,541 --> 00:33:51,666
They know what we're here
to talk about, right?
551
00:33:51,750 --> 00:33:54,458
Of course. Jack and Brie
love doing science segments.
552
00:33:54,541 --> 00:33:56,375
Just remember, keep it light, fun.
553
00:33:56,458 --> 00:33:58,875
Jack and Brie love having a good time.
554
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,500
That's not promising.
555
00:34:00,583 --> 00:34:03,708
You guys discovered a comet?
That's so dope.
556
00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:05,916
I have a tattoo
of a shooting star on my back.
557
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:07,833
That's terrific.
558
00:34:13,375 --> 00:34:17,750
We heard about your breakup too,
so we just wanna say...
559
00:34:18,708 --> 00:34:20,333
We're very sorry, right?
560
00:34:20,416 --> 00:34:23,291
We're real sorry.
You seem like a... great person.
561
00:34:24,083 --> 00:34:26,583
Why don't you mind
your own business, you old fuck?
562
00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:30,500
Okay.
563
00:34:33,125 --> 00:34:35,291
Not gonna lie, but my friends
564
00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:38,750
and my Vroom Vroom Army
have been so amazing.
565
00:34:38,833 --> 00:34:42,500
So, I'm really grateful for that.
But, yeah, I can't lie. It's been hard.
566
00:34:42,583 --> 00:34:45,291
- You're an inspiration. It's incredible.
- To so many.
567
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:47,250
You're really owning that pain.
568
00:34:47,333 --> 00:34:51,041
You know, Jack, I feel like
there's some kind of conversation
569
00:34:51,125 --> 00:34:54,500
that we need to be having here.
Is there any message
570
00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:58,750
that you would like
to send to your ex, DJ Chello?
571
00:34:59,791 --> 00:35:01,083
You know...
572
00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:02,625
If there's something...
573
00:35:02,708 --> 00:35:04,291
- Yeah.
- Right here in this camera.
574
00:35:04,375 --> 00:35:07,666
Tell him. As if that was him.
You tell him exactly what you're thinking.
575
00:35:07,750 --> 00:35:09,208
Okay...
576
00:35:11,583 --> 00:35:12,666
Chell.
577
00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:19,250
I still love you,
and after many sleepless nights,
578
00:35:20,750 --> 00:35:21,833
three,
579
00:35:22,541 --> 00:35:23,875
I wanna take you back.
580
00:35:23,958 --> 00:35:25,708
I'm sorry...
581
00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:26,875
- Is that okay?
- Yeah.
582
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:29,875
- He cheated on you.
- Oh, my God. You guys...
583
00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:31,666
Yeah. I do.
584
00:35:31,750 --> 00:35:34,000
- Diddly just exploded.
- So did Vroom Vroom.
585
00:35:34,083 --> 00:35:36,250
BASH News just sent me
eight push notifications.
586
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,166
- About this?
- Yeah, look.
587
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,708
My phone just purchased
DJ Chello's latest single.
588
00:35:40,791 --> 00:35:42,875
What the...
It just did that without asking.
589
00:35:42,958 --> 00:35:45,791
I'm being told that
we have DJ Chello live on a Mugg link.
590
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:48,791
- What's he got to say for himself?
- I love the producers here.
591
00:35:48,875 --> 00:35:50,125
Hey, baby doll. Hey.
592
00:35:50,208 --> 00:35:52,083
- Hi. Hi, baby.
- He's in tears.
593
00:35:52,166 --> 00:35:54,083
- Your kid messed up bad.
- I know.
594
00:35:54,166 --> 00:35:56,666
Lady Baroque wasn't wearing
any panties in the club that night.
595
00:35:56,750 --> 00:35:58,416
- It's fine.
- I just got all crazy.
596
00:35:58,500 --> 00:36:00,416
I wasn't thinking straight.
I made a mistake.
597
00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,375
But, look, it's always been you.
598
00:36:02,458 --> 00:36:04,791
I get it. It's okay.
599
00:36:04,875 --> 00:36:07,583
I hooked up with her too,
last year at the Music Globes
600
00:36:07,666 --> 00:36:10,000
right before I ran off
with that power forward from the Nuggets,
601
00:36:10,083 --> 00:36:12,250
and none of that matters.
602
00:36:12,333 --> 00:36:15,916
What about forget breakup sex.
Try breakup relationship?
603
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,166
- That's good.
- Come on.
604
00:36:17,250 --> 00:36:20,166
Ten famous second chances
for two-timers, guys.
605
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:21,166
It's on a plate.
606
00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:25,125
I've been scared, but, honestly,
I'm not scared anymore.
607
00:36:25,208 --> 00:36:26,041
Okay.
608
00:36:26,125 --> 00:36:28,958
My little bumblebee, will you marry me?
609
00:36:29,041 --> 00:36:31,625
Oh, my God. Of course.
610
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:33,208
- Chell, of course.
- Yes!
611
00:36:33,291 --> 00:36:35,416
- Yes!
- That's sick.
612
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:36,333
Yes!
613
00:36:36,416 --> 00:36:38,791
All right, DJ Chello.
614
00:36:38,875 --> 00:36:40,875
What is happening?
615
00:36:40,958 --> 00:36:41,916
Just bought another.
616
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,916
- Who are these people again?
- They're like the biggest names...
617
00:36:46,583 --> 00:36:49,625
Well, the fireworks
have certainly gone off today.
618
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:50,875
- They have.
- What a zinger!
619
00:36:50,958 --> 00:36:52,458
Yes, they have.
620
00:36:52,541 --> 00:36:55,250
From a wedding proposal
to a little science experiment.
621
00:36:55,333 --> 00:36:57,250
I'll need a temple rub
and a martini later on.
622
00:36:57,333 --> 00:37:02,041
Our last guests today have made
a pretty big discovery in space.
623
00:37:02,125 --> 00:37:04,041
Astronomer Dr. Randall Mindy
624
00:37:04,125 --> 00:37:07,208
and PhD candidate
Miss Kate Dibiasky are here.
625
00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:08,333
Welcome to the show.
626
00:37:08,416 --> 00:37:11,583
Can I ask you one thing before we go
any further? I have to know this.
627
00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:14,208
Is there life out there?
628
00:37:14,291 --> 00:37:17,708
- Can you tell us? Yes or no, final answer.
- We don't have the data.
629
00:37:17,791 --> 00:37:19,958
But sure, in the vastness
of space, why not?
630
00:37:20,041 --> 00:37:21,541
Yes, aliens are real.
631
00:37:21,625 --> 00:37:24,166
I knew I'd like this guy.
Didn't I tell? You owe me 50 bucks.
632
00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:27,000
I'm not saying there's
little green men in flying saucers...
633
00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:30,208
- Please don't encourage him, Dr. Mindy.
- That's what he's saying.
634
00:37:30,291 --> 00:37:31,708
We'll never get out of here.
635
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,541
Now, Jack was having some fun here.
636
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,166
- Dad looks great.
- What did...
637
00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:37,583
- Doesn't he look good?
- They did something with his beard.
638
00:37:37,666 --> 00:37:39,583
With the aliens...
639
00:37:39,666 --> 00:37:41,458
Really... He really does.
640
00:37:41,541 --> 00:37:43,625
- So much.
- Dr. Randall...
641
00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:47,125
You'll regret it. Now, look,
Jack's just having some fun here
642
00:37:47,208 --> 00:37:48,875
with the aliens or whatever,
643
00:37:48,958 --> 00:37:53,250
but there's a New York Herald story
that's just come out that talks about...
644
00:37:53,333 --> 00:37:55,375
Keep it right there. You're doing good.
645
00:37:55,458 --> 00:37:57,833
- The two of you have made.
- That's right, Brie.
646
00:37:57,916 --> 00:38:00,958
Kate was observing supernovas...
647
00:38:01,041 --> 00:38:02,583
Yo, that's your girl?
648
00:38:02,666 --> 00:38:05,083
- Yeah.
- Not bad.
649
00:38:05,166 --> 00:38:09,625
An absolutely shocking
and once-in-a-lifetime discovery.
650
00:38:09,708 --> 00:38:13,000
I had no idea that Subaru made telescopes.
651
00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:16,166
This has to be exciting.
Tell us what you found, Miss Diabasky.
652
00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:20,250
I was monitoring exploding stars
653
00:38:20,333 --> 00:38:26,750
to help measure
the expansion of the universe and...
654
00:38:26,833 --> 00:38:28,875
- For your PhD, right?
- Yeah.
655
00:38:28,958 --> 00:38:33,125
I saw something I didn't recognize.
656
00:38:34,541 --> 00:38:36,041
It was a comet.
657
00:38:37,041 --> 00:38:38,166
A big one.
658
00:38:40,708 --> 00:38:44,583
It's headed directly at Earth,
and it really likely will hit.
659
00:38:45,916 --> 00:38:47,791
This sounds very, very exciting.
660
00:38:47,875 --> 00:38:50,458
Exploding stars, like,
stars actually explode.
661
00:38:50,541 --> 00:38:51,708
How big is this thing?
662
00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:54,083
Can it destroy someone's house?
Is that possible?
663
00:38:54,166 --> 00:38:57,333
Well, Comet Dibiasky, which is
what it will officially be named...
664
00:38:57,416 --> 00:38:58,833
- After her?
- Yeah, after her.
665
00:38:58,916 --> 00:39:01,583
- Congratulations.
- What an honor. Congratulations.
666
00:39:01,666 --> 00:39:04,166
It's somewhere between
six and nine kilometers across.
667
00:39:04,250 --> 00:39:05,583
- So...
- It's big.
668
00:39:05,666 --> 00:39:08,875
It would damage the entire planet.
669
00:39:08,958 --> 00:39:10,583
Not just a house, you know?
670
00:39:10,666 --> 00:39:11,708
The entire planet.
671
00:39:11,791 --> 00:39:14,708
Okay, as it's damaging,
will it hit this one house in particular
672
00:39:14,791 --> 00:39:17,875
that's right on the coast of New Jersey?
It's my ex-wife's house.
673
00:39:17,958 --> 00:39:19,208
Can we make that happen?
674
00:39:19,291 --> 00:39:21,708
You and Shelly have
a great relationship. Stop.
675
00:39:21,791 --> 00:39:23,125
You need to stop.
676
00:39:23,208 --> 00:39:26,125
I will, but in all fairness,
I actually paid for the house.
677
00:39:26,208 --> 00:39:27,500
I'm so sorry.
678
00:39:27,583 --> 00:39:30,583
I'm sorry, are we not being clear?
679
00:39:31,916 --> 00:39:33,791
We're trying to tell you
680
00:39:33,875 --> 00:39:37,291
that the entire planet
is about to be destroyed.
681
00:39:37,958 --> 00:39:40,291
- Okay...
- Well, it's, you know...
682
00:39:40,375 --> 00:39:43,625
It's something we do around here.
We just keep the bad news light.
683
00:39:43,708 --> 00:39:45,625
Right.
It helps the medicine go down.
684
00:39:45,708 --> 00:39:47,666
Speaking of medicine, tomorrow we've got...
685
00:39:47,750 --> 00:39:51,541
Well, maybe the destruction
of the entire planet
686
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:53,833
isn't supposed to be fun.
687
00:39:54,625 --> 00:39:58,250
Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying.
688
00:39:58,333 --> 00:39:59,333
And unsettling.
689
00:39:59,416 --> 00:40:01,125
No, please don't do that.
690
00:40:01,208 --> 00:40:03,333
- And you should stay up all night...
- Please.
691
00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:05,250
Every night crying,
692
00:40:05,333 --> 00:40:09,750
when we're all 100%
for sure gonna fucking die!
693
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:12,416
Hey, Kate.
694
00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:13,500
I'm sorry.
695
00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:15,708
Hey, man.
696
00:40:16,375 --> 00:40:19,708
My brother has bipolar disorder.
So if you ever need anyone to talk...
697
00:40:20,708 --> 00:40:22,583
Okay.
698
00:40:22,666 --> 00:40:25,583
Is she always like that?
699
00:40:26,291 --> 00:40:28,083
- I...
- Something I said?
700
00:40:28,166 --> 00:40:30,083
Right?
701
00:40:30,166 --> 00:40:33,625
Maybe I should have given her
that extra Xanax that I had.
702
00:40:34,791 --> 00:40:38,208
Listen, if you don't have enough,
we all have enough around here for her.
703
00:40:38,291 --> 00:40:41,166
A spoonful of Xanax
makes the medicine go down, right?
704
00:40:41,250 --> 00:40:42,916
That's right. That's good.
705
00:40:43,916 --> 00:40:47,166
- We're gonna have to get you back.
- I knew I'd like this guy.
706
00:40:47,250 --> 00:40:49,333
- Is he a plant?
- I knew it.
707
00:40:49,416 --> 00:40:50,333
Okay.
708
00:40:50,416 --> 00:40:52,791
Well, the handsome astronomer
709
00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:56,375
can come back anytime,
but the yelling lady, not so much.
710
00:40:56,458 --> 00:40:59,416
Not so much. Join us tomorrow
when our guest will be the man
711
00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:03,083
that many say will challenge
President Orlean in two years.
712
00:41:03,166 --> 00:41:05,166
Senator Jeff Lerner will be here.
713
00:41:05,250 --> 00:41:08,000
And wrongly-convicted murderer,
Michelle Weems,
714
00:41:08,083 --> 00:41:12,375
talks to us about her controversial
third-place finish on Celebrity Dance Off.
715
00:41:12,458 --> 00:41:15,833
- I thought she would've won.
- Yes. I still think she's guilty.
716
00:41:15,916 --> 00:41:18,083
- That's The Daily Rip, guys.
- Have a great day.
717
00:41:18,666 --> 00:41:20,583
- And we're out!
- The show's over?
718
00:41:20,666 --> 00:41:21,958
- I mean, didn't...
- Yeah.
719
00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:24,500
- Did what we wanted to say come across?
- No, it's over.
720
00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:28,500
You were great, but I think mullet girl,
she probably needs some media training.
721
00:41:29,625 --> 00:41:31,291
- Really?
- Yeah, no, terrible, buddy.
722
00:41:31,375 --> 00:41:33,916
Thanks. Thanks, Billy.
723
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:39,500
We usually get drinks at Aundrine's
after our five o'clock staff meeting.
724
00:41:39,583 --> 00:41:42,041
You know, it's fun. You should come.
725
00:41:42,125 --> 00:41:45,041
Oh, I'll have to see.
Thank you for the invitation. Thank you.
726
00:41:47,916 --> 00:41:49,291
Kate? Kate?
727
00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:52,250
- Hey. You were awesome.
- Oh, thanks.
728
00:41:52,333 --> 00:41:54,291
Can I get a photo of you for my portfolio?
729
00:41:54,375 --> 00:41:55,666
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.
730
00:41:55,750 --> 00:41:57,083
Thank you.
731
00:41:57,666 --> 00:41:59,166
You can see this spike here
732
00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:01,375
is when Riley Bina
asked to take DJ Chello back
733
00:42:01,458 --> 00:42:02,750
on the segment before you.
734
00:42:02,833 --> 00:42:06,041
We saw engagement across
all social media platforms.
735
00:42:06,125 --> 00:42:08,916
And what about our story?
736
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,958
Randall and Kate,
737
00:42:12,041 --> 00:42:15,750
your TV appearance got some nice traffic
when Miss Dibiasky cursed.
738
00:42:15,833 --> 00:42:19,041
But, unfortunately,
there was an immediate backlash
739
00:42:19,125 --> 00:42:20,833
that quickly became a meme.
740
00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:22,208
Oh, Jesus.
741
00:42:22,875 --> 00:42:26,250
- Oh, that's terrible.
- They just think I'm crazy.
742
00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:29,333
I mean, look at that.
That's so unnecessary.
743
00:42:30,708 --> 00:42:33,125
- You can move on, Erin.
- Yeah.
744
00:42:33,208 --> 00:42:35,916
That is just so...
Is that even allowed on the internet or...
745
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,625
I think that's Photoshop, Kate.
746
00:42:37,708 --> 00:42:40,083
The trick is
to not take it personal...
747
00:42:40,166 --> 00:42:44,458
Dr. Mindy, on the other hand,
had some very high favorables.
748
00:42:44,541 --> 00:42:49,125
Vegan*Babe wrote...
Meow! Me likey hunky Star Man.
749
00:42:49,208 --> 00:42:52,208
Some accounts called him
The Bedroom Eyes Doomsday Prophet
750
00:42:52,291 --> 00:42:55,083
or A-I-L-F, which means
astronomer I'd like to fuck.
751
00:42:56,125 --> 00:42:58,666
I don't see what that has
to do with anything, do you?
752
00:42:59,375 --> 00:43:02,500
And that's everything.
753
00:43:02,583 --> 00:43:05,666
We did not feature or push on any sites,
754
00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:09,083
and clicks overall were below
basic weather and traffic stories.
755
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:12,500
So that... that... that's it?
756
00:43:12,583 --> 00:43:14,333
- I knew it.
- That's it.
757
00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:17,833
- Thank you, Erin.
- Yeah, no problem.
758
00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:20,750
I don't... I don't understand.
759
00:43:20,833 --> 00:43:22,666
I don't understand. There's no response.
760
00:43:22,750 --> 00:43:27,375
There's absolutely no...
Why aren't people terrified?
761
00:43:27,458 --> 00:43:29,458
What do we have to say?
What do we have to do?
762
00:43:29,541 --> 00:43:32,916
There are scientists in Mexico and Spain
who are currently going through the data,
763
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,708
and South Korea has expressed...
764
00:43:34,791 --> 00:43:36,500
- That's great. South Korea.
- Hey.
765
00:43:36,583 --> 00:43:39,041
Let us not bullshit each other.
766
00:43:39,125 --> 00:43:42,791
The bottom line is,
you guys told us the science was 100%.
767
00:43:42,875 --> 00:43:44,625
It's not. Now we look like idiots.
768
00:43:44,708 --> 00:43:47,291
- No. Who said the science is not 100%?
- Excuse me?
769
00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:50,250
I wanna talk to this person.
You tell me who said the science...
770
00:43:50,333 --> 00:43:53,333
Dr. Jocelyn Calder, the head of NASA,
771
00:43:53,416 --> 00:43:56,625
just came out calling it
more near-miss hysteria.
772
00:43:56,708 --> 00:43:58,625
She's the one
who told us not to say anything.
773
00:43:58,708 --> 00:44:00,083
More near-miss hysteria.
774
00:44:00,166 --> 00:44:01,291
Is she even an astronomer?
775
00:44:01,375 --> 00:44:04,458
She's the head of NASA, but maybe
she doesn't know what she's talking about.
776
00:44:04,541 --> 00:44:05,958
She's the head of NASA, but look,
777
00:44:06,041 --> 00:44:09,875
she's a former anesthesiologist
and a President Orlean super donor.
778
00:44:09,958 --> 00:44:11,583
Let's not be dramatic here.
779
00:44:11,666 --> 00:44:12,666
It's all corrupt.
780
00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:16,416
Yes, but the point is that Adul's right.
There's still serious debate.
781
00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:18,708
And now the Herald has egg on its face.
782
00:44:18,791 --> 00:44:20,916
We've taken that story as far as it goes.
783
00:44:21,666 --> 00:44:25,625
Ladies, gentlemen,
I wish you a very pleasant end of times.
784
00:44:25,708 --> 00:44:27,708
It's not a goddamn story, okay?
785
00:44:30,208 --> 00:44:32,916
We have precisely six months, ten days,
786
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,250
two hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds,
787
00:44:36,333 --> 00:44:39,000
until a comet twice the size of Chicxulub
788
00:44:39,083 --> 00:44:41,833
tears through our atmosphere
and extincts all life on Earth.
789
00:44:41,916 --> 00:44:44,833
When did you
do those calculations?
790
00:44:45,666 --> 00:44:48,250
I put the moment of impact on a diet app.
791
00:44:48,333 --> 00:44:51,958
So, impact is when my diet ends.
792
00:44:52,041 --> 00:44:56,125
Only I'm not on a diet.
I'm just crying five times a day.
793
00:44:56,208 --> 00:44:58,125
- I'm scared.
- Hey, come on. Come on.
794
00:44:58,833 --> 00:45:01,416
Everyone should be
panicking right now, okay?
795
00:45:01,500 --> 00:45:03,416
- Don't cry. Come on.
- I know.
796
00:45:06,833 --> 00:45:08,291
That prick!
797
00:45:16,500 --> 00:45:17,666
What happened?
798
00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:20,083
Guess my boyfriend just broke up with me.
799
00:45:20,166 --> 00:45:24,500
God, what a day. What a day...
800
00:45:32,666 --> 00:45:35,958
You're gonna die!
You're gonna die! You're...
801
00:45:46,291 --> 00:45:49,708
It started with
a photo many thought was an armpit
802
00:45:49,791 --> 00:45:52,458
or the chin of a man with a strange beard.
803
00:45:52,541 --> 00:45:54,833
But what's emerging now is a scandal...
804
00:45:54,916 --> 00:45:57,833
President Orlean sent
her Supreme Court nominee
805
00:45:57,916 --> 00:46:00,583
a cell phone picture of her private parts.
806
00:46:00,666 --> 00:46:02,708
- Holy crap!
- It's clickbait material.
807
00:46:02,791 --> 00:46:05,250
Is this what you want
in your country as a leader?
808
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:07,708
Isn't she the same person
who told poor people
809
00:46:07,791 --> 00:46:11,833
that if they don't wanna be poor,
they should pick better lottery numbers?
810
00:46:11,916 --> 00:46:12,958
She actually said that.
811
00:46:13,041 --> 00:46:14,541
A source also confirmed to me that
812
00:46:14,625 --> 00:46:16,750
the two have been
having an affair for years.
813
00:46:16,833 --> 00:46:18,416
And as recently as yesterday...
814
00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,583
Members of my party
are currently drawing up a formal censure
815
00:46:22,666 --> 00:46:23,625
of the president,
816
00:46:24,583 --> 00:46:25,500
Janie Orlean...
817
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:26,916
Oh, my God, honey.
818
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,791
This guy doesn't even know
what a heliocentric orbit is,
819
00:46:29,875 --> 00:46:32,625
and he's calling me a crackpot.
820
00:46:32,708 --> 00:46:33,708
He says that,
821
00:46:34,541 --> 00:46:38,166
Jewish billionaires
invented this comet threat
822
00:46:38,250 --> 00:46:42,125
so the government
can confiscate our liberty and our guns.
823
00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:45,500
#DontBeScared. Unbelievable.
824
00:46:46,208 --> 00:46:47,041
My God.
825
00:46:47,125 --> 00:46:49,041
You've been on that site a lot lately.
826
00:46:49,625 --> 00:46:54,833
Yeah. I mean, I... I have, like,
a quarter million subscribers, honey.
827
00:46:54,916 --> 00:46:57,875
I gotta use my voice
to get the truth out there, right?
828
00:46:58,833 --> 00:47:01,916
I'm going for a walk
if you wanna come.
829
00:47:05,208 --> 00:47:07,750
It is called
the scientific method...
830
00:47:08,750 --> 00:47:11,666
and it is what created the computer
831
00:47:11,750 --> 00:47:16,666
that you are typing
your half-witted conspiracy theories on.
832
00:47:18,125 --> 00:47:19,708
What do you think about that?
833
00:47:20,750 --> 00:47:21,958
Randall?
834
00:47:22,750 --> 00:47:25,250
- Yeah, honey?
- Someone's here to see you.
835
00:47:25,916 --> 00:47:28,083
Who? Oh, boy.
836
00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:32,500
Oh, my gosh.
837
00:47:33,541 --> 00:47:35,458
Oh, God, right. Okay.
838
00:47:36,541 --> 00:47:37,375
Right.
839
00:47:37,875 --> 00:47:39,166
Are you Dr. Randall Mindy?
840
00:47:39,250 --> 00:47:40,416
Yes, sir. I am.
841
00:47:41,791 --> 00:47:43,833
We're all gonna die.
842
00:47:43,916 --> 00:47:45,708
Fuck off, please.
843
00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:51,958
FBI! Freeze! Get on your knees right now!
Get on your knees!
844
00:47:52,708 --> 00:47:55,500
You're under arrest
for breach of national security secrets.
845
00:47:55,583 --> 00:47:56,458
Jesus Christ!
846
00:47:56,541 --> 00:48:00,125
You could've just called me
or showed up to my apartment.
847
00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:03,208
What are you, dressed up as a blind guy?
848
00:48:05,666 --> 00:48:08,583
- Get on the ground!
- Okay. Now be cool.
849
00:48:09,541 --> 00:48:12,083
I just have
more skin pigmentation than you.
850
00:48:12,166 --> 00:48:15,083
'Cause your ancestors
migrated to Northern Europe
851
00:48:15,166 --> 00:48:17,250
and developed lighter skin
so as to not get...
852
00:48:19,500 --> 00:48:22,958
Unless you assholes
are taking me to the Batcave,
853
00:48:23,041 --> 00:48:24,791
fuck you for putting this hood on me.
854
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,541
Watch out for him.
He'll charge you for free shit.
855
00:48:30,208 --> 00:48:32,583
What's he doing here?
Is he here for us?
856
00:48:33,250 --> 00:48:34,625
Gentlemen, you can come in.
857
00:48:39,208 --> 00:48:41,541
I think
it was Winston Churchill who...
858
00:48:41,625 --> 00:48:47,500
Or maybe it was Bobby Knight
who said, the great labor of leadership
859
00:48:47,583 --> 00:48:51,083
is to lay down one's yoke of pride
860
00:48:51,833 --> 00:48:54,791
and admit that mistakes were made.
861
00:48:54,875 --> 00:48:58,041
You were deceived,
as was I, but the end result was,
862
00:48:58,125 --> 00:49:01,791
we had our scientists who went to
the prestigious schools of Harvard,
863
00:49:01,875 --> 00:49:03,000
Princeton, et cetera.
864
00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:08,416
They confirmed the data.
So we would like to offer you a...
865
00:49:09,916 --> 00:49:12,000
presidential apology.
866
00:49:12,083 --> 00:49:13,000
Really?
867
00:49:13,750 --> 00:49:16,625
And we are fully prepared to mobilize
868
00:49:16,708 --> 00:49:19,583
in historic fashion
in order to save this planet.
869
00:49:21,666 --> 00:49:23,875
The best news
we've heard in a long time.
870
00:49:23,958 --> 00:49:27,541
So, basically, what you're saying is
871
00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:31,458
you're about to lose the midterms
'cause you got caught
872
00:49:31,541 --> 00:49:35,625
sending pictures of your cooch
to your porn-star sheriff boyfriend.
873
00:49:35,708 --> 00:49:39,625
So now it's to your advantage
to act on the comet?
874
00:49:41,541 --> 00:49:42,708
Right.
875
00:49:42,791 --> 00:49:44,041
Okay.
876
00:49:44,666 --> 00:49:46,000
Okay. I'm just...
877
00:49:47,791 --> 00:49:51,041
God, I'm so relieved
that you guys are doing something.
878
00:49:51,125 --> 00:49:54,708
- Hey, come on. Hey.
- This has been really...
879
00:49:54,791 --> 00:49:56,958
- Really, really hard.
- Come here.
880
00:49:57,041 --> 00:50:00,166
This has been really, really,
really stressful on all of us.
881
00:50:00,250 --> 00:50:01,291
Yes, I will agree.
882
00:50:01,375 --> 00:50:03,583
This will take some
heavy weight off all of us...
883
00:50:03,666 --> 00:50:06,583
Sorry, you just look
so bad when you cry.
884
00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:08,458
Maybe, possibly.
885
00:50:08,541 --> 00:50:10,458
People are gonna ask
why we didn't act earlier.
886
00:50:10,541 --> 00:50:12,958
So you're gonna have
to take the hit on this one.
887
00:50:13,041 --> 00:50:16,083
Yeah, but we'll take care
of you down the road, Jocelyn.
888
00:50:16,750 --> 00:50:18,375
- We will.
- Of course, Janie.
889
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,500
I will resign in disgrace
first thing tomorrow.
890
00:50:21,583 --> 00:50:24,291
- Good. Yeah, good.
- That's weird as hell.
891
00:50:24,375 --> 00:50:26,458
She's an anesthesiologist.
892
00:50:26,541 --> 00:50:29,541
I'm going to make a statement,
893
00:50:29,625 --> 00:50:32,166
presidential statement
to the American people.
894
00:50:32,250 --> 00:50:35,041
And we're not gonna tell
the press about it ahead of time
895
00:50:35,125 --> 00:50:37,916
because that way
it will have the appearance
896
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,666
of a breaking emergency sort of...
897
00:50:39,750 --> 00:50:42,166
Good things
come to those who wait.
898
00:50:42,250 --> 00:50:44,166
See?
899
00:50:45,458 --> 00:50:47,125
Oh, my God!
900
00:50:50,125 --> 00:50:53,166
We interrupt this broadcast
of Jackpot Fiancé
901
00:50:53,250 --> 00:50:56,500
for an emergency message
from the president of the United States.
902
00:50:59,916 --> 00:51:02,875
Citizens of the United States
and peoples of the world,
903
00:51:03,458 --> 00:51:04,791
I have just been handed
904
00:51:04,875 --> 00:51:09,000
scientific findings that
confirm a worst-case scenario.
905
00:51:10,625 --> 00:51:14,833
An unprecedented comet,
nine kilometers wide,
906
00:51:14,916 --> 00:51:21,333
is now on a direct collision course
with our cherished home, planet Earth.
907
00:51:21,416 --> 00:51:24,666
Estimated time of arrival
is approximately five months from now.
908
00:51:24,750 --> 00:51:25,666
So we have...
909
00:51:25,750 --> 00:51:27,958
We've drawn up a massive
Congressional spending bill...
910
00:51:28,041 --> 00:51:31,791
I have already put together an emergency
spending package for Congress...
911
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:34,083
That the Senate
and the House have agreed upon.
912
00:51:34,166 --> 00:51:35,000
That's good to hear.
913
00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:39,166
And that will enable NASA
and our great military
914
00:51:39,250 --> 00:51:41,083
to launch a preemptive strike,
915
00:51:42,541 --> 00:51:46,250
using decommissioned
space shuttles and satellites
916
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:49,041
loaded with nuclear explosives.
917
00:51:49,125 --> 00:51:53,333
We will blow Comet Dibiasky
off her course...
918
00:51:53,416 --> 00:51:55,458
But we're gonna need a hero.
919
00:51:55,541 --> 00:51:58,791
We're gonna need a pilot, real guns and...
920
00:51:58,875 --> 00:52:02,250
Shouldn't this mission be accomplished
using remote technology?
921
00:52:02,333 --> 00:52:04,541
Washington's always gotta have a hero.
922
00:52:04,625 --> 00:52:06,000
I have asked
923
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:13,000
Medal of Freedom recipient
and outspoken patriot, Benedict Drask,
924
00:52:13,083 --> 00:52:16,250
to undertake this difficult and...
925
00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:18,958
I'm sorry.
Isn't he the mercenary gentleman
926
00:52:19,041 --> 00:52:22,416
that was screaming at all those children
on the White House lawn?
927
00:52:22,500 --> 00:52:25,916
Yeah.
He was given the honor of leading
928
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:29,333
the presidential initiative
in getting kids to exercise.
929
00:52:29,416 --> 00:52:31,250
Get a little air into it, you lard-ass...
930
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,333
You look like a goddamn bunch of pussies.
931
00:52:34,416 --> 00:52:36,666
- I'm sorry.
- He's just of another generation.
932
00:52:36,750 --> 00:52:38,083
You know, I used to date him.
933
00:52:38,166 --> 00:52:41,375
Know what happened to the last pussy
I worked with in combat?
934
00:52:41,458 --> 00:52:43,250
You ever see inside a man's torso?
935
00:52:47,416 --> 00:52:49,541
Benedict Drask reporting for duty.
936
00:52:51,708 --> 00:52:53,791
- Thank you for the...
- He's gonna be fantastic.
937
00:52:53,875 --> 00:52:55,458
He's got a great voice.
938
00:52:55,541 --> 00:52:58,166
- We're gonna let him make a statement.
- Some are saying this is a...
939
00:52:58,250 --> 00:52:59,625
He's got a great body too.
940
00:52:59,708 --> 00:53:01,250
- He does.
- Yeah.
941
00:53:01,333 --> 00:53:02,958
Suicide mission.
942
00:53:03,041 --> 00:53:04,458
Well, all I ask is,
943
00:53:05,541 --> 00:53:06,875
if I get snuffed,
944
00:53:08,041 --> 00:53:11,458
that you all earn
the extra living my sacrifice gives you.
945
00:53:11,541 --> 00:53:14,000
The extra living
my sacrifice gives them.
946
00:53:14,625 --> 00:53:16,500
- Right?
- I wrote that.
947
00:53:16,583 --> 00:53:18,708
Isn't that from Saving Private Ryan?
948
00:53:18,791 --> 00:53:21,708
- Yes.
- No, that's something totally different.
949
00:53:21,791 --> 00:53:25,500
And special thanks should also go
to this team of scientists behind me...
950
00:53:25,583 --> 00:53:28,250
We're gonna need
everybody's help on this.
951
00:53:28,333 --> 00:53:30,208
Everybody.
952
00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:33,916
All have to pitch in
and push out this message.
953
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,458
African-American scientist.
954
00:53:35,541 --> 00:53:37,125
Miss Dibiasky, she...
955
00:53:37,208 --> 00:53:40,583
And we have Kate Dibiasky,
who the comet is named after,
956
00:53:40,666 --> 00:53:42,458
but don't blame her.
957
00:53:42,541 --> 00:53:46,166
Connects with the disaffected youth
and the mentally ill.
958
00:53:46,250 --> 00:53:48,125
- And other marginal groups.
- Thank you.
959
00:53:48,208 --> 00:53:51,500
- We'll do whatever we can.
- As long as you do the right thing.
960
00:53:51,583 --> 00:53:52,916
We're there for you.
961
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,250
Especially you, Dr. Mindy,
because you poll so much higher
962
00:53:56,333 --> 00:53:58,666
than your colleagues.
It's wild.
963
00:53:58,750 --> 00:54:04,250
He will help us destroy
our common enemy, Dibiasky.
964
00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:07,041
Wonderful. Well, I think we're done.
965
00:54:07,125 --> 00:54:08,666
Yep, okay. Let's go.
966
00:54:08,750 --> 00:54:10,291
Can I say something?
967
00:54:10,375 --> 00:54:12,583
We've been dying to hear
what you gotta say.
968
00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:14,375
I didn't vote for you.
969
00:54:16,541 --> 00:54:22,708
But this is obviously
much bigger than my misgivings.
970
00:54:22,791 --> 00:54:27,125
So I will be 100% behind this effort.
971
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,791
No matter how offensive I may find you.
972
00:54:31,875 --> 00:54:34,375
That's great.
973
00:54:34,458 --> 00:54:36,291
Yeah. That's really nice.
974
00:54:36,375 --> 00:54:39,208
You know, I did have the FBI
put that bag over your head.
975
00:54:39,291 --> 00:54:42,291
They don't do that.
The CIA does, but I made them do it.
976
00:54:42,375 --> 00:54:45,083
You know, I had a feeling. I really did.
977
00:54:45,958 --> 00:54:48,416
It's a good feeling
'cause that is what I did.
978
00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:51,291
- And it was very funny and cool.
- Okay.
979
00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:55,458
May Jesus Christ
bless every single one of you,
980
00:54:56,208 --> 00:54:59,333
especially the honorable members
of my own party.
981
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:01,125
We will prevail.
982
00:55:31,708 --> 00:55:35,208
We're all gonna die!
983
00:55:35,291 --> 00:55:38,083
Guys, this comet
is seriously stressing me out.
984
00:55:38,166 --> 00:55:40,250
Well, it's coming. People gotta dig in.
985
00:55:40,333 --> 00:55:42,708
I already got buyers
for these shovels on e-market.
986
00:55:42,791 --> 00:55:46,833
Clean sweep for President Orlean
in these midterm elections.
987
00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,250
- How hot he is.
- Thousand bucks a pop.
988
00:55:53,375 --> 00:55:56,916
Discharge the duties
on which I am about to enter.
989
00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:58,083
So help you God.
990
00:55:58,166 --> 00:56:00,416
- So help me God.
- Congratulations.
991
00:56:01,708 --> 00:56:05,458
We have talk of
a Nobel Peace Prize in the offing.
992
00:56:05,541 --> 00:56:08,833
He's not hot.
993
00:56:23,750 --> 00:56:25,041
Hello, Sammy.
994
00:56:25,125 --> 00:56:28,416
Are you really a doctor?
995
00:56:28,500 --> 00:56:31,750
Well, sort of. I'm an astronomer.
996
00:56:31,833 --> 00:56:35,833
What is an astronomer?
997
00:56:35,916 --> 00:56:38,708
Dr. Mindy, there is
a lot of fear out there,
998
00:56:38,791 --> 00:56:40,541
in America, around the world.
999
00:56:40,625 --> 00:56:42,708
Parents don't know
what to say to their kids.
1000
00:56:42,791 --> 00:56:45,291
What would you say to them
to help them understand?
1001
00:56:45,375 --> 00:56:48,791
Well, I'm sure many of us
are frightened right now.
1002
00:56:49,458 --> 00:56:55,708
But I can assure you, our best
and our brightest, they're on the job.
1003
00:56:56,250 --> 00:57:00,458
I've seen the science
on this plan and it is sound.
1004
00:57:00,541 --> 00:57:05,208
I know your words are a great comfort
to all our viewers, Dr. Randall,
1005
00:57:05,291 --> 00:57:09,416
and we thank you
for your courage and your service.
1006
00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:11,166
I'd just like to say
1007
00:57:11,791 --> 00:57:16,541
that whenever
I feel afraid or alone in this, I...
1008
00:57:17,833 --> 00:57:21,000
I think of you and I just...
I feel better.
1009
00:57:21,083 --> 00:57:22,375
So thank you.
1010
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,375
That's my job.
1011
00:57:35,458 --> 00:57:37,583
- Tell me we're all gonna die.
- What?
1012
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:42,500
- Tell me we're all gonna die, do it.
- We're all gonna die.
1013
00:57:42,583 --> 00:57:43,708
Oh, boy.
1014
00:57:43,791 --> 00:57:47,375
So, these two Marxists
wave around the word science
1015
00:57:47,458 --> 00:57:49,583
and we're all supposed
to do whatever they say?
1016
00:57:49,666 --> 00:57:52,291
Yeah, how do we know
there even is a comet?
1017
00:57:52,375 --> 00:57:56,125
Mr. Pawketty, Congressman,
this data has been proven
1018
00:57:56,208 --> 00:58:00,458
and has been peer-reviewed
by hundreds of world-renowned scientists.
1019
00:58:00,541 --> 00:58:04,541
And we're supposed to trust you?
The comet's got your name.
1020
00:58:05,958 --> 00:58:07,916
I don't... I don't see the relevancy.
1021
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,791
Why won't you
answer the question?
1022
00:58:09,875 --> 00:58:11,916
- Answer the question.
- What's the question?
1023
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:13,125
Grow up here, okay?
1024
00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:14,416
This is ridiculous.
1025
00:58:16,416 --> 00:58:20,416
I've just realized, we don't really know
anything about each other. Do we?
1026
00:58:22,125 --> 00:58:23,083
True.
1027
00:58:24,291 --> 00:58:27,666
Well, every time I try
to ask you about your life,
1028
00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:31,416
you seem to just tell me
about your favorite restaurants.
1029
00:58:32,375 --> 00:58:33,541
Well, I... You know...
1030
00:58:34,250 --> 00:58:36,041
I just despise the, you know,
1031
00:58:36,125 --> 00:58:38,291
getting-to-know-you part
of relationships, so...
1032
00:58:38,958 --> 00:58:41,000
Oh, okay. I understand.
1033
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,208
Okay, let's just
get it over and done with.
1034
00:58:47,708 --> 00:58:48,916
Okay...
1035
00:58:49,958 --> 00:58:51,708
Right, so...
1036
00:58:52,375 --> 00:58:56,833
My grandfather invented
the flash-freezing process.
1037
00:58:56,916 --> 00:58:59,166
So I come from grotesque money,
1038
00:58:59,250 --> 00:59:03,500
but I got away from it
by getting three masters degrees.
1039
00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:07,125
I've been divorced twice.
1040
00:59:07,208 --> 00:59:13,708
One was a Secretary of State,
and the other one was a sport fisherman.
1041
00:59:13,791 --> 00:59:19,666
I have slept
with two former presidents.
1042
00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:24,583
I speak four languages,
and I own two Monets.
1043
00:59:27,750 --> 00:59:29,958
Two former presidents.
1044
00:59:31,958 --> 00:59:33,875
- What, my turn?
- Yeah.
1045
00:59:33,958 --> 00:59:40,250
All right. My father was
a middle school geography teacher.
1046
00:59:40,333 --> 00:59:43,583
My mother,
she cut hair out of the kitchen.
1047
00:59:43,666 --> 00:59:47,500
About two years ago,
our family dog, JoJo, died,
1048
00:59:47,583 --> 00:59:49,583
which was really, really emotional.
1049
00:59:49,666 --> 00:59:53,041
I can't remember crying that much ever.
1050
00:59:54,583 --> 00:59:55,541
And...
1051
00:59:57,250 --> 01:00:02,541
I finally got my Star Wars poster
signed by Mark Hamill.
1052
01:00:02,625 --> 01:00:04,708
It's in the garage. It's... So, yeah.
1053
01:00:05,583 --> 01:00:07,666
Okay, good.
1054
01:00:09,958 --> 01:00:10,958
That's done.
1055
01:00:15,666 --> 01:00:17,958
Where are we gonna go for dinner tonight?
1056
01:00:26,333 --> 01:00:28,916
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
1057
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,750
He makes me to lie down in green pastures.
1058
01:00:31,833 --> 01:00:36,083
He leads me beside the quiet waters.
He restores my soul.
1059
01:00:36,166 --> 01:00:39,583
Not since D-Day have we seen
such a mass mobilization
1060
01:00:39,666 --> 01:00:43,416
of unions and resources
for such a noble task.
1061
01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,916
One cannot help but be moved
by the bravery, ingenuity,
1062
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,083
and sacrifice on display here.
1063
01:01:09,541 --> 01:01:12,125
Okay, here we go, everyone.
Let's stay sharp.
1064
01:01:14,041 --> 01:01:17,416
I just want you to know,
this is the most propulsive thing
1065
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:20,041
that's ever happened to me. Thank you.
1066
01:01:33,333 --> 01:01:36,541
What's the holdup, you guys?
What are you waiting on?
1067
01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:40,625
Come on, motherfuckers,
let's light this fucking firecracker, huh?
1068
01:01:41,166 --> 01:01:42,541
Think I got all day?
1069
01:01:42,625 --> 01:01:47,208
Commander Drask,
this is your president speaking.
1070
01:01:48,458 --> 01:01:50,333
Your nation thanks you.
1071
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:52,708
Your planet thanks you.
1072
01:01:53,416 --> 01:01:55,875
And God and I thank you.
1073
01:01:56,583 --> 01:01:59,208
Listen, the only thanks I need
is a shot of Jack Daniels.
1074
01:01:59,291 --> 01:02:03,208
And a couple DUIs to magically go away.
1075
01:02:05,083 --> 01:02:08,916
This is Mission Control.
All indicators are coming up green.
1076
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,416
This is a final warning
to control the launchpad.
1077
01:02:11,500 --> 01:02:17,208
Your discovery led to this mission
and our chance to save Earth.
1078
01:02:18,375 --> 01:02:19,666
I give you...
1079
01:02:22,041 --> 01:02:23,041
the honor.
1080
01:02:28,458 --> 01:02:29,458
Thank you.
1081
01:02:31,666 --> 01:02:34,958
Thank you,
Madam President.
1082
01:02:36,458 --> 01:02:38,833
Citizens of planet Earth,
1083
01:02:39,875 --> 01:02:43,041
everything is theoretically impossible
1084
01:02:43,708 --> 01:02:45,125
until it is done.
1085
01:02:46,250 --> 01:02:47,541
And with that,
1086
01:02:47,625 --> 01:02:49,750
we are go for launch.
1087
01:02:49,833 --> 01:02:50,708
Yes.
1088
01:02:50,791 --> 01:02:52,458
- That's fire.
- Thank you.
1089
01:02:52,541 --> 01:02:53,541
It was lit.
1090
01:02:55,833 --> 01:02:58,083
Hey, everyone, mind if I join?
1091
01:02:59,125 --> 01:03:01,000
- Hello.
- Hello, Peter. Hi.
1092
01:03:01,083 --> 01:03:04,708
Hi. Oh, Brie, you look fabulous.
1093
01:03:04,791 --> 01:03:05,791
As always.
1094
01:03:06,958 --> 01:03:08,333
Is he allowed to be in here?
1095
01:03:08,416 --> 01:03:12,291
Yeah, he's a Platinum Eagle level donor
to the campaign. He has full clearance.
1096
01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:14,000
Launch mission array.
1097
01:03:14,083 --> 01:03:17,625
Molly kicking in right now.
Timed that shit perfect.
1098
01:03:17,708 --> 01:03:20,666
Ten, nine, eight...
1099
01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:24,791
seven, six, five, four...
1100
01:03:24,875 --> 01:03:26,125
Three...
1101
01:03:40,541 --> 01:03:41,750
Thank God!
1102
01:04:00,083 --> 01:04:03,541
<i>Oh, Susannah,
don't you cry for me</i>
1103
01:04:03,625 --> 01:04:07,958
<i>I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee, hey!</i>
1104
01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:11,583
We didn't lose
any satellites.
1105
01:04:11,666 --> 01:04:14,916
Margin of error
was for two to malfunction.
1106
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:19,166
Hey, Madam President, may I have a word
with you outside for a moment, please?
1107
01:04:19,791 --> 01:04:20,916
Oh, my God.
1108
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:23,791
Mission success probability
is already increased to 81%.
1109
01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:25,875
Outstanding.
1110
01:04:26,583 --> 01:04:27,750
Janie, now!
1111
01:04:27,833 --> 01:04:30,583
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
1112
01:04:30,666 --> 01:04:32,250
Peter, I didn't mean...
1113
01:04:36,500 --> 01:04:41,708
And a big hello to that beautiful
blue ball down there we all call home.
1114
01:04:42,208 --> 01:04:45,625
All those proud white folks working hard.
1115
01:04:46,125 --> 01:04:47,083
God bless you.
1116
01:04:47,875 --> 01:04:50,125
Just a different generation. Yeah.
1117
01:04:50,791 --> 01:04:53,666
I also wanna say hello
to all the Indians out there.
1118
01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:54,833
Both kinds.
1119
01:04:54,916 --> 01:04:59,041
You know, the ones with the elephants
and the ones with the bow and arrows.
1120
01:04:59,708 --> 01:05:01,500
Hey, why haven't you guys ever teamed up?
1121
01:05:01,583 --> 01:05:03,458
How cool would that be, huh?
1122
01:05:03,541 --> 01:05:05,458
I wanna say hello
to all the gays out there.
1123
01:05:05,541 --> 01:05:07,875
Commander, booster ejection is imminent.
1124
01:05:07,958 --> 01:05:10,208
- Let's keep comm on mission.
- Roger that.
1125
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:22,666
Separation confirmed.
1126
01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:24,500
Separation confirmed.
1127
01:05:29,083 --> 01:05:30,166
Was that French?
1128
01:05:31,458 --> 01:05:37,000
Yes, it is. It means, the angels soar
to the heavens. It's...
1129
01:05:38,333 --> 01:05:42,458
It's from a 14th-century poem
I studied in Dartmouth.
1130
01:05:42,541 --> 01:05:45,875
And just watching this,
it just made me think of it,
1131
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:48,416
and think of you.
1132
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:50,500
God, I can't...
1133
01:05:51,375 --> 01:05:52,333
can't...
1134
01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:04,125
Go! Go! Go!
1135
01:06:05,791 --> 01:06:08,666
I think I probably should go
to the hospital and see what they...
1136
01:06:08,750 --> 01:06:10,708
Launch challenge!
1137
01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:13,666
Go! Go! Go!
1138
01:06:17,458 --> 01:06:19,583
Everyone, I have just received
1139
01:06:19,666 --> 01:06:23,416
some critical information
concerning our mission.
1140
01:06:32,625 --> 01:06:34,291
Looks like it's turning around.
1141
01:06:37,125 --> 01:06:40,250
No, it's not. It's a course correction.
1142
01:06:40,333 --> 01:06:41,875
It's pretty standard.
1143
01:06:41,958 --> 01:06:43,416
I was in the Navy.
1144
01:06:45,083 --> 01:06:47,375
Nope. It's turning around.
1145
01:06:47,458 --> 01:06:51,166
Seems to be
some confusion here amongst the crowd,
1146
01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:52,875
but I'm not gonna lie to you.
1147
01:06:52,958 --> 01:06:55,916
This reporter
is at a loss for words right now.
1148
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:59,208
It's definitely turning around.
1149
01:06:59,291 --> 01:07:01,416
I'm looking straight at it.
1150
01:07:01,500 --> 01:07:05,500
Drask's ship is definitely turning around.
1151
01:07:07,916 --> 01:07:10,291
Does anyone know
what the fuck just happened?
1152
01:07:16,208 --> 01:07:17,583
It's still locked.
1153
01:07:17,666 --> 01:07:20,375
I just don't... I don't understand
what could've happened.
1154
01:07:20,458 --> 01:07:23,250
I mean, the mission was working, right?
Everything was on track.
1155
01:07:23,333 --> 01:07:26,166
Yeah. I mean,
it could've been anything...
1156
01:07:26,250 --> 01:07:31,958
Guidance system could've malfunctioned,
nuke destabilized, myriad of things.
1157
01:07:32,583 --> 01:07:35,625
Who was that guy that walked into
the Situation Room? He looked familiar.
1158
01:07:35,708 --> 01:07:42,083
That was Peter Isherwell, CEO of BASH,
and the third richest human ever.
1159
01:07:42,166 --> 01:07:46,125
He's the guy that bought
the Gutenberg Bible and lost it.
1160
01:07:47,416 --> 01:07:48,916
Sorry to keep you waiting.
1161
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,833
Things are extremely fluid.
1162
01:07:53,291 --> 01:07:56,916
Dr. Randall, you are now the Chief
Science Advisor to the White House.
1163
01:07:57,000 --> 01:07:57,833
What?
1164
01:07:57,916 --> 01:08:00,666
As such, you need to attend
an emergency Cabinet meeting
1165
01:08:00,750 --> 01:08:02,000
where you will be debriefed.
1166
01:08:02,083 --> 01:08:03,083
What about us?
1167
01:08:03,666 --> 01:08:06,166
You do not have clearance
for this, sweetheart. Don't trip.
1168
01:08:06,250 --> 01:08:09,000
Got you some crackers, some waters.
1169
01:08:09,083 --> 01:08:10,750
You don't need to throw it on the floor.
1170
01:08:10,833 --> 01:08:12,375
Gonna be three, four hours, tops.
1171
01:08:12,458 --> 01:08:15,583
Here, Kate. I don't know
why he threw 'em down. Here.
1172
01:08:15,666 --> 01:08:17,750
What if we have to go to the bathroom?
1173
01:08:17,833 --> 01:08:21,250
We'll lay out some newspaper for you.
Grab you a can of Febreze.
1174
01:08:21,333 --> 01:08:23,208
Short, sweet
and simple science.
1175
01:08:23,291 --> 01:08:24,958
I'll be back. All right. Come on.
1176
01:08:25,041 --> 01:08:27,083
Science tells the truth, Randall.
1177
01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:30,500
Fuck. Do you wanna come?
1178
01:08:30,583 --> 01:08:31,500
Yeah.
1179
01:08:33,625 --> 01:08:35,625
Ladies and gentlemen,
what we thought,
1180
01:08:35,708 --> 01:08:40,708
what the world thought
was an impending and terrifying danger,
1181
01:08:41,916 --> 01:08:44,625
turns out to be
an astonishing opportunity.
1182
01:08:44,708 --> 01:08:47,166
Our allies are very confused
and demanding answers...
1183
01:08:47,250 --> 01:08:48,541
Well, tell 'em to wait.
1184
01:08:49,583 --> 01:08:54,666
According to the most recent
spectrometer readings of Comet Dibiasky,
1185
01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:57,833
made by the astrogeologists
at BASH Cellular,
1186
01:08:59,583 --> 01:09:01,291
we've discovered something.
1187
01:09:02,250 --> 01:09:05,000
Something truly miraculous.
1188
01:09:06,458 --> 01:09:08,125
Peter. Peter?
1189
01:09:08,208 --> 01:09:10,000
Oh, thank you, Janie.
1190
01:09:12,208 --> 01:09:14,708
As... As some of you may know,
1191
01:09:14,791 --> 01:09:17,541
the most valuable minerals in the world
1192
01:09:17,625 --> 01:09:19,750
are fast becoming those that are deployed
1193
01:09:19,833 --> 01:09:24,000
in the manufacture
of cell phones and computers.
1194
01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:27,583
Yttrium, terbium, osmium, dysprosium,
on and on and on.
1195
01:09:27,666 --> 01:09:29,000
We're running short.
1196
01:09:29,083 --> 01:09:31,916
And the problem
is exacerbated, of course,
1197
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:37,916
because China has her big panda paw
firmly on almost all the mines
1198
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,500
that produce
these valuable rare Earth assets.
1199
01:09:41,583 --> 01:09:43,625
So you can imagine.
1200
01:09:44,750 --> 01:09:48,541
Just how happy we were at BASH
1201
01:09:48,625 --> 01:09:52,250
when our astrogeologists discovered
1202
01:09:52,333 --> 01:09:57,000
and then determined that this comet,
hurtling towards us from deep space,
1203
01:09:57,083 --> 01:10:02,833
actually contains at least $32 trillion
of these critical materials.
1204
01:10:02,916 --> 01:10:04,666
Critical to technology.
1205
01:10:04,750 --> 01:10:05,958
If we're to proceed...
1206
01:10:06,041 --> 01:10:08,541
I'm sorry. Is that why
you aborted this entire mission,
1207
01:10:08,625 --> 01:10:11,541
is because you're trying to mine
the comet for rare minerals?
1208
01:10:11,625 --> 01:10:13,708
I think
we should hold all questions
1209
01:10:13,791 --> 01:10:16,458
until the end of the presentation,
1210
01:10:16,541 --> 01:10:20,125
and you might find
that your questions are answered.
1211
01:10:20,666 --> 01:10:21,750
Yes, Madam President.
1212
01:10:21,833 --> 01:10:24,875
When you...
When the other metals are factored in,
1213
01:10:24,958 --> 01:10:27,333
the comet actually contains
1214
01:10:27,416 --> 01:10:31,541
almost $140 trillion worth of assets.
1215
01:10:31,625 --> 01:10:32,916
Buck-forty trilli.
1216
01:10:33,416 --> 01:10:35,291
Yeah...
1217
01:10:35,375 --> 01:10:40,000
What do these trillions of dollars
even matter if we're all gonna die...
1218
01:10:40,083 --> 01:10:42,458
I was about to ask
the same question, Janie.
1219
01:10:42,541 --> 01:10:43,666
Why weren't we consulted?
1220
01:10:43,750 --> 01:10:45,250
All due respect, Madam President...
1221
01:10:45,333 --> 01:10:47,833
Oh, no!
What if we're rich and we're safe?
1222
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:53,125
I've gone over it
again and again and again in my head
1223
01:10:54,875 --> 01:10:56,791
and I still can't make sense of it.
1224
01:10:58,750 --> 01:11:03,791
He's a three-star general.
He works at the Pentagon.
1225
01:11:05,916 --> 01:11:09,000
Why would he charge us for free snacks?
1226
01:11:09,083 --> 01:11:12,750
One time, I met Sting,
1227
01:11:13,708 --> 01:11:18,291
and I swear to God,
he farted right in front of me.
1228
01:11:19,333 --> 01:11:24,458
Didn't break eye contact
and didn't even say excuse me.
1229
01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:31,083
And the thing is,
he actually pulled it off.
1230
01:11:32,375 --> 01:11:34,875
'Cause I still found him
to be quite charming.
1231
01:11:35,916 --> 01:11:40,333
Guys, we have to talk.
Come on, let's go. Come on, now.
1232
01:11:41,416 --> 01:11:44,625
It's insane. Like, completely insane.
1233
01:11:44,708 --> 01:11:46,041
It will never work.
1234
01:11:46,125 --> 01:11:48,291
I had the exact same reaction.
1235
01:11:48,375 --> 01:11:51,500
This is a nine-kilometer-wide
planet-killer we're talking about,
1236
01:11:51,583 --> 01:11:53,041
not roaming charges.
1237
01:11:53,125 --> 01:11:59,041
Look, I... I was confused and outraged
that they turned this mission around too,
1238
01:11:59,125 --> 01:12:01,708
but they've got
Gary Talcamont from Stanford
1239
01:12:01,791 --> 01:12:03,958
and Lisa Inez from Princeton
on their team.
1240
01:12:04,041 --> 01:12:07,750
I mean, this is next-generation
cutting-edge technology.
1241
01:12:07,833 --> 01:12:14,625
Obviously, one giant comet is a major
and existential threat to our planet,
1242
01:12:14,708 --> 01:12:20,000
but 30 smaller meteoroids, we can handle.
1243
01:12:20,916 --> 01:12:26,625
Our BEADS, that stands for
BASH Explore and Acquire Drones,
1244
01:12:26,708 --> 01:12:28,083
that you see here,
1245
01:12:28,166 --> 01:12:30,833
attach themselves to the comet
1246
01:12:30,916 --> 01:12:33,375
and scan it with nanotechnology
1247
01:12:33,458 --> 01:12:36,583
developed by
Nobel Prize-winning scientist,
1248
01:12:36,666 --> 01:12:37,666
Dr. Gary Talcamont.
1249
01:12:37,750 --> 01:12:40,500
And then we immediately deploy, don't we?
1250
01:12:40,583 --> 01:12:42,833
Nobel and Polonsky prize-winning scientist
1251
01:12:42,916 --> 01:12:48,250
Dr. Inez's micro-targeted,
quantum fission explosives.
1252
01:12:48,333 --> 01:12:51,625
You see, deep into the object...
1253
01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:54,458
Dr. Inez, would you like
to explain what's happening?
1254
01:12:54,541 --> 01:12:55,416
Thank you, Peter.
1255
01:12:55,500 --> 01:12:58,250
We've been developing
phase-fission reactions
1256
01:12:58,333 --> 01:13:00,375
in the CERN particle accelerator
1257
01:13:00,458 --> 01:13:03,125
that can splinter the comet
into smaller pieces
1258
01:13:03,208 --> 01:13:05,333
with breathtaking accuracy.
1259
01:13:05,416 --> 01:13:08,791
These segments are then steered
and decelerated by each BEAD
1260
01:13:08,875 --> 01:13:13,625
into the Pacific Ocean for reclamation
by waiting US Navy ships.
1261
01:13:13,708 --> 01:13:15,666
And when these... Thank you.
1262
01:13:15,750 --> 01:13:19,875
And when these treasures
from heaven are claimed,
1263
01:13:19,958 --> 01:13:23,916
poverty as we know it,
social injustice, loss of biodiversity,
1264
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:26,708
all these multitudes of problems
1265
01:13:26,791 --> 01:13:30,125
are just gonna become relics of the past
1266
01:13:30,208 --> 01:13:35,625
and humanity is gonna stride through
the Pillars of Boaz and Jachin naked
1267
01:13:35,708 --> 01:13:38,250
into the the glory of a golden age...
1268
01:13:38,333 --> 01:13:41,500
And is this nanotech work peer-reviewed?
1269
01:13:41,583 --> 01:13:45,166
Well, I haven't reviewed the data,
but it's been modeled.
1270
01:13:45,250 --> 01:13:47,125
Has any of this been peer-reviewed?
1271
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:48,833
Nope.
1272
01:13:48,916 --> 01:13:51,250
Interplanetary, interstellar,
1273
01:13:51,333 --> 01:13:56,125
intergalactic existence
for the human race.
1274
01:13:59,125 --> 01:14:00,916
Your mouth to God's ear.
1275
01:14:01,458 --> 01:14:05,041
I understand the wealth
that they can extract from this comet,
1276
01:14:05,125 --> 01:14:06,291
it can end world hunger.
1277
01:14:06,375 --> 01:14:08,166
Oh, I see.
1278
01:14:08,250 --> 01:14:10,833
- Why are you laughing?
- That's true. No, I see.
1279
01:14:10,916 --> 01:14:15,333
So that's the pretty little bow they're
putting around this line of bullshit.
1280
01:14:15,416 --> 01:14:17,250
I bet they'll say freedom and puppies too.
1281
01:14:17,333 --> 01:14:18,166
- All right.
- Yeah.
1282
01:14:18,250 --> 01:14:21,916
You want me to quit the mission?
I'll quit the mission. That's fine.
1283
01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:25,708
But you have to understand,
this is now beyond our control.
1284
01:14:25,791 --> 01:14:27,208
They have all the power.
1285
01:14:27,291 --> 01:14:29,958
So who do you want
in the actual room to make sure
1286
01:14:30,041 --> 01:14:33,000
this whole thing doesn't turn out to be
a complete goddamn disaster?
1287
01:14:33,083 --> 01:14:35,708
Jason Orlean?
You want Jason Orlean in that room?
1288
01:14:35,791 --> 01:14:40,125
I have news for you.
It's already a complete disaster.
1289
01:14:40,208 --> 01:14:43,750
They're talking about letting
a comet the size of a mountain
1290
01:14:43,833 --> 01:14:46,625
hit the planet to jack up
a cell phone company's stock!
1291
01:14:46,708 --> 01:14:49,916
You better take that down
about four or five notches now.
1292
01:14:50,000 --> 01:14:53,625
Were you yelling about that mission?
Why were you talking about cell phones?
1293
01:14:53,708 --> 01:14:56,750
My friend was just theorizing
as to what's going on.
1294
01:14:56,833 --> 01:14:58,291
We're confused too.
1295
01:14:58,375 --> 01:15:01,458
That's an awfully official-looking
White House badge you got there.
1296
01:15:01,541 --> 01:15:03,291
I don't know why I have this on.
1297
01:15:03,375 --> 01:15:05,125
Listen, just tell us what's going on.
1298
01:15:05,208 --> 01:15:07,625
I got three scared kids at home.
Just tell us something.
1299
01:15:07,708 --> 01:15:10,333
I understand.
I wish I could share information, but...
1300
01:15:10,416 --> 01:15:12,958
We're people just like you.
We deserve to know!
1301
01:15:13,041 --> 01:15:13,916
They're right.
1302
01:15:14,958 --> 01:15:16,083
They deserve to know.
1303
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:18,833
Do you really wanna know what's going on?
1304
01:15:18,916 --> 01:15:20,041
- Yeah.
- Please.
1305
01:15:20,125 --> 01:15:22,583
- Kate, don't. Kate.
- Kate.
1306
01:15:23,541 --> 01:15:28,958
They found a bunch of gold and diamonds
and rare shit on the comet.
1307
01:15:29,958 --> 01:15:32,166
So they're gonna let it hit the planet
1308
01:15:32,250 --> 01:15:36,416
to make a bunch of rich people
even more disgustingly rich!
1309
01:15:42,916 --> 01:15:44,000
Fuck you!
1310
01:15:54,708 --> 01:15:56,500
No camera!
1311
01:15:56,583 --> 01:15:58,541
Everything I could, they won't listen.
1312
01:15:58,625 --> 01:15:59,958
Surprise, surprise.
1313
01:16:00,041 --> 01:16:02,916
Now, I'm starting to think
you just like riling people up.
1314
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:04,958
I'm so sorry, Kate. Really, I am.
1315
01:16:05,041 --> 01:16:07,041
Oh, Randall. God.
1316
01:16:07,875 --> 01:16:09,875
Where's Brie Evantee?
1317
01:16:09,958 --> 01:16:12,375
Shouldn't you two
be playing footsie in a restaurant
1318
01:16:12,458 --> 01:16:14,583
that only serves cubes and foam?
1319
01:16:14,666 --> 01:16:18,083
Well, she ain't wrong.
You did lose the thread in a big way.
1320
01:16:18,166 --> 01:16:21,375
And what do you suggest we do?
An online petition, huh?
1321
01:16:21,458 --> 01:16:24,416
You want to hold...
Get a mob and hold up picket signs?
1322
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:26,958
You wanna overthrow the government?
I mean, look at this.
1323
01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:28,875
I can't! My head is in a bag!
1324
01:16:28,958 --> 01:16:31,583
Sorry, Dr. Mindy.
White House wants her off the grid.
1325
01:16:31,666 --> 01:16:33,166
- Come on, now. Look...
- Now.
1326
01:16:33,250 --> 01:16:35,958
Wait. What does that mean?
What the hell does that mean?
1327
01:16:36,041 --> 01:16:38,416
- What does off the grid mean?
- Hey, Kate.
1328
01:16:39,291 --> 01:16:42,416
Oh, gosh. Kate! Are you okay?
1329
01:16:45,541 --> 01:16:48,833
Teddy, come on!
What choice do I have here?
1330
01:16:51,166 --> 01:16:53,541
A man's always got choices, Randall!
1331
01:16:53,625 --> 01:16:56,458
Sometimes you just gotta
choose the good one!
1332
01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:04,708
Miss Katelyn Dibiasky,
1333
01:17:04,791 --> 01:17:08,208
the charges against you are
violation of national security secrets,
1334
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:11,083
inciting a riot,
and destruction of private property
1335
01:17:11,166 --> 01:17:13,666
owned by Bojo Mambo's Shrimp LLC.
1336
01:17:13,750 --> 01:17:14,583
What? I didn't...
1337
01:17:14,666 --> 01:17:17,583
However, the Attorney General
is willing to not pursue prosecution
1338
01:17:17,666 --> 01:17:19,208
if you will agree to the following.
1339
01:17:19,291 --> 01:17:21,958
The suspension
of all public media appearances
1340
01:17:22,041 --> 01:17:26,708
and incendiary language relating to
Comet Dibiasky and BASH Cellular.
1341
01:17:28,916 --> 01:17:32,333
Fine. Give it to me.
I don't give a shit anymore.
1342
01:17:47,875 --> 01:17:49,416
Mom. Dad.
1343
01:17:49,916 --> 01:17:52,166
I'm so glad to be home.
1344
01:17:54,875 --> 01:17:55,875
Unlock the door.
1345
01:17:55,958 --> 01:17:57,750
No politics. None.
1346
01:17:58,208 --> 01:17:59,583
What are you talking about?
1347
01:18:00,083 --> 01:18:02,791
Your dad and I are for the jobs
the comet will provide.
1348
01:18:05,708 --> 01:18:07,916
The divisions in this country
are bad enough.
1349
01:18:08,625 --> 01:18:10,458
We don't want more of that in our house.
1350
01:18:14,291 --> 01:18:16,125
- Slow down, kids.
- Sorry, Mom.
1351
01:18:17,291 --> 01:18:19,333
I worry about my kids and their future.
1352
01:18:19,875 --> 01:18:22,500
Sure, the jobs
the comet's gonna create sound great.
1353
01:18:23,041 --> 01:18:24,291
What if it's not safe?
1354
01:18:24,875 --> 01:18:29,250
Right now, millions of you are having
these same doubts and questions
1355
01:18:29,333 --> 01:18:31,208
about the approaching comet.
1356
01:18:31,291 --> 01:18:32,708
That is why BASH Cellular
1357
01:18:32,791 --> 01:18:35,166
in conjunction with
the United States Government
1358
01:18:35,250 --> 01:18:40,041
is creating a new hotline, free of charge,
to answer all of your questions.
1359
01:18:40,750 --> 01:18:46,125
And who knows? Maybe,
just maybe, one of our scientists...
1360
01:18:46,208 --> 01:18:49,541
Thank you, Sharon.
Makes me feel so much better.
1361
01:18:49,625 --> 01:18:53,833
Can be that friend we all need
to lean on during uncertain times.
1362
01:18:55,208 --> 01:18:58,750
Call 1-800-532-4500 for peace of mind.
1363
01:18:58,833 --> 01:19:00,458
Offer only available to BASH customers.
1364
01:19:00,541 --> 01:19:02,916
Details of your call may be shared
with other subsidiaries
1365
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,916
to enhance your customer experience.
Data and roaming charges apply.
1366
01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:09,416
So, I thought he was the ambassador.
I was just flattering him.
1367
01:19:09,500 --> 01:19:13,541
Well, he was a waiter.
Now he's got an ego the size of Texas.
1368
01:19:16,916 --> 01:19:18,125
Oh, my God.
1369
01:19:19,250 --> 01:19:22,875
June, what...
What are you doing here, sweetie?
1370
01:19:24,708 --> 01:19:27,458
Had a feeling
something was going on and just...
1371
01:19:28,333 --> 01:19:31,958
Well, you know,
we're discussing important business.
1372
01:19:32,041 --> 01:19:35,458
- That's what we're doing.
- Oh, yeah, that's really very important.
1373
01:19:35,541 --> 01:19:37,750
Oh, can we just
skip past this part, please?
1374
01:19:37,833 --> 01:19:39,500
Where you get to feel self-righteous
1375
01:19:39,583 --> 01:19:43,041
and we put our tails between our legs.
It is just so boring.
1376
01:19:43,125 --> 01:19:44,791
Oh, it's so boring?
1377
01:19:44,875 --> 01:19:49,291
You wanna skip the part where
you feel bad for screwing my husband?
1378
01:19:49,875 --> 01:19:52,583
No, I don't feel bad.
1379
01:19:52,666 --> 01:19:56,416
Randall and I are having a wonderful time.
So, I think the question is,
1380
01:19:56,500 --> 01:20:01,791
do we keep having a wonderful time
or does he go back with you to Wisconsin?
1381
01:20:01,875 --> 01:20:02,750
Or Montana.
1382
01:20:02,833 --> 01:20:04,875
- Michigan?
- Michigan.
1383
01:20:08,125 --> 01:20:12,500
You know... she is actually right.
1384
01:20:13,291 --> 01:20:16,333
That's the only question. So...
1385
01:20:18,958 --> 01:20:20,750
Well, June, sweetie...
1386
01:20:20,833 --> 01:20:23,875
Sometimes in life things are, you know,
1387
01:20:23,958 --> 01:20:26,458
they're complicated and they just...
1388
01:20:26,541 --> 01:20:27,666
Oh, okay.
1389
01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:31,666
Oh, that was fast...
1390
01:20:35,250 --> 01:20:38,375
Well, before I go...
1391
01:20:38,458 --> 01:20:41,375
let me just give you some instructions
1392
01:20:42,333 --> 01:20:45,458
on how to take care of Randall.
1393
01:20:47,125 --> 01:20:50,541
Yeah, here's the Xanax
he takes for his panic attacks.
1394
01:20:50,625 --> 01:20:51,458
Oh, gosh.
1395
01:20:51,541 --> 01:20:54,458
Here's the Zoloft he takes
for the crashing depressions.
1396
01:20:54,541 --> 01:20:58,250
- Not so much recently. Okay, you know...
- Oh, good for you. Great.
1397
01:20:58,333 --> 01:21:02,000
This is for his blood pressure.
1398
01:21:02,083 --> 01:21:04,708
- Restless leg syndrome, that's a fun one.
- God.
1399
01:21:06,708 --> 01:21:10,875
Appetite suppressant to counteract
the weight gain from his other meds.
1400
01:21:10,958 --> 01:21:15,875
And for America's sexiest scientist,
a bottle of goddamn Cialis!
1401
01:21:15,958 --> 01:21:17,375
Gosh.
1402
01:21:26,583 --> 01:21:28,041
Goodbye. Goodbye, Randall.
1403
01:21:28,125 --> 01:21:29,916
I guess I'll just tell your sons
1404
01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:32,375
that Dad's fucking
the lady on our television.
1405
01:21:33,416 --> 01:21:34,791
June, I...
1406
01:21:36,250 --> 01:21:38,458
I really thought for a second
that was gonna work out.
1407
01:21:40,333 --> 01:21:43,666
People, they wanna
manage the comet to create jobs.
1408
01:21:43,750 --> 01:21:45,791
Thirty-seven percent
don't want the comet to hit.
1409
01:21:45,875 --> 01:21:47,583
That's actually down by three points.
1410
01:21:47,666 --> 01:21:50,791
And 23%, they don't think
there's a comet at all,
1411
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:52,666
and that number is way up.
1412
01:21:53,500 --> 01:21:56,791
Not Bitcoin, RatCoin. RatCoin.
1413
01:21:59,583 --> 01:22:01,833
I'd like to buy these sunglasses.
1414
01:22:10,166 --> 01:22:12,458
You that girl from live TV
who said we're all gonna die?
1415
01:22:13,041 --> 01:22:14,958
No. What's your purchase?
1416
01:22:19,291 --> 01:22:20,250
What the fuck?
1417
01:22:20,333 --> 01:22:23,041
- Yeah, that's you. It's definitely you.
- Yep, that's me.
1418
01:22:23,125 --> 01:22:26,833
Holy shit. You're a stone-cold legend.
Word is bond.
1419
01:22:28,125 --> 01:22:29,583
I got a picture of you on my board.
1420
01:22:29,666 --> 01:22:31,041
Picture on his fucking board.
1421
01:22:31,125 --> 01:22:33,125
That's great. What's your purchase?
1422
01:22:33,208 --> 01:22:36,416
If you don't have one, get out of line
and make room for other customers.
1423
01:22:36,500 --> 01:22:38,791
Can I touch your hair in a non-sexual way?
1424
01:22:38,875 --> 01:22:41,541
- Get the fuck away from me.
- Oh, dude, have some...
1425
01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:45,041
Call Diogo, he'll freak out.
Will you say hi to my friend?
1426
01:22:45,125 --> 01:22:47,750
Dude, he's obsessed with you.
We love you. We don't like...
1427
01:22:47,833 --> 01:22:49,250
Can't stand Orlean either.
1428
01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:54,583
What's up? Yo, check out...
1429
01:22:54,666 --> 01:22:57,083
Yo, shut the fuck up.
Check out who we're with.
1430
01:22:57,166 --> 01:22:59,833
- Yo, bro! What up?
- What up?
1431
01:23:01,250 --> 01:23:03,958
I mean, we have a purchase,
but we don't have payment,
1432
01:23:04,041 --> 01:23:05,583
which is a metaphor on...
1433
01:23:07,208 --> 01:23:09,291
- Cash?
- Also, Phillip, I've been told...
1434
01:23:09,375 --> 01:23:10,666
- Right.
- That you wrote a book
1435
01:23:10,750 --> 01:23:13,458
about your past relationship
with Kate Dibiasky.
1436
01:23:13,541 --> 01:23:15,958
Funny you should say that,
I'm working on that now.
1437
01:23:16,041 --> 01:23:18,583
It's gonna be called
A Brush With The Devil, and it's...
1438
01:23:18,666 --> 01:23:20,791
You calling security
or something, with your eyes?
1439
01:23:20,875 --> 01:23:22,125
No. You're free to go.
1440
01:23:22,208 --> 01:23:24,333
- That sounds terrible.
- Just like that?
1441
01:23:25,625 --> 01:23:27,125
You don't give a shit, do you?
1442
01:23:28,958 --> 01:23:29,958
Sure, I do.
1443
01:23:30,041 --> 01:23:33,041
I care about DrinkMo's guarantee
of quality service.
1444
01:23:33,666 --> 01:23:35,500
Well, we don't give a shit either.
1445
01:23:35,583 --> 01:23:37,208
Not one single shit.
1446
01:23:37,291 --> 01:23:40,291
We hang and board behind the abandoned
Burger Crown from 7:00 to whenever.
1447
01:23:40,375 --> 01:23:41,208
Yeah, we do.
1448
01:23:41,291 --> 01:23:43,750
You should come hang.
If you're not a fucking pussy.
1449
01:23:46,666 --> 01:23:48,333
Oh, you know, it's me...
1450
01:23:48,416 --> 01:23:50,958
- Fuck. Okay. Thanks.
- And a bottle of scotch.
1451
01:23:51,958 --> 01:23:54,500
It's a joke. But also...
1452
01:24:06,541 --> 01:24:09,083
Okay, let me introduce you
1453
01:24:09,958 --> 01:24:16,333
to mankind's savior,
BASH Explore and Acquire Drone.
1454
01:24:16,416 --> 01:24:17,500
It's incredible.
1455
01:24:17,583 --> 01:24:19,125
It's incredible, isn't it?
1456
01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:22,833
I call this one Primo,
the first.
1457
01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:24,416
It's like my first child.
1458
01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:31,291
Primo, my boy.
It's your father, Cronos.
1459
01:24:31,375 --> 01:24:35,041
Don't be shy. Come on.
You're gonna be a god in the sky.
1460
01:24:41,416 --> 01:24:46,583
Are you at all concerned about
the sync on the BEAD explosions?
1461
01:24:46,666 --> 01:24:50,583
Oh, Doctor.
There are always questions and fears, and...
1462
01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:54,500
I have a report here from a Dr. Inez.
1463
01:24:54,583 --> 01:24:57,041
- If you'd just take a look at this study.
- Oh, thanks.
1464
01:24:57,125 --> 01:24:59,333
Listen, a lot of my colleagues,
1465
01:24:59,416 --> 01:25:01,875
they've either been removed
or resigned from this project,
1466
01:25:01,958 --> 01:25:06,083
apparently for asking too many questions
about this mission here.
1467
01:25:06,166 --> 01:25:08,750
So I just wanna make sure that you're...
1468
01:25:09,333 --> 01:25:11,875
That you're open
to the scientific peer-review process
1469
01:25:11,958 --> 01:25:14,583
and you're not approaching
this mission like a businessman.
1470
01:25:14,666 --> 01:25:16,416
- You know? That...
- What did you say?
1471
01:25:16,916 --> 01:25:20,208
- I wanna know if you're...
- Did you call me a businessman?
1472
01:25:20,875 --> 01:25:23,916
- You do own a corporate...
- You think I'm just a businessman?
1473
01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:27,791
Do you think you know me, Doctor?
1474
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:30,291
Business?
1475
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:35,125
This is evolution.
This is evolution of the human species.
1476
01:25:36,125 --> 01:25:38,125
- What are you doing bringing this...
- Well...
1477
01:25:38,208 --> 01:25:41,375
You know that BASH has
over 40 million data points on you,
1478
01:25:41,458 --> 01:25:45,458
on every decision you have made
since 1994, Doctor?
1479
01:25:45,541 --> 01:25:50,041
I... I know when you have colon polyps
1480
01:25:50,125 --> 01:25:51,833
months before your doctor does.
1481
01:25:51,916 --> 01:25:53,750
You got four or five
at the moment actually.
1482
01:25:53,833 --> 01:25:57,375
You know, they're not of concern,
but I'd have a checkup as soon as you can.
1483
01:25:57,458 --> 01:26:01,916
But much more importantly than that,
I know what you are. I know who you are.
1484
01:26:02,000 --> 01:26:07,000
My algorithms have determined
eight fundamental consumer profile types.
1485
01:26:07,083 --> 01:26:10,791
You are a lifestyle idealist.
1486
01:26:10,875 --> 01:26:15,125
You think you're motivated
by beliefs, high ethical beliefs.
1487
01:26:15,208 --> 01:26:20,125
But you just run towards pleasure
and away from pain.
1488
01:26:22,375 --> 01:26:25,000
Like a... Like a field mouse.
1489
01:26:27,125 --> 01:26:28,500
I'm just trying to...
1490
01:26:29,916 --> 01:26:32,875
I just wanna make sure
that the science is sound on this project.
1491
01:26:32,958 --> 01:26:34,041
I hope you understand...
1492
01:26:34,125 --> 01:26:38,250
Our algorithms
can even predict how you'll die.
1493
01:26:39,125 --> 01:26:44,375
To 96... 96.5% accuracy.
1494
01:26:44,458 --> 01:26:46,333
I looked you up after we met.
1495
01:26:47,541 --> 01:26:52,000
Your death was so unremarkable and boring.
1496
01:26:52,666 --> 01:26:56,750
I can't remember the details,
apart from one thing.
1497
01:26:59,000 --> 01:27:00,750
You're gonna die alone.
1498
01:27:03,750 --> 01:27:04,791
Alone.
1499
01:27:05,291 --> 01:27:09,958
If you'll excuse me, Madam President.
I've got some work to do.
1500
01:27:10,041 --> 01:27:11,708
What the hell are you doing?
1501
01:27:11,791 --> 01:27:14,333
- My God.
- I was trying to do my job.
1502
01:27:14,416 --> 01:27:17,708
You are just so lucky
that Peter adores you.
1503
01:27:25,083 --> 01:27:27,375
You're with the grown-ups now, Randall.
1504
01:27:27,458 --> 01:27:29,083
I can't even follow this shit anymore!
1505
01:27:35,166 --> 01:27:40,375
BASH got Orlean to pay
the Chilean government, if I'm correct,
1506
01:27:40,458 --> 01:27:44,583
$90 billion to let the tsunami
hit off the coast of the country.
1507
01:27:44,666 --> 01:27:45,666
That sound right to you?
1508
01:27:45,750 --> 01:27:47,666
Isherwell built
an underground bunker
1509
01:27:47,750 --> 01:27:49,333
for him and all his executives.
1510
01:27:49,416 --> 01:27:51,791
No, I heard that
they built an escape ship.
1511
01:27:51,875 --> 01:27:55,250
You guys,
the truth is way more depressing.
1512
01:27:56,291 --> 01:28:00,208
They're not even smart enough to be
as evil as you're giving them credit for.
1513
01:28:06,916 --> 01:28:08,541
- What?
- No.
1514
01:28:12,916 --> 01:28:16,125
Fuck! You're driving me fucking
crazy, Kate.
1515
01:28:16,208 --> 01:28:17,833
Fuck it. We're all gonna die.
1516
01:28:35,333 --> 01:28:36,750
Movie will be released
1517
01:28:36,833 --> 01:28:40,166
the day that some believe
Comet Dibiasky will impact the planet.
1518
01:28:40,250 --> 01:28:42,750
And the early word is
it's already a classic, Brie.
1519
01:28:42,833 --> 01:28:45,500
Oh, yes.
Well, and what a stellar cast.
1520
01:28:45,583 --> 01:28:48,041
- Devin. Yeah.
- I love Devin Peters.
1521
01:28:48,125 --> 01:28:49,625
He's great. Everything he does.
1522
01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:52,708
- What's it called again?
- It's called Total Devastation.
1523
01:28:52,791 --> 01:28:56,208
It cost $300 million to make.
1524
01:28:56,291 --> 01:28:59,333
- I mean, these movies...
- It's more than you earn.
1525
01:28:59,416 --> 01:29:01,791
Tell me about it.
And my friend Farley, he saw it.
1526
01:29:01,875 --> 01:29:04,625
- He said it's a ton of fun. That's right.
- Well, Farley likes it.
1527
01:29:04,708 --> 01:29:07,250
All right, well, what Farley says goes.
1528
01:29:07,333 --> 01:29:08,583
But first,
1529
01:29:09,416 --> 01:29:12,458
and yes, you can tell from my smile...
1530
01:29:12,541 --> 01:29:13,833
Stop it.
1531
01:29:13,916 --> 01:29:18,916
That America's sexiest scientist is here.
Dr. Randall. Welcome.
1532
01:29:19,666 --> 01:29:21,375
Dr. Randall, how are you, sir?
1533
01:29:21,458 --> 01:29:24,208
I'm... I'm good.
I'm gooder than good.
1534
01:29:25,666 --> 01:29:30,833
All right. So, Randall, we're hearing
that there is no comet,
1535
01:29:30,916 --> 01:29:34,375
or that there is a comet but it's
a good thing or maybe it's a bad thing.
1536
01:29:34,458 --> 01:29:36,750
We are so confused.
1537
01:29:36,833 --> 01:29:41,166
So, could you please help us out here,
you know, oh, wise scientist?
1538
01:29:42,541 --> 01:29:45,416
Well, first and foremost, Brie...
1539
01:29:45,500 --> 01:29:47,833
there most certainly
is a comet.
1540
01:29:47,916 --> 01:29:48,791
All right.
1541
01:29:48,875 --> 01:29:52,125
And we know that there is a comet
because we have the data.
1542
01:29:54,500 --> 01:29:58,666
There has been growing concern within
the scientific community as of late.
1543
01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,875
You see, the peer-review process
is absolutely essential...
1544
01:30:02,958 --> 01:30:05,583
- If BASH's stock...
- For us to get to the facts of... Yes?
1545
01:30:05,666 --> 01:30:07,333
If BASH's stock is any indicator,
1546
01:30:07,416 --> 01:30:09,333
we don't have to worry
about the peer review.
1547
01:30:09,416 --> 01:30:10,583
It is going gangbusters.
1548
01:30:10,666 --> 01:30:13,125
And full disclosure.
I bought as many shares as I could.
1549
01:30:13,208 --> 01:30:14,500
I advise you to do the same.
1550
01:30:14,583 --> 01:30:16,333
You are such a shameless capitalist.
1551
01:30:16,416 --> 01:30:19,458
Said the woman who will be
in the brand-new hot tub on my back deck
1552
01:30:19,541 --> 01:30:22,083
- when I put it in from the stock.
- You know me too well.
1553
01:30:22,166 --> 01:30:23,208
That's right.
1554
01:30:23,291 --> 01:30:25,875
Dr. Randall, you sure you're okay?
You want a glass of water...
1555
01:30:25,958 --> 01:30:27,166
I don't feel so good.
1556
01:30:27,250 --> 01:30:29,625
So I think we'll go
to commercial break...
1557
01:30:29,708 --> 01:30:33,291
No, Please, Brie. Don't cut away.
Let me say something.
1558
01:30:33,375 --> 01:30:34,916
- Okay.
- You came to the right place.
1559
01:30:35,000 --> 01:30:36,375
We like to say things.
1560
01:30:36,458 --> 01:30:40,416
Would you please
just stop being so pleasant?
1561
01:30:41,833 --> 01:30:44,791
I'm sorry, but not everything
needs to sound so goddamn clever
1562
01:30:44,875 --> 01:30:47,083
or charming or likeable all the time.
1563
01:30:47,166 --> 01:30:50,583
Sometimes we need to just be able
to say things to one another.
1564
01:30:50,666 --> 01:30:52,083
We need to hear things.
1565
01:30:53,833 --> 01:30:57,125
Look, let's establish, once again,
1566
01:30:57,791 --> 01:31:01,916
that there is a huge comet
headed towards Earth.
1567
01:31:02,666 --> 01:31:05,291
And the reason we know
that there is a comet
1568
01:31:05,375 --> 01:31:06,833
is because we saw it.
1569
01:31:06,916 --> 01:31:10,208
We saw it with our own eyes
using a telescope.
1570
01:31:10,291 --> 01:31:13,500
I mean, for God's sake,
we took a fucking picture of it!
1571
01:31:13,583 --> 01:31:15,291
What other proof do we need?
1572
01:31:15,791 --> 01:31:18,375
And if we can't all agree
at the bare minimum
1573
01:31:18,458 --> 01:31:22,875
that a giant comet
the size of Mount Everest
1574
01:31:22,958 --> 01:31:29,041
hurtling its way towards planet Earth
is not a fucking good thing,
1575
01:31:29,833 --> 01:31:32,125
then what the hell happened to us?
1576
01:31:33,000 --> 01:31:37,333
I mean, my God, how do...
How do we even talk to each other?
1577
01:31:37,416 --> 01:31:41,208
What've we... What've we done to ourselves?
How do we fix it?
1578
01:31:41,291 --> 01:31:44,791
We should have deflected this comet
when we had the fucking chance,
1579
01:31:44,875 --> 01:31:48,083
but we didn't do it.
I don't know why we didn't do it.
1580
01:31:48,166 --> 01:31:51,958
And now they're
actually firing scientists like me
1581
01:31:52,041 --> 01:31:54,666
for speaking out, for opposing them.
1582
01:31:55,416 --> 01:31:57,875
And I'm sure many of the people out there
1583
01:31:57,958 --> 01:31:59,958
aren't even
gonna listen to what I just said
1584
01:32:00,041 --> 01:32:02,833
'cause they have
their own political ideology,
1585
01:32:03,500 --> 01:32:05,916
but I... assure you,
1586
01:32:06,583 --> 01:32:08,583
I am not on one side or the other.
1587
01:32:08,666 --> 01:32:10,916
I'm just telling you the fucking truth.
1588
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:12,625
This would be a good time to establish
1589
01:32:12,708 --> 01:32:15,250
that Isherwell and the president
have both said
1590
01:32:15,333 --> 01:32:16,958
that there's benefits to be...
1591
01:32:17,041 --> 01:32:21,750
Right, well, the president
of the United States is fucking lying!
1592
01:32:23,125 --> 01:32:24,708
Look, I'm just like all of you.
1593
01:32:24,791 --> 01:32:29,833
I hope to God, I hope to God that
this president knows what she's doing.
1594
01:32:29,916 --> 01:32:33,750
I hope she's got us all taken care of,
but the truth is,
1595
01:32:33,833 --> 01:32:36,875
I think this whole administration
1596
01:32:36,958 --> 01:32:41,500
has completely lost their fucking mind!
1597
01:32:41,583 --> 01:32:45,125
And I think we're all gonna die!
1598
01:32:49,291 --> 01:32:51,125
Look, I just wanna go home.
1599
01:32:51,791 --> 01:32:54,125
I just wanna go home.
1600
01:32:54,208 --> 01:32:56,125
I just wanna go home more than anything.
1601
01:33:00,875 --> 01:33:02,583
But if there is one thing,
1602
01:33:03,208 --> 01:33:05,291
one thing that I pray...
1603
01:33:05,375 --> 01:33:09,833
that I pray that all of you hear
from what I have just said,
1604
01:33:10,625 --> 01:33:13,583
is that all of us, all of us...
1605
01:33:22,083 --> 01:33:23,625
Why'd you do that?
1606
01:33:24,750 --> 01:33:28,250
I really liked you
and I despise most people.
1607
01:33:29,791 --> 01:33:33,000
You know, I...
I really thought I loved you.
1608
01:33:35,791 --> 01:33:36,958
Really?
1609
01:33:40,375 --> 01:33:41,833
That's wild.
1610
01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:44,625
Yeah.
1611
01:33:44,708 --> 01:33:47,416
Ma'am, you need to go.
We gotta get this man off the grid.
1612
01:33:49,500 --> 01:33:50,708
You still there?
1613
01:33:53,750 --> 01:33:54,791
No.
1614
01:33:57,291 --> 01:34:01,041
Well, maybe he just gets off
on the power, you know,
1615
01:34:01,125 --> 01:34:02,791
like any kind of power.
1616
01:34:02,875 --> 01:34:07,750
It's like he knew eventually that I was
gonna find out that the snacks were free.
1617
01:34:07,833 --> 01:34:09,291
- Right.
- You know what I mean?
1618
01:34:09,375 --> 01:34:11,833
- Yeah.
- So it was just like a power play.
1619
01:34:12,541 --> 01:34:13,625
Yeah, guys are weird.
1620
01:34:16,250 --> 01:34:20,000
I'm starting to think that all this
end of the world stuff is bullshit.
1621
01:34:21,625 --> 01:34:22,833
It's not.
1622
01:34:22,916 --> 01:34:26,833
It's definitely happening. I've seen it.
1623
01:34:27,416 --> 01:34:31,041
I feel like if God wanted to destroy
the Earth, He would destroy the Earth.
1624
01:34:33,333 --> 01:34:34,583
You believe in God?
1625
01:34:36,541 --> 01:34:39,166
Yeah, I mean,
my parents raised me Evangelical,
1626
01:34:39,250 --> 01:34:41,583
and I hate them,
but I found my own way to it.
1627
01:34:41,666 --> 01:34:42,916
My own relationship.
1628
01:34:46,416 --> 01:34:48,708
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't advertise it though.
1629
01:34:52,041 --> 01:34:55,166
I won't tell anybody.
I think it's kind of sweet.
1630
01:34:58,750 --> 01:35:01,333
- Wanna make out?
- Yeah, why not?
1631
01:35:02,458 --> 01:35:05,458
Can you not say why not?
It makes me feel like you don't want it.
1632
01:35:06,458 --> 01:35:07,458
It's shitty.
1633
01:35:09,541 --> 01:35:12,166
- Sure, whatever.
- That's better.
1634
01:35:42,708 --> 01:35:44,833
- Oh, my God, that's it.
- What? What?
1635
01:35:44,916 --> 01:35:47,166
- That's the comet.
- What? Where?
1636
01:35:48,833 --> 01:35:51,916
- Where?
- Well, that's the Big Dipper.
1637
01:35:52,000 --> 01:35:54,916
That's Venus. That's the North Star.
1638
01:35:55,500 --> 01:35:57,958
- Well, what is that?
- Oh, shit.
1639
01:36:06,458 --> 01:36:07,708
What the hell?
1640
01:36:10,500 --> 01:36:11,500
What?
1641
01:36:13,750 --> 01:36:14,583
Come on.
1642
01:36:22,208 --> 01:36:23,208
There it is.
1643
01:36:25,958 --> 01:36:27,125
There you are.
1644
01:36:30,166 --> 01:36:31,166
There you are.
1645
01:36:32,083 --> 01:36:34,250
Is anyone else seeing this?
That's it.
1646
01:36:35,041 --> 01:36:38,833
That's it. That's the comet.
Look! It's right there.
1647
01:37:16,333 --> 01:37:19,291
- That's, you know, kinda scary.
- Exactly.
1648
01:37:23,791 --> 01:37:25,625
- Dr. Mindy.
- Kate.
1649
01:37:25,708 --> 01:37:27,875
Doc, you can see it.
1650
01:37:27,958 --> 01:37:32,166
I... I'm looking at it right now too.
It's unbelievable. It's...
1651
01:37:32,666 --> 01:37:36,250
It's horrific and it's...
and it's beautiful at the same time.
1652
01:37:36,333 --> 01:37:38,041
Oh, my God.
1653
01:37:43,208 --> 01:37:45,125
We've been trying to tell you.
1654
01:37:45,750 --> 01:37:49,041
We tried to tell you this whole time.
It's right there. It's...
1655
01:37:49,875 --> 01:37:51,458
It's right there, Kate.
1656
01:37:54,291 --> 01:37:55,375
Where are you?
1657
01:37:55,458 --> 01:37:56,875
I'm in Lansing, Michigan
1658
01:37:56,958 --> 01:38:00,125
trying to fix things with June,
but she won't talk to me.
1659
01:38:00,208 --> 01:38:02,083
- Where are you?
- What the fuck?
1660
01:38:03,041 --> 01:38:04,166
I...
1661
01:38:04,250 --> 01:38:06,291
I'm gonna come find you, okay?
1662
01:38:07,375 --> 01:38:10,708
Well, I'm in Illinois.
I could be ready by tomorrow.
1663
01:38:12,083 --> 01:38:13,375
- Dearest Father...
- Yeah, I'm...
1664
01:38:13,458 --> 01:38:16,000
As a sinner I come to You
for Your grace and guidance...
1665
01:38:16,083 --> 01:38:18,125
They're finally seeing it.
1666
01:38:18,708 --> 01:38:20,250
They're finally seeing it.
1667
01:38:26,083 --> 01:38:27,583
There it is!
1668
01:38:41,625 --> 01:38:45,208
Go outside into your yard,
onto a roof, onto your sidewalk,
1669
01:38:45,291 --> 01:38:46,708
and just look up into the sky.
1670
01:38:46,791 --> 01:38:50,125
The star's gonna appear fuzzy.
It's got a long streak coming off of it.
1671
01:38:50,208 --> 01:38:51,708
That's the comet's tail.
1672
01:38:51,791 --> 01:38:53,375
It's real and it's coming.
1673
01:38:53,458 --> 01:38:56,041
If anyone tells you any different,
they're full of shit.
1674
01:38:56,125 --> 01:38:57,625
Just look up into the sky.
1675
01:38:57,708 --> 01:38:59,166
It's a fucking fact.
1676
01:38:59,250 --> 01:39:00,708
- We have proof.
- Just look up.
1677
01:39:00,791 --> 01:39:04,416
Guys, please just look up, okay?
Screw the manatees and just look up.
1678
01:39:04,500 --> 01:39:05,458
Just look up.
1679
01:39:05,541 --> 01:39:07,625
- Just look up!
- Just look up! Just look up!
1680
01:39:07,708 --> 01:39:08,708
Just look up!
1681
01:39:08,791 --> 01:39:13,083
Dr. Mindy, the president's
plan to save Earth
1682
01:39:13,166 --> 01:39:18,125
and make it so we can all have a home
is going to work, right?
1683
01:39:18,208 --> 01:39:22,250
Every single man, woman and child
on this planet is going to die.
1684
01:39:22,333 --> 01:39:25,541
- I don't like him. He makes me sad.
- I'm sorry about that.
1685
01:39:25,625 --> 01:39:27,625
- This is not what we rehearsed.
- Kids, listen.
1686
01:39:27,708 --> 01:39:30,875
You tell your parents
that President Orlean and Isherwell
1687
01:39:30,958 --> 01:39:32,625
are sociopaths and fascists!
1688
01:39:39,791 --> 01:39:42,708
And do you know why
they want you to look up?
1689
01:39:43,666 --> 01:39:45,416
Do you know why?
1690
01:39:45,500 --> 01:39:48,041
'Cause they want you to be afraid.
1691
01:39:49,500 --> 01:39:51,958
They want you to look up
1692
01:39:52,041 --> 01:39:54,708
because they are
looking down their noses at you.
1693
01:39:56,041 --> 01:39:57,916
They think they're better than you.
1694
01:39:58,000 --> 01:40:00,500
Don't look up!
1695
01:40:00,583 --> 01:40:02,833
They wanna rob you of your freedom,
and that's a fact!
1696
01:40:02,916 --> 01:40:05,000
Don't look up!
1697
01:40:05,083 --> 01:40:06,833
The US president, Orlean...
1698
01:40:06,916 --> 01:40:09,250
Just look up!
1699
01:40:09,333 --> 01:40:12,625
Has not included India
or any other nation in the world
1700
01:40:12,708 --> 01:40:14,041
to be a part of this mission.
1701
01:40:14,750 --> 01:40:17,375
This dude is a known pornographer
named Kip...
1702
01:40:17,458 --> 01:40:18,708
Don't listen to that dumbfuck.
1703
01:40:18,791 --> 01:40:24,791
The United Nations have been
considering its own deflective mission.
1704
01:40:24,875 --> 01:40:27,125
Just look up, for fuck's sake!
1705
01:40:27,208 --> 01:40:30,958
Now I know a lot of Hollywood
is supporting the Just Look Up movement,
1706
01:40:31,041 --> 01:40:32,875
but I haven't seen a pin like that.
1707
01:40:32,958 --> 01:40:37,708
Yeah, this pin points both up and down.
1708
01:40:38,291 --> 01:40:42,916
Because I think, as a country,
we need to stop arguing
1709
01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:45,500
and virtue signaling. Just get along.
1710
01:40:46,125 --> 01:40:48,500
That is so refreshing.
1711
01:40:48,583 --> 01:40:51,208
I think
we're all tired of the politics.
1712
01:40:51,291 --> 01:40:53,458
Yeah, yeah. Well...
1713
01:40:54,458 --> 01:40:56,083
That's why we made Total Devastation.
1714
01:40:56,166 --> 01:40:58,291
It's for everyone. You know?
It's a popcorn movie.
1715
01:40:58,375 --> 01:41:02,083
You keep your eye on the road ahead,
you put your head down.
1716
01:41:02,166 --> 01:41:04,583
And you put
one foot in front of the other,
1717
01:41:04,666 --> 01:41:05,708
step by step.
1718
01:41:07,000 --> 01:41:08,083
Day by day.
1719
01:41:08,166 --> 01:41:11,375
- Don't look up!
- Don't!
1720
01:41:17,458 --> 01:41:20,500
So we wanna say something loud and clear.
1721
01:41:20,583 --> 01:41:24,208
There is no safe way
to bring this comet back to Earth
1722
01:41:24,291 --> 01:41:27,000
and exploit it for profit.
It cannot be done!
1723
01:41:27,583 --> 01:41:31,458
Nations of the world,
defy Orlean and BASH!
1724
01:41:31,541 --> 01:41:36,083
Launch your own nuclear deflection mission
now and save this planet!
1725
01:41:37,541 --> 01:41:43,375
And now, there's Riley Bina
with her special guest.
1726
01:41:43,458 --> 01:41:45,708
I forgot the name. Thank you.
1727
01:42:02,125 --> 01:42:08,416
<i>We knew no bounds
fell at the speed of sound</i>
1728
01:42:08,500 --> 01:42:14,416
<i>Riding against all odds but soon
against ourselves</i>
1729
01:42:16,375 --> 01:42:20,333
<i>You haunted every memory</i>
1730
01:42:20,416 --> 01:42:24,125
<i>With no goodbyes out there for me</i>
1731
01:42:24,208 --> 01:42:30,208
<i>Your pride put out the fire
in our flame</i>
1732
01:42:31,250 --> 01:42:34,750
<i>Then just one look is all it takes</i>
1733
01:42:34,833 --> 01:42:40,458
<i>I feel your eyes,
they're locked on every part of me</i>
1734
01:42:40,541 --> 01:42:45,291
<i>And then my dumb heart says</i>
1735
01:42:45,375 --> 01:42:49,458
<i>Just look up</i>
1736
01:42:49,541 --> 01:42:53,166
<i>There is no place to hide</i>
1737
01:42:53,250 --> 01:42:55,083
<i>True love doesn't die</i>
1738
01:42:55,166 --> 01:42:59,916
<i>It holds on tight
and never lets you go...</i>
1739
01:43:00,000 --> 01:43:03,666
Is that a rock-solid ten smokeshow
of a president or what?
1740
01:43:04,750 --> 01:43:06,583
If she wasn't my mother...
1741
01:43:08,291 --> 01:43:10,041
There's three types of American people.
1742
01:43:11,000 --> 01:43:13,166
There are you, the working class.
1743
01:43:13,250 --> 01:43:17,083
Us, the cool rich, and then them.
1744
01:43:19,583 --> 01:43:21,625
I'm sorry, but we need them.
1745
01:43:22,166 --> 01:43:26,291
We need them because
you build us up to fight them.
1746
01:43:26,375 --> 01:43:28,541
The working class, the lower.
1747
01:43:28,625 --> 01:43:30,750
- You understand?
- No, I don't get it.
1748
01:43:30,833 --> 01:43:33,041
Do you understand? I'm talking about...
1749
01:43:33,125 --> 01:43:35,000
I'm talking about nutritionists.
1750
01:43:35,541 --> 01:43:37,666
I'm talking about personal trainers,
1751
01:43:38,500 --> 01:43:40,125
people at the spa,
1752
01:43:40,208 --> 01:43:43,125
but not the ones that check you in
and they're not the masseuses,
1753
01:43:43,208 --> 01:43:45,750
but they walk you down the corridor.
1754
01:43:45,833 --> 01:43:46,750
They're there...
1755
01:43:46,833 --> 01:43:49,333
<i>Know I let you down,
a nigga can't deny it</i>
1756
01:43:50,541 --> 01:43:53,166
<i>And there's so much that we're losin',
yes, that matters</i>
1757
01:43:53,250 --> 01:43:56,541
<i>I've been dealin' with madness,
wasn't the man you needed</i>
1758
01:43:57,250 --> 01:44:00,500
<i>You dealin' with sadness,
truthfully, it's all on me...</i>
1759
01:44:01,291 --> 01:44:04,083
- Divest from BASH when?
- Divest now!
1760
01:44:04,166 --> 01:44:05,833
Divest from BASH when?
1761
01:44:07,791 --> 01:44:08,875
<i>Time is oh so precious...</i>
1762
01:44:08,958 --> 01:44:10,541
We will not be quiet!
1763
01:44:11,583 --> 01:44:14,958
<i>Take my hand, baby,
I'll never leave you, Riley</i>
1764
01:44:15,041 --> 01:44:19,375
<i>Though what he's really trying to say</i>
1765
01:44:19,458 --> 01:44:23,083
<i>Is get your head out of your ass</i>
1766
01:44:23,166 --> 01:44:29,916
<i>Listen to the goddamn
qualified scientists</i>
1767
01:44:30,000 --> 01:44:33,416
<i>We really fucked it up,
fucked it up this time</i>
1768
01:44:33,500 --> 01:44:37,333
<i>It's so close,
I can feel the heat big-time</i>
1769
01:44:37,416 --> 01:44:41,000
<i>And you can act
like everything is all right</i>
1770
01:44:41,083 --> 01:44:44,791
<i>But this is probably
happening in real time</i>
1771
01:44:44,875 --> 01:44:47,791
<i>Celebrate or cry or pray</i>
1772
01:44:47,875 --> 01:44:53,166
<i>Whatever it takes
to get you through the mess that we made</i>
1773
01:44:53,250 --> 01:44:58,208
<i>'Cause tomorrow may never come</i>
1774
01:44:58,291 --> 01:45:02,625
<i>Just look up</i>
1775
01:45:02,708 --> 01:45:06,291
<i>Turn off the shitbox news</i>
1776
01:45:06,375 --> 01:45:09,333
<i>'Cause you're about to die soon,
everybody</i>
1777
01:45:13,291 --> 01:45:15,000
<i>Look up...</i>
1778
01:45:20,541 --> 01:45:23,833
Hey, good afternoon, Adam.
What do I owe the pleasure of this call?
1779
01:45:30,041 --> 01:45:31,041
What time?
1780
01:45:38,791 --> 01:45:41,708
Well... Well, thank you for calling.
1781
01:45:44,125 --> 01:45:45,125
Yeah.
1782
01:46:01,583 --> 01:46:02,541
What?
1783
01:46:05,958 --> 01:46:06,958
What?
1784
01:46:09,916 --> 01:46:14,708
Orlean and BASH
cut Russia, India, and China
1785
01:46:15,958 --> 01:46:17,375
out of the rights for the minerals.
1786
01:46:17,458 --> 01:46:20,916
So they tried their own
joint deflection mission,
1787
01:46:21,000 --> 01:46:25,708
but... approximately 40 minutes ago,
1788
01:46:26,583 --> 01:46:33,000
there was a massive explosion detected
at the Russian's Baikonur launch complex.
1789
01:46:35,458 --> 01:46:37,666
So it looks like the mission failed.
1790
01:46:42,791 --> 01:46:44,000
That's it?
1791
01:46:47,083 --> 01:46:48,666
What do you mean, that's it?
1792
01:46:52,083 --> 01:46:53,125
Teddy?
1793
01:46:56,458 --> 01:46:57,333
Right?
1794
01:47:03,166 --> 01:47:07,000
There is still the BASH mission.
It's all we have now.
1795
01:47:14,083 --> 01:47:15,083
Fuck!
1796
01:47:27,291 --> 01:47:30,083
These Just Look Uppers
1797
01:47:30,166 --> 01:47:35,833
want millions of illegal Chileans
to come across the border.
1798
01:47:36,875 --> 01:47:40,291
Don't look up.
1799
01:47:44,541 --> 01:47:46,291
The hell is that?
1800
01:47:52,416 --> 01:47:54,583
Fucking lied to us.
1801
01:47:56,125 --> 01:47:59,041
The president just texted me.
1802
01:47:59,125 --> 01:48:02,583
Don't trip. It's all good. Don't trip.
1803
01:48:05,000 --> 01:48:06,000
Hey, now.
1804
01:48:06,583 --> 01:48:09,250
You cut my face, you fucking rednecks!
1805
01:48:22,041 --> 01:48:24,375
Man, there hasn't been
a car in, like, an hour.
1806
01:48:25,875 --> 01:48:28,541
Yep.
Everyone's watching the BASH launch.
1807
01:48:31,041 --> 01:48:32,333
What are we doing again?
1808
01:48:35,000 --> 01:48:39,416
I told you. We're...
We're gonna go buy some groceries.
1809
01:48:48,041 --> 01:48:53,250
The Mills Brothers. Great band.
You know, Duke Ellington found this band.
1810
01:48:55,958 --> 01:49:00,000
I think they were originally called
the Four Kings of Harmony.
1811
01:49:01,541 --> 01:49:05,666
<i>We'll call on each memory
till then...</i>
1812
01:49:05,750 --> 01:49:08,208
Till Then, this is the song.
It's about...
1813
01:49:09,208 --> 01:49:11,458
It's about soldiers
going off to World War II
1814
01:49:11,541 --> 01:49:13,375
and thinking about home.
1815
01:49:16,625 --> 01:49:17,708
Listen to this part.
1816
01:49:17,791 --> 01:49:20,958
<i>Although there are oceans...</i>
1817
01:49:21,041 --> 01:49:27,041
Although there are oceans we must cross
and mountains that we must climb...
1818
01:49:28,541 --> 01:49:31,541
<i>I know every gain...</i>
1819
01:49:31,625 --> 01:49:34,708
I know that every gain must have a loss.
1820
01:49:34,791 --> 01:49:36,625
<i>So pray that our loss...</i>
1821
01:49:36,708 --> 01:49:40,708
So pray that our loss
is nothing but time.
1822
01:49:40,791 --> 01:49:46,458
<i>Till then, let's dream
of what there will be</i>
1823
01:49:46,541 --> 01:49:49,083
- Okay, I gotta ask you something.
- What?
1824
01:49:51,666 --> 01:49:53,666
Dr. Mindy, can I be vulnerable
in your car?
1825
01:49:53,750 --> 01:49:55,125
Yeah, go ahead.
1826
01:49:57,083 --> 01:49:58,875
I've never met anyone like you
1827
01:49:58,958 --> 01:50:01,166
and I feel a connection to you
on a level that...
1828
01:50:04,333 --> 01:50:06,250
I don't know,
I haven't felt with anyone else,
1829
01:50:06,333 --> 01:50:08,375
and going out on a limb,
1830
01:50:08,458 --> 01:50:10,458
but would you want to spend
more time together?
1831
01:50:10,541 --> 01:50:14,958
Maybe even get engaged or something?
1832
01:50:16,166 --> 01:50:18,000
Are you laughing?
1833
01:50:18,875 --> 01:50:20,125
- No?
- I'm smiling.
1834
01:50:21,541 --> 01:50:23,541
- Well, sure.
- This is sweet.
1835
01:50:23,625 --> 01:50:26,875
- Why not?
- This is pretty sweet.
1836
01:50:37,291 --> 01:50:41,791
And you read
the tea leaves for Dr. Mindy.
1837
01:50:41,875 --> 01:50:43,875
- You showed him the algorithm.
- Oh, yeah.
1838
01:50:43,958 --> 01:50:46,041
You really shook him
with that information.
1839
01:50:46,125 --> 01:50:48,916
- How he was gonna die.
- Yeah, it is shaking.
1840
01:50:49,625 --> 01:50:51,916
It got me so excited
to know about my own death.
1841
01:50:54,583 --> 01:50:57,208
I don't think I wanna know.
Yes, I do. I wanna to know.
1842
01:50:57,291 --> 01:51:01,541
You're gonna be eaten by a Bronteroc.
We don't know what it means.
1843
01:51:01,625 --> 01:51:03,583
- A what?
- A Bronteroc.
1844
01:51:05,208 --> 01:51:07,708
Okay, people, we have clear skies.
1845
01:51:09,541 --> 01:51:12,750
And we are a go for the BEAD launch.
1846
01:51:12,833 --> 01:51:13,958
Madam President?
1847
01:51:14,041 --> 01:51:18,583
Citizens of planet Earth. Now...
1848
01:51:19,541 --> 01:51:23,250
Look at this, Kate. They have wild salmon.
1849
01:51:23,333 --> 01:51:26,416
Look at the difference between that
and the farm-raised stuff.
1850
01:51:26,500 --> 01:51:29,708
You see how that looks just...
I don't know. Looks fake, right?
1851
01:51:30,833 --> 01:51:33,375
Hey, why don't you go find some...
1852
01:51:33,458 --> 01:51:35,958
What are the little potatoes called,
the tiny ones?
1853
01:51:36,041 --> 01:51:37,166
- Fingerling potatoes?
- Yeah.
1854
01:51:37,250 --> 01:51:39,750
- I fucking love fingerling potatoes.
- Let's get finger...
1855
01:51:39,833 --> 01:51:41,333
Do you wanna say something too?
1856
01:51:41,416 --> 01:51:42,708
That was beautiful. Yeah.
1857
01:51:43,666 --> 01:51:47,791
What up, world? Jason Orlean,
Chief of Staff, United States.
1858
01:51:49,875 --> 01:51:53,458
I've been noticing a lot of prayers
recently for people during this time
1859
01:51:54,291 --> 01:51:55,750
and I commend that,
1860
01:51:55,833 --> 01:52:02,125
but I also wanna give a prayer for stuff.
1861
01:52:03,625 --> 01:52:08,916
There's dope stuff, like material stuff,
like sick apartments and watches,
1862
01:52:09,000 --> 01:52:11,750
and cars, and clothes and shit
1863
01:52:11,833 --> 01:52:16,416
that could all go away
and I don't wanna see that stuff go away.
1864
01:52:16,500 --> 01:52:18,833
So I'm gonna say a prayer
for that stuff. Amen.
1865
01:52:21,958 --> 01:52:25,041
Just a quiet trepidation
among this much smaller crowd.
1866
01:52:25,125 --> 01:52:27,000
I can hear the sounds
of some people praying.
1867
01:52:27,083 --> 01:52:29,166
Okay, Anderson, let's go get it.
1868
01:52:29,250 --> 01:52:32,500
Yes, sir. Here we go, people.
1869
01:52:33,291 --> 01:52:34,125
Ten.
1870
01:52:34,208 --> 01:52:41,125
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
1871
01:52:41,833 --> 01:52:43,875
five, four...
1872
01:53:02,666 --> 01:53:03,500
Hey.
1873
01:53:04,958 --> 01:53:05,791
Hi.
1874
01:53:16,583 --> 01:53:19,541
We got some groceries.
1875
01:53:28,916 --> 01:53:30,291
Yo, what was that?
1876
01:53:30,375 --> 01:53:32,291
We lost BEAD number 12.
1877
01:53:35,208 --> 01:53:36,833
BEAD number 22 failed to launch.
1878
01:53:37,708 --> 01:53:40,541
It's fine. It's fine.
1879
01:53:40,625 --> 01:53:44,666
We had anticipated a margin for error.
1880
01:53:44,750 --> 01:53:46,250
Everything is fine.
1881
01:53:46,333 --> 01:53:50,833
I was hoping
we could have a family dinner.
1882
01:53:50,916 --> 01:53:52,291
Hey, Dad.
1883
01:53:52,375 --> 01:53:54,458
- Hey, guys. Hey.
- Hey.
1884
01:54:00,833 --> 01:54:01,750
What do you say?
1885
01:54:04,166 --> 01:54:05,000
Yeah.
1886
01:54:05,916 --> 01:54:07,291
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
1887
01:54:07,791 --> 01:54:10,000
- This is... This is Kate.
- Oh, hi.
1888
01:54:10,083 --> 01:54:11,916
- Hello. Hi, Kate.
- Let me grab those bags.
1889
01:54:12,000 --> 01:54:13,750
- Nice to meet you. I'm Yule.
- Yule.
1890
01:54:13,833 --> 01:54:16,000
I'm FirePuma142 on Twitch. You game?
1891
01:54:16,625 --> 01:54:18,125
It's really doubtful she knows.
1892
01:54:18,208 --> 01:54:19,833
- You're right.
- Who said I game?
1893
01:54:21,000 --> 01:54:23,333
I... I got these for you.
1894
01:54:25,208 --> 01:54:27,166
Thank you. That's really sweet, honey.
1895
01:54:33,375 --> 01:54:35,375
I'm so sorry. You have no idea.
1896
01:54:37,208 --> 01:54:39,916
- I really am.
- I know. I know.
1897
01:54:40,750 --> 01:54:43,875
- I've missed you.
- I missed you so much.
1898
01:54:50,875 --> 01:54:53,625
When we dated in college,
I fucked Aaron Tran.
1899
01:54:57,333 --> 01:54:58,708
Yeah, so...
1900
01:55:14,541 --> 01:55:16,833
- That is really good.
- Really good, right?
1901
01:55:27,708 --> 01:55:30,000
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey!
1902
01:55:30,083 --> 01:55:32,791
- Sorry I'm late, but not empty-handed.
- Hey, my friend.
1903
01:55:33,875 --> 01:55:37,375
Evan, Marshall, June,
this is Dr. Oglethorpe.
1904
01:55:52,000 --> 01:55:54,875
BEADs have approached
optimal escape velocity
1905
01:55:54,958 --> 01:55:59,625
and now approaching Comet Dibiasky
and are ready for attachment mode.
1906
01:56:15,000 --> 01:56:17,625
Okay. All right.
1907
01:56:17,708 --> 01:56:20,833
Eight and 27 are lost
due to lateral control malfunction.
1908
01:56:21,750 --> 01:56:24,666
Okay, so, now... Now, Peter...
1909
01:56:24,750 --> 01:56:28,958
Peter, we're six drones down.
Is this thing still gonna work?
1910
01:56:29,041 --> 01:56:34,875
Well, the engineer's assured me
that yes, 24 drones is enough.
1911
01:56:35,958 --> 01:56:38,958
Well, how many can we lose?
1912
01:56:41,583 --> 01:56:43,083
How many more?
1913
01:56:46,625 --> 01:56:50,250
We're being told that several
of the BEADS have exploded on launch.
1914
01:56:51,291 --> 01:56:54,125
Got the head seat right there.
1915
01:56:54,208 --> 01:56:56,791
You're way too kind, Randall.
Thank you.
1916
01:56:56,875 --> 01:56:57,875
Big Doctor.
1917
01:56:57,958 --> 01:56:59,166
Do you want more wine?
1918
01:57:00,291 --> 01:57:02,291
- Hey, cheers, everyone.
- Cheers.
1919
01:57:02,375 --> 01:57:03,416
- Cheers.
- Love you.
1920
01:57:03,500 --> 01:57:05,250
- Love you.
- Thank you so much for having us.
1921
01:57:05,333 --> 01:57:06,583
Thank you for being here.
1922
01:57:06,666 --> 01:57:08,208
- It's so special.
- Thank you.
1923
01:57:20,958 --> 01:57:24,166
Commence simultaneous
explosive separation stage now.
1924
01:57:27,541 --> 01:57:29,708
Yo. Yo. Mom.
1925
01:57:39,708 --> 01:57:40,750
Beautiful.
1926
01:57:41,333 --> 01:57:43,250
- Thank you, pal.
- Yeah.
1927
01:57:43,333 --> 01:57:48,083
Yeah, it really is.
And it's really good to have you home.
1928
01:57:49,750 --> 01:57:51,500
Dr. Mindy got really famous.
1929
01:57:51,583 --> 01:57:54,125
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
1930
01:57:54,208 --> 01:57:55,791
That's right. Okay.
1931
01:57:56,708 --> 01:58:00,625
Yep, I was on magazine covers
and everything. I know.
1932
01:58:01,291 --> 01:58:03,375
- You looked great.
- I'll take your shots.
1933
01:58:07,833 --> 01:58:09,458
- I love you.
- Love you too.
1934
01:58:10,875 --> 01:58:13,500
All right. We need a report.
1935
01:58:13,583 --> 01:58:16,166
Need a full status report
on the explosive devices.
1936
01:58:16,250 --> 01:58:19,416
Get on it.
Still waiting for a full status report.
1937
01:58:21,416 --> 01:58:22,458
All right.
1938
01:58:22,541 --> 01:58:27,625
President Qi of China
says that the comet is still whole.
1939
01:58:27,708 --> 01:58:29,791
We got four misfires and sync was off.
1940
01:58:30,625 --> 01:58:31,625
It's still intact.
1941
01:58:31,708 --> 01:58:32,875
What was that?
1942
01:58:33,541 --> 01:58:35,958
We've got four misfires
and the sync was off.
1943
01:58:36,791 --> 01:58:40,958
Okay. We're all fine. Everyone's fine.
1944
01:58:41,708 --> 01:58:44,791
It's gonna be all right.
If you'll excuse me.
1945
01:58:44,875 --> 01:58:46,125
Nature calls.
1946
01:58:46,208 --> 01:58:49,208
I'm just gonna go to the restroom
for a moment.
1947
01:58:52,666 --> 01:58:55,541
Yes, I think
that I should also step out
1948
01:58:55,625 --> 01:58:57,333
to the restroom for a moment.
1949
01:59:03,583 --> 01:59:05,583
- Should I...
- No, I'll be fine.
1950
01:59:06,625 --> 01:59:08,125
Sir, the president.
1951
01:59:08,875 --> 01:59:11,000
We need to know
what the mission status is.
1952
01:59:13,166 --> 01:59:14,750
She's coming right back.
1953
01:59:15,416 --> 01:59:18,041
Screw this. I'm going to see my husband.
1954
01:59:21,333 --> 01:59:24,625
I'm sorry. I've got a 20-year-old
daughter. I've got to go see her.
1955
01:59:25,291 --> 01:59:26,625
I'm doin' an 8-ball.
1956
01:59:27,791 --> 01:59:28,833
Oh, shit!
1957
01:59:28,916 --> 01:59:30,625
She's coming. She's coming back.
1958
01:59:37,041 --> 01:59:39,250
Hello, there's a ship.
1959
01:59:39,791 --> 01:59:43,916
In case we were wrong,
and clearly, we were wrong.
1960
01:59:44,000 --> 01:59:46,458
Of course you've got a ship.
1961
01:59:46,541 --> 01:59:48,125
It holds 2,000.
1962
01:59:48,208 --> 01:59:51,458
It's state-of-the-art cryo-chambers,
and it's set to find
1963
01:59:51,541 --> 01:59:54,666
the nearest Earth-like planet
in a Goldilocks Zone so...
1964
01:59:55,708 --> 01:59:57,125
There's room for you and one other.
1965
01:59:58,166 --> 02:00:00,250
Brie, your wife, your call.
1966
02:00:02,708 --> 02:00:09,500
I'm good, but thank you for the offer.
You... You have fun with Jason.
1967
02:00:11,541 --> 02:00:12,500
Jason?
1968
02:00:15,250 --> 02:00:16,375
Oh, shit.
1969
02:00:20,083 --> 02:00:21,083
She's coming back.
1970
02:00:30,125 --> 02:00:33,041
I'm thankful for that night
I fell asleep out in the backyard.
1971
02:00:33,791 --> 02:00:36,166
- Woke up face-to-face with a baby deer.
- I remember that.
1972
02:00:36,250 --> 02:00:38,708
- Yeah.
- Yep. It was the best day of my life.
1973
02:00:50,166 --> 02:00:51,375
I'm grateful...
1974
02:00:58,750 --> 02:01:00,666
I'm grateful we tried.
1975
02:01:03,541 --> 02:01:06,000
Man, oh, man, did we try.
1976
02:01:08,458 --> 02:01:13,791
Well, we're not the most religious here
in the Mindy household,
1977
02:01:13,875 --> 02:01:17,500
but maybe we should say amen?
Should we do that?
1978
02:01:17,583 --> 02:01:19,041
Don't look at me.
1979
02:01:19,875 --> 02:01:23,833
I don't know how to...
What, you just say, amen? I don't...
1980
02:01:24,541 --> 02:01:25,750
- I got this.
- Wrap it up?
1981
02:01:26,416 --> 02:01:27,250
I got it.
1982
02:01:38,750 --> 02:01:41,000
Dearest Father and Almighty Creator...
1983
02:01:44,875 --> 02:01:48,708
we ask for Your grace tonight,
despite our pride.
1984
02:01:50,416 --> 02:01:54,291
Your forgiveness, despite our doubt.
1985
02:01:57,625 --> 02:01:59,125
Most of all, Lord...
1986
02:02:01,125 --> 02:02:05,791
we ask for Your love
to soothe us through these dark times.
1987
02:02:08,291 --> 02:02:10,500
May we face whatever is to come...
1988
02:02:12,791 --> 02:02:18,583
in Your divine will with courage
and open hearts of acceptance.
1989
02:02:21,833 --> 02:02:24,291
- Amen.
- Amen.
1990
02:02:25,541 --> 02:02:27,708
Youse got some church game.
1991
02:02:29,625 --> 02:02:30,750
That was beautiful.
1992
02:02:34,166 --> 02:02:36,125
The comet remains intact.
1993
02:02:42,875 --> 02:02:44,541
We just never...
1994
02:02:46,750 --> 02:02:50,208
Of course, there's only one story
everyone's talking about tonight.
1995
02:02:50,791 --> 02:02:52,791
Topless urgent care centers.
1996
02:03:03,000 --> 02:03:04,458
Sit.
1997
02:03:06,458 --> 02:03:10,791
Or... we can fuck...
1998
02:03:12,833 --> 02:03:14,666
or pray, or...
1999
02:03:18,791 --> 02:03:22,291
Honestly, I think
I'd just rather drink and...
2000
02:03:24,250 --> 02:03:25,916
talk shit about people.
2001
02:03:32,208 --> 02:03:33,833
You'll never take me alive!
2002
02:03:37,041 --> 02:03:37,958
Look out!
2003
02:04:30,083 --> 02:04:32,916
I'm definitely gonna have
some more of this apple pie. It's so good.
2004
02:04:33,000 --> 02:04:35,791
It's actually store-bought,
but you really can't tell.
2005
02:04:37,666 --> 02:04:42,208
If I'm to be completely honest,
which at this moment, why not?
2006
02:04:43,208 --> 02:04:46,916
I actually like the junky taste
of store-bought better than homemade.
2007
02:04:47,666 --> 02:04:48,666
You gotta be kidding me.
2008
02:04:48,750 --> 02:04:52,166
No, I'm not kidding.
2009
02:04:53,458 --> 02:04:56,666
You know what? I know what he means.
It's like a childhood memory thing.
2010
02:05:31,666 --> 02:05:33,583
Nothing is better than homemade, right?
2011
02:05:33,666 --> 02:05:37,208
This coffee doesn't taste
store-bought. Is it?
2012
02:05:37,291 --> 02:05:39,666
I grind my own beans. Yeah.
2013
02:05:39,750 --> 02:05:41,375
Yeah, Dad's kind of a coffee nut.
2014
02:05:41,458 --> 02:05:43,708
Every time you have coffee,
you have to grind your beans?
2015
02:05:44,708 --> 02:05:48,666
Randall is very particular
about his coffee.
2016
02:05:48,750 --> 02:05:50,375
I can get that way about tea.
2017
02:05:53,208 --> 02:05:55,541
Thing of it is, we really...
2018
02:05:57,625 --> 02:05:59,833
We really did have everything, didn't we?
2019
02:06:02,083 --> 02:06:04,500
I mean, when you think about it.
2020
02:09:36,750 --> 02:09:39,916
Hey, oxygen is
actually higher than on Earth
2021
02:09:40,000 --> 02:09:41,166
by nine percent,
2022
02:09:41,250 --> 02:09:43,833
so you might feel a bit light-headed.
2023
02:09:44,666 --> 02:09:48,208
And cryo-chambers were 58% successful,
2024
02:09:48,291 --> 02:09:50,583
which is much better than anticipated.
2025
02:09:50,666 --> 02:09:53,791
Yeah, we only had 47 dead
in our section, so...
2026
02:09:54,583 --> 02:09:59,000
I think this is gonna work out quite well.
Quite well, indeed.
2027
02:09:59,083 --> 02:09:59,916
Goodness.
2028
02:10:00,000 --> 02:10:05,625
Look at that beautiful animal.
2029
02:10:05,708 --> 02:10:09,708
I wonder, are those feathers
or are they scale...
2030
02:10:12,708 --> 02:10:14,958
- That's disgusting.
- What is that thing?
2031
02:10:15,666 --> 02:10:18,125
I believe that's called a Bronteroc.
2032
02:10:20,916 --> 02:10:24,125
Whatever you do, don't pet them.
2033
02:17:28,166 --> 02:17:29,166
Fuck.
2034
02:17:43,500 --> 02:17:44,458
Mom?
2035
02:17:47,458 --> 02:17:48,541
Mom!
2036
02:17:54,125 --> 02:17:55,333
What's up, y'all?
2037
02:17:56,000 --> 02:17:57,458
I'm the last man on Earth.
2038
02:17:58,750 --> 02:18:00,125
Shit's all fucked up.
2039
02:18:00,875 --> 02:18:02,666
Don't forget to like and subscribe.
2040
02:18:03,458 --> 02:18:04,375
We out here.
2041
02:18:07,250 --> 02:18:08,208
Mom!
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